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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get Snapchat to check on my son?

18 replies

Mumoftmtocount · 21/02/2017 20:30

((Second post in a couple of days - sorry all!))

Just wondering if anyone on MN had any experience with Snapchat? I've heard quite a few parents lately speaking about making accounts to add their kids as friends so they can 'check up' on any misbehaviours.

I have a 14 yo son who has a big group of mates his own age (lots of cousins or cousins of cousins etc) and I have had concerns over potential drinking etc. Would it be advisable to make a Snapchat account to check on him?

I'd obviously tell him I was doing so he knew it was me!

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KindergartenKop · 21/02/2017 20:33

Yes. Don't let him have unfettered internet access.

AlexanderHamilton · 21/02/2017 20:34

Snapchat is the one ap that I won't allow either 13 year old DS or 15 year old dd to have because it's so hard to check up on.

Floofborksnootandboop · 21/02/2017 20:35

You can hide your story from certain people though and I can only assume he won't be sending your private snaps if he's up to no good so it might not be any help at all. YWNBU to aleast try though.

semanwen · 21/02/2017 20:35

Do you know how snapchat works?

Would you be happy for another adult to join a snapchat group of teenagers?

Original poster

Mumoftmtocount · 21/02/2017 20:47

I don't really know how it works, no... I'm under the impression that it's like Facebook or Instagram and that sort of thing but posts only last ten seconds?

I didn't know you could 'hide' things - makes me a little suspicious! Out of the group of boys he hangs around with - there's about ten of them - a few have been known to hang around with older boys and drink. My son hasn't been to any of these parties but when you know friends have there's always the risk.

Bit of an overprotective mum I'm afraid!

OP posts:

tigermoll · 21/02/2017 20:52

I know this sounds a bit idealistic, but I think it's more important to have a relationship with your kids where you can talk about things that concern you/them and make them feel like they can confide in you and come to you with problems. Your son is 14 and as he gets older you simply won't be able to 'check up' on him -- you will have to trust him and hope that he has good sense and good boundaries. I'm not sure that joining snapchat to spy on him will a) give you the information you seek or b) encourage an open, trusting relationship.

semanwen · 21/02/2017 20:54

You are part of a closed group effectively (depends of what they use it for/how they use it) .

To add an adult to that group would be creepy and if another parent wanted to add themselves to a group my teens were in I wouldn't be happy at all.

This is the leeds safeguarding leaflet explaining

www.leedslscb.org.uk/LSCB/media/Images/pdfs/Snapchat-Privacy-Guide.pdf

AlexanderHamilton · 21/02/2017 20:58

I have all the passwords to my children's social media accounts. I log in regurlaly & check their posts & private messages. This isn't possible with snapchat as the posts disapear.

Hence not allowed.

Phoebefromfriends · 21/02/2017 20:59

My mum tried to ban me from stuff and read my diary and it didn't stop me from getting plastered and having sex, in fact it seemed to spur me on. She really should have had a chat with me about things instead of spying on me. I didn't feel I could talk to her about any of that stuff without her being monumentally judgemental. I actually needed her at one point when I thought I might be pregnant at 17 and when I told the guy he threatened to drown me. Luckily for me I wasn't pregnant but I shudder to think how that would have played out.

Original poster

Mumoftmtocount · 21/02/2017 21:02

Some good points here, thanks ladies!

AlexanderHamilton if you don't mind me asking, are your children in their teens? I have three teenagers who all use fb, Instagram and Snapchat and I don't have the passwords to any. Starting to feel a bit too lax now..

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumoftmtocount · 21/02/2017 21:04

Phoebe that is horrible! I'm so so sorry to hear you had to go through something like that. Thanks for your input, much appreciated x

OP posts:

woodwaj · 21/02/2017 21:16

I wouldn't bother. It wont make a difference. With snapchat you can share a snap with all on "my story" or to individual contact that you select. If he is up to no good he won't send them to you either way!

AlexanderHamilton · 21/02/2017 21:17

DS is 13 & dd is 15.

It's a condition of them having phones/iPads etc. I rarely check dd's these days but DS needs a lot of guidance, he has an asd & poor social awareness.

I don't spy as they know I check.

Bantanddec · 21/02/2017 21:18

He's not going to send his mum any dodgy snaps!! You choose who you send a snap too!

Birdsbeesandtrees · 21/02/2017 21:21

I don't think you quite understand how it works.

You can send snaps (photos or videos) to one person or set people. Or everyone.

But you won't be able to snoop they way someone does with Facebook profiles. Because there isn't a profile as such.

The snaps are sent then vanish after they have been opened by the intended recipient.

measles64 · 21/02/2017 21:24

My Mother read my diary, turned my bedroom upside down occasionally looking for incriminating evidence, marched into the gp surgery when she found the pill berating the Doctor for encouraging promiscuity and threatening him with the police I was 19!! I rebelled big time according to my parents.

My two eldest were pre snapchat mobile phones, and still got into lots of scrapes/fun. My youngest has all the gadgets is on snapchat he is 15. I would not dream of spying on him, I hope we have instilled some sense into him. The school also have police etc. in to talk to them at least once a year.

NiktheGreek · 22/02/2017 08:24

I agree with other pp's try and foster a relationship with your son that encourages dicussion. My teens are very open with me about most stuff, it does no good to take the stealth approach. My mum was like that with me and I felt I couldn't talk to her about anything. I have a much better open relationship with my dc's.

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