To wonder what's wrong with dressing girls as girls

[sparklymarmite]

I've name changed but really hoping someone can explain why you wouldn't dress a little girl in girly clothes if that's what they want? There is a little girl in my daughters class always dressed in gender neutral or boyish clothes - I feel so sad for her because she is always looking at the other girls in pretty things. If she visits other people's houses she always wants to wear their dresses and gets upset when it's time to take them off. It's probably made worse because her best friend is very girly and her mum always dresses her beautifully. Her mum seems obsessed about avoiding anything revealing but they're only 6. If anyone else is like this please help me to understand why you would do this. I'm not particularly close to this family but it makes me feel sad to see.

I think the parents who make a big deal about "gender neutrality" are setting themselves up for future problems. It's pathetic, a girl is a girl, a boy is a boy ffs. There is a difference in the sexes, why are they not accepting that.

Whatever you dress your kid in, if your kid is a girl, then whatever they are wearing is automatically them "dressing like a girl". Sparkly pink dress = "dressing like a girl" is the dress is on a girl. Grubby t-shirt = "dressing like a girl" is the t-shirt is on a girl.

Of course some/many small girls love sparkly pink things! Same with boys - many of us who have had boys will tell you that at playdates when they are tiny, there will always be a few boys who don't get a range of colours in their clothes at home, sitting in the hallway enthusiastically trying on the pink and sparkly shoes, etc. It's nursery and school that shames (most of) the boys out of this, which I think is sad.

But it's daft to pretend there isn't enormous pressure on little girls to dress a certain way (pink, sparkles etc) and boys to dress a different way (dark colours and bloody camo, which I would never buy as it made finding DS in the park impossible!). Even bearing this in mind, though, and knowing that no kid every makes that choice free of pressure from the world around them, they should be allowed to wear whatever the bloody hell they like.

I think as long as children are dressed appropriately for the weather then they can wear what they like. One of my DD loves pink, dresses, hair clips, wants to wear my make up to nursery, loves playing with my high heeled shoes. The other is completely the opposite and you're more likely to see her in a football strip and trainers, covered in mud.
I bet I get judged by different people depending on which daughter I'm with. I don't really care. Each child has their own style and as long as they're comfortable and warm that's all that matters.

No parent is going to thank you for a completely unsolicited opinion about how they dress their child.

This with bells on. I am still seething after a remark made by some busybody twenty years ago about how it was 'nice' to see my dd (MY dd ) in a dress for once. These days she'd have had the MN headtilt and tinkly little laugh asking if she meant to be so rude but in those days I was too unassertive to do it.

Why does it bother you what someone else's child wears, OP? Dress your kids as you like and leave others to their choices. The child will have her own opinion soon enough.

I bet her friend is sad when she gets friction burns on her legs going down slides, when she cant run and crawl and move about properly. When her friends are trying to do cartwheels and the splits and she cant join in. When she can't make a mess and spoil her 'beautiful' outfit. No need for kids to look like a work of art in the place of them being dressed practically and comfortably. We've never banned dresses but they are completely impractical for active kids to play in as everyday wear.

I think the parents who make a big deal about "gender neutrality" are setting themselves up for future problems. It's pathetic, a girl is a girl, a boy is a boy ffs. There is a difference in the sexes, why are they not accepting that.

I think those that stick to gender stereotypes are setting up their children for future problems.

You are training your girls to think they are worthless unless they are delicate and pretty, and function to look after men.

You are training boys to think they must be tough and physical.

What if they're not? Whay if your boy doesn't like football? Will he think he's a girl, or gay? Same for a girl who doesn't like dresses, lesbian? Really a boy?

Imo this is why we are having so many trans issues. Thats not enough problem for you?

Then you're also looking at the gender pay gap, and "mens" and "womens" jobs. Do we go back to the days where women are nurses and secretaries and men are doctors and directors?

""So if you don't want to be perpetuating sexism attitudes in the next generation, putting both sees of kids into practical robust clothing for play time I'd the only way to go.""

So would Parents embracing Pink, for their sons clothes/toys etc.

There's a big reaction to Pink on the Feminist boards and pink toys (labelled as pink shit), I think that it should be reclaimed.

But there's a big put down of Women/girls who want the heavy make-up/groomed look, as well. The same doesn't apply to Gay Men, or men into make-up.

I agree with the points about practical clothing, when they start to move. We're going to have the first summer baby (girl) born, for generations and we are all looking forward to buying dresses etc, but that gets criticism on here. Even the Women who lived in the 50's, weren't 50's housewives, in our family, yet we'll be accused of putting gender expectations on to her.

6 year olds quite often like dressing up in each others clothes regardless of what they have at home or would choose to wear day to day if they chose all their own clothes. When my DD was 6 she had a friend who had far fancier clothes than her, but still when the friend was here she and DD took all DD's clothes out and tried them on, as well as all the dressing up clothes, and put on plays. My DD also used to like wearing her slightly younger but same size brothers clothes when she was 6 just so she could pretend to be his identical twin... My youngest (boy) is 6 and loves dressing up too and his friends like putting all his dressing up stuff on, and would sometimes like to wear it home. He was very happy when he got soaking wet at a friend's and wore the friend's bog standard tracksuit bottoms and star wars T shirt home because they were his friend's, and that was a novelty.

I think a lot of 6 year olds just like dressing up and trying their mate's stuff on, it doesn't mean this child is sad all the time because she doesn't wear an Elsa/ flamenco/ bridesmaids dress 24/7.

However this is a bit of a fishy thing to post, I wonder if the OP will come back... If she is in the UK isn't the kid in uniform at school, and even if not children don't wear pretty dresses to non uniform schools - we have non uniform school and primary aged girls wear jeans or leggings and T shirts/ jumpers, pretty much universally.

"There is a difference in the sexes, why are they not accepting that.""

I will totally accept that, but I won't accept the enforced gender differences.

Why not ask the question why the mums of DS's in your child's class don't let their boys wear pretty things. Why aren't the boys jealous?

I don't like dressing my DD in anything considered beneath boys.

Bit of a leap there,really.

My dd loves all things pink and sparkly...she also likes football, martial arts and climbing trees/playing robustly.

Yesterday, she managed to play a game of Jurassic World with her brothers in pink jeans!

Overthinking the state of dress of a 6 year old is utterly insane. Parent or spectator.

I think you're reading far too much into it to be honest. Maybe she likes dressing up in princess dresses but loves to climb trees and run about and falls over if she's wearing big dresses. You sound very judgemental about what a group of six year olds are wearing.

My DS (5) loves girly dresses - when the dressing up box comes out will go straight for the princess dress and sparkly shoes as will my DD but neither want to wear outfits like that day to day.

Most of my daughters clothes are gender neutral. Because I think a lot of the girly stuff is naff and doesn't suit her. We also want more children and money is tight so I consciously buy stuff that look nice on both boys and girls. She has some "girl" tops and dresses but the basics could go on boys or girls. When she's old enough to have a preference she can choose and I won't stop her wearing all the bows/ribbons/glitter she wants. Until then people like you will feel sorry for her. That's your problem not mine. She's warm and comfortable which is the most important thing to me.

As someone who's not involved or particularly interested in gender issues at all I hear way more moaning from "girls are girls" brigade than feminists trying to stop girls wearing pink. Why not just let kids decide without heaping all this "girls are girls" rhetoric on them. It might be that 70% of girls still choose traditionally girly stuff but why put off the 30% that might want to do other stuff. f the gender differences are really so clear cut as you seem to imagine the girls will gravitate towards girly stuff without interference so why feel the need to push it on them?

I guess the whole reason some kids think they are boys even though they are girls or girls even though they are boys is because they have been told that girls like X and boys like Y, (so its logical if they like Y they must be a boy without a willy...)

I guess all children should just be allowed to wear what they choose without comment as long as it is weather and activity appropriate, budget allowing.

I do agree that the vilification of anything traditionally feminine is counterproductive and sends the "male things are better, the highest aim of a woman should be to attain in a male area" message. Surely the highest ideal would be to encourage whatever a child is good at or enjoys - be it sewing or mechanics, football or netball, cooking or climbing trees, learning languages or physics, and equally so with choices about appearance and toys, without labelling any of it "feminine" (with associated "low value" status coming from feminists as strongly as chauvinists ) or "masculine" ...

PinkHeart ds1 worse a pink polo to soft play and I was asked 'you do know he's a boy, right?'
We can't win!

my daughter loves skirts and dresses and wears them 95% of the time... in Summer she wears Skorts or shorts under her dresses after getting friction burns in an inflatable slide at the fair.

she has some leggings which she wears under dresses and skirts as well but rarely by themselves...

on the other hand, i wear trousers and jeans 95% of MY time, and have just a couple of dresses and skirts... so it's not influence from me, just her preference

Well, I've been criticised for 'imposing my politics on my child' and 'dressing her like a boy'. She was wearing pink and green , though obviously as a lesbian my parenting was deeply suspect to this particular mum.

Anyway, my policy is to dress babies and toddlers in a range of colours (and provide them with a range of toys) and then allow them their preferences so long as their choices are warm and practical. dd1 has always gravitated towards bright colours. dd2 went through the longest pink phase - she was obsessed - but then at the age of 6 suddenly decided she hates pink and only wants to wear black.

So for me it's about not confining their choices or dictating their preferences. I have to say, though, I think there are far more mothers who think it's weird for a girl not to wear pink, than there are mothers who won't allow their girl to wear pink. Sometimes posters here allege that girls in pink are treated like social outcasts - never, ever seen that in real life.

BTW today she was looking at a boden catalogue and asked me for the twirly skirt with sequins and SPACE ROCKET SHIPS, so I am not worried for her liking dresses... her interests are very much her own

I just can't get my head around giving a shiny shite what a 6 year old wears of either sex as long as it's weather and activity appropriate.

Seriously who has the time to care.

I like looking at pretty dresses and lots of other feminine clothes but if I actually put any on I hate them because they are hard to wear!
I feel trapped and uncomfortable or have to put thought into my movments or the way I sit. i am not wearing these clothes they are wearing me!

I always revert to jeans/trousers and a nice top or tshirt.

For example Iv got my eye on a lovely gothy wiggle dress on eBay but I know that if I owned it I just would never ever wear it! So I will probably end up buying the flares Iv also got on my watch list

5moreminutes - you put it much better than I could on the vilification of what's perceived as feminine.

I also don't know why it has to be seen as either or, children can like a variety of things, why is it not acceptable for a girl to like pink or wear pink things? why is it only liberating if a boy does? why assume a girl who likes pink and dolls doesn't also like dinosaurs and football?

How on earth do you know what happens when she goes to other people's houses? How do you know she's "always looking" at girly clothes?

Should I strongly suspect there's loads of nasty gossip at the school gate?

And how so you know her mum is "obsessed" if, as you admit, you don't even know her!

The pink sparkly princess style of dress little girls is relatively new, it was primary colours in the 70/80s and all pastel colours before that. So I don't think that little girls are intrinsically drawn to pink or very long hair, it's something that society is imposing on them at the moment.

I don't doubt for a second that real live mothers are being told by their real live daughters that they want to dress in pink and wear bows in their hair that are so big that their necks can hardly support them. That's about children wanting to fit in. I can totally understand why that might not want to be a battle the mother picks every morning but I think that it's wrong to imagine that this kind of early gender stereotyping of little girls is harmless.

Little children should be running around in practical, washable clothing not caring overly much what they look like. They should have hair they can control themselves by the time they go to school. The rest of society should care an awful lot less what they look like.

This child's mother is a brave woman and I respect her, I've mostly taken the path of least resistance/Claire's Accessories route.