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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be concerned about my neighbour's behaviour?

104 replies

LemonadeAndSchnapps · 21/02/2017 14:57

This is going to be a long one! Sorry guys! Smile

I've recently bought my first house with my husband and baby DD, and I've had problems with my neighbour from the start. At first we tried to be very neighbourly with our neighbours next door but they have started to try and become very involved in our lives. They constantly have opinions about how we live our lives and are very open about their opinions which are very judgemental.

The first indecent occurred when i was driving my DD over to my DM's before I went to work. The wife came over to me and informed me that babies "shouldn't be taken out in this weather". When I told her I had to get to work she told me "people like you don't have jobs". Hmm Not sure what this means! My DH and I both work full time and obviously won't be leaving our one year old at home while we are gone. DD was in a very comfy snow suit and so wasn't cold at all, and it was around 8 o'clock so she had already been awake for an hour at least!

She and her husband are constantly curtain twitching when we come home or have visitor and I can often hear them shouting things like "She has the baby this time" and "Now she has dogs with her" when I am going into my house!

Today I was just sat on my sofa playing with my daughter when her face appears pressed against my window! Shock I waved at her but She didn't seem to notice me, so I opened the door and asked what she was doing. She told me she wanted to know who was in the house. When I said it was just me she started asking if my DH was home, when he was going to be home, who would be looking after DD, etc. At this point I made my excuses and closed the door.

AIBU to be concerned by their behaviour? I'm quite young and find this couple quite intimidating; we are both quite young and this couple are in their 40's - 50's with adult children. We bought this house so we didn't have to deal with landlords being so involved with our lives, and now we have a neighbour doing the same thing. We obviously don't want to alienate them as we live in a terrace house and think it might cause problems further down the line, but this couple seem to be watching our every move. So, mumsnet, what do you think we should do? Confused

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 21/02/2017 16:26

Just ignore the comments. Honestly there is no better option for that but do tackle her looking in the windows: "what do you think you are doing? Your behaviour is not normal. Get off my property right now.". Firm and icy. Or just "will you just piss off you utter nutter" hissed at her if no witnesses.

Don't send your mum round. You're the grown up.

HerOtherHalf · 21/02/2017 16:28

Gawd, they sound like characters from League of Gentlemen. The problem I would have is not being sure if one or both of them have some kind of MH problem. I am more than happy to protect my personal boundaries, and can be quite ruthless if I need to, but I would feel terrible if I put them in their place and then found out they were vulnerable.

Norland · 21/02/2017 16:34

You could get 10-tons of prime cowshit delivered on to their front lawn; when she comes round to enquire if you know anything about it, hand her a shovel and explain that as she likes wandering on to your property so much, she '...might like to dig this little lot in..'

ratspeaker · 21/02/2017 16:40

She has no right to peer in your windows.
She has no right to know who is in your house and when.
It is none of her business when you go out, who with, where you are going, how you raise your child.
You do not owe her an explanation or need to justify yourself to her.
Get that firmly fixed in your mind.

You were far too nice when you caught her staring in, engaging with her and offering explanations.
Id have been saying something along the lines of you "gave me a fright you nosey bat. Do that again and Im contacting the police"

RebootYourEngine · 21/02/2017 16:42

Tell her to fuck off and stop being a nosey cow.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/02/2017 16:46

Tell her to fuck off and stop being a nosey cow.

I think that ^ just about covers all avenuesGrin.

Floggingmolly · 21/02/2017 16:47

Stand up for yourself!! She stuck her nose in your window to see who was in your house, and you obligingly told her; instead of telling her it was none of her fucking business. You let her tell you that people "like you" don't have jobs (!) without asking what the hell she meant...
She'll only go as far as you let her Hmm

HashiAsLarry · 21/02/2017 16:49

Next time they're within earshot as you and DH are leaving the house shout loudly at DH "Don't forget to book the window cleaner darling, there are strange faceprints all over our windows"

Archimandrite · 21/02/2017 16:50

HerOtherHalf I'm sympathetic to people who have MH problems, learning difficulties etc I really am but it still doesn't give them the right to harass their next door neighbours to the point that they feel totally scrutinised. If you suspect they may have some difficulties you can tell the police you think that might be the case and hopefully they will take that into account when they speak to them. They still need to know there are boundaries and what isn't ok.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 21/02/2017 16:51

Tell her you are a Jehovahs Witness and if she isn't busy at the week end you will pop over. .

Aderyn2016 · 21/02/2017 16:55

Well if it was me, they would be getting a solicitor's letter warning them to stop trespassing on my property.
I think it is worth asking non emergency police for advice. I know it's not a crime but it is scary and inappropriate and maybe a word from the local police will intimidate them enough to keep them away.

You are not helping yourself though by answering her questions though. The time has long gone when you should have told them to piss off.

LotsOfAxolotlsAndOcelots · 21/02/2017 16:55

I wouldn't be able to resist fucking with them no end. I would be seen wearing a tutu one day and dressing like a Hells Angel the next. Sad pair of twats! While the baby is a baby I would be nude a lot. Once they have caught me in the buff I would then report them to the police. Speak to them in the only language they understand OP.

Rubies12345 · 21/02/2017 16:57

Do their adult children live there? Maybe you could speak to them and ask what the problem is.

BakeOffBiscuits · 21/02/2017 17:00

Ask them why they want to know what's going on in your house all the time and do they realise it's getting on your tits it is very intrusive.

Wait for them to answer, don't let them off the hook.

They do sound extremely strange!

Zaphodsotherhead · 21/02/2017 17:01

You have a dog...does it not bark blue murder when she presses her face against the window? If not, I'd invest in a small and very barky terrier. If you can get one that snarls a lot at strangers, so much the better...

...or just tell her it's none of her business. To everything she says.

Or both!

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 21/02/2017 17:01

She's clearly made massive assumptions about you and is judging you left, right and centre.

She needs putting in her place.

Next time she's in the garden and shouts loudly about you in her passive aggressive fashion, I'd make sure she knows you heard. Say 'hello there, yes I'm back with my baby now after work' or if she comments again about people like you, you need to say 'what do you mean by that?'.

And yes keep a record of every incident. Just in case.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/02/2017 17:04

First off, keep reminding yourself that their opinions of you don't matter diddly-squat. I know it's annoying, but who really gives a flying fuck what they think (or say).

Do what you can to circumvent them. Are your windows/door placed where you could have a locked gate or fence to prevent her from getting to them? She may still be able to 'curtain twitch' but it would have to be from a distance. Could you plant a bush to block the view? We had 'over the back fence' neighbours who would stare onto our back deck when we were out and into our living room window when we were in so we planted a tree specifically placed to block their view.

I'd install blinds or window shades specifically so that if I saw her peering in, I could ostentatiously and PA make cat's bum mouth and yank them closed! Or buy a cheap telescope, stick it in the living room pointed at their window and if I saw her 'twitching' I'd jump up and start looking and focussing it madly. Grin

I don't know what the police could do, other than possibly tell them to stay off your property. But I don't think they can legally stop them from looking or making comments (as long as the comments aren't racist, profane,etc)

paganmolloy · 21/02/2017 17:05

Get loads of old dolls, the really creepy ones and fill the living room up with them all facing the window - that'll scare the shit out of them, especially if you paint a pentagon around them too :)

Basicbrown · 21/02/2017 17:15

They sound awful OP. I'd just refuse to engage with them, over and above saying 'morning' really quickly as I ran past. 'People like you don't have jobs' have you any idea at all what is going on in her head for her to come out with that?

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/02/2017 17:24

I would totally send your mum over!

Basicbrown · 21/02/2017 17:26

I think maybe she assumes that my husband and I are on benefits

So how does she think you have bought a house at a young age if you are on benefits?

ApproachingATunnel · 21/02/2017 17:28

Cctv at front and back door. I bet you'll be surprised at findings...

Barbie222 · 21/02/2017 17:43

If you alert the PCSO, it could well be that your information is the straw that tips the balance towards her / then getting some support to deal with their issues and hopefully allow everyone to get on with their lives. I'd definitely be calling them. If she does have MH issues or a learning disability, then confronting her angrily will not help. Don't engage and let the right people know.

bettytaghetti · 21/02/2017 17:57

Please tell me your neighbour isn't called Margaret?! Your description sounded like my MIL! Just the sort of thing she'd do too...

Pollyanna9 · 21/02/2017 18:20

I don't agree with ignoring.

You need to obviously state obviously and overtly with no attempt at being polite in any way shape or form every time they say something to you or in earshot of you which shows that they are monitoring you - turn straight round/go straight out/walk up to their front door and say "I do not appreciate your constant comments and I would like you to stop coming out and talking to me/passing comments about me to your husband. My life is NONE of your business. If this doesn't stop, I will be reporting you to the police". Ditto a similar message re the peering in but adding that you consider that to be harrassment and an invasion of privacy and you do NOT want people looking into the house and observing you and your DC - it's creepy and inappropriate and that if it doesn't stop, you'll be reporting her to the police".

Then I'd give it a week tops (logging everything/anything that happens) and if it doesn't totally stop a nice solicitor's letter which threatens police action if they don't cease this activity within a particular period of time.

I would NOT be happy with the potential for nutty neighbour to be peering in when I was changing my child's nappy and she was naked from the waist down! It's TOTALLY unacceptable.

It needs a decisive saying of 'this is not ok, stop it or I'm involving the police' to start things off and then escalate appropriately.

It's making my blood boil and it's not even happening to me!

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