Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help with DS (5) sleep

106 replies

catgirl1976 · 20/02/2017 20:32

DS is 5.

He has never been a good sleeper. He was 3 before he slept through the night and after that it was sporadic.

He generally sleeps through now but getting him to go to sleep is a nightmare.

He is currently hysterical.

Every night there is a different reason why he can't sleep. (Tonight he wants the cat - the cat has heard the hysterics and run a mile)

It ranges from general messing about and shouting to hysteria and sobbing. He will not go to sleep. He fights bedtime.

We have tried everything - all the usual stuff. No screen time, calming routine, bath, lavender spray, staying with him, controlled crying, white noise, earlier bedtime, later bedtime. you name it we've tried it. And nothing works.

He can go on till gone 11pm. It's exhausting for him and for us.

He wakes between 6:30am and 7am

Bedtime is normally 7pm to 7:30pm

He's active and gets lots of exercise

Some nights he sobs becuase he's tired and wants to go to sleep but can't

He says he can't switch him mind off and he also legs his leg will never stop moving

He's distressed, I'm distressed and we are all exhausted. If you could hear him right now you'd think he was in physical pain. It's horrible

I am at my wits end. If anyone has any advice. I'm even thinking of going to the GP but I think they'd fob me off and not get how bad this is

Any advice at all would be really welcome

OP posts:
teacher54321 · 20/02/2017 21:06

The ultimate goal for Ds is sleeping in bed with me... It's also tricky because DH works funny hours so is not always around at bedtime which means that it's too exciting when he is there-this combined with being four and school being very tiring is an explosive combination.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/02/2017 21:06

Thank you minipie

I think that might work - and audio books

I was wondering about restless legs

I think the GPs are just a lot stricter and he knows he won't get anywhere if he plays up (but he get himself beyond simple attention seeking and ends up such a mess)

OP posts:
minipie · 20/02/2017 21:09

Magnesium supplemente might be worth a try too

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/02/2017 21:11

Oh - ok I hadn't heard of that, I'll look into it

He can't quite read yet - still sounding out but I'm hoping when he can that might relax him

OP posts:
minipie · 20/02/2017 21:12

Yes I know what you mean about getting beyond attention seeking into a mess.

I am SUPER strict about any delaying at bedtime (I even set limits on how many questions DD can ask during story time). Sounds very mean but it's because I know past a certain time the wheels will come off and she goes into nutcase/tantrum mode. Literally only takes an extra 10/15 minutes and she's gone from tired to wired.

minipie · 20/02/2017 21:14

The magnesium is supposed to help muscles relax (like Epsom salts in the bath but internal!)

Velvian · 20/02/2017 21:14

My dd (just turned 6) is similar; can't get to sleep until 9/9.30 & wakes up every night without fail & comes into us. She has some writing & slight coordination difficulties, which means school can sometimes be challenging. She is so absorbed in the activities she's doing during the day that all of her thoughts come out when she gets to bed. I have no advice, but i'm sticking around to try to pick some up.

Kahlua4me · 20/02/2017 21:27

What about bath, then teeth and wee, all before stories? That way he doesn't need to get out of bed again as he will be all warm and snuggly lying in bed listening t ostories.

Mindfulness would be good too.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/02/2017 21:28

I think we are too soft with him. He can play us for extra minutes here, extra minutes there, an extra story, a last minute snack because he's "really hungry" and then boom - he's gone to over tired mode and it's a nightmare

I think we need to get stricter with that so he's down and done for a set time with no wiggle room

But I'm going to try the CD and the Magnesium (when I've read up on it) as well

I think when he can read that might make a big difference as he can lose himself in a book and read himself to sleep

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/02/2017 21:29

Yes teeth and wee first is a good idea

He pushes for it last but I guess he knows its another distraction from actual bedtime

OP posts:
JenniferYellowHat1980 · 20/02/2017 21:31

What's he doing in school? It could well be coincidence but I found that when DD started learning to read and doing more numeracy she instantly slept through the night. Didn't particularly help with bedtime itself though that is a much shorter process than it used to be. DS is starting to go the same way albeit more gradually.

edwinbear · 20/02/2017 21:33

It sounds hellish. I've luckily not had long term sleep problems but DS (7) sometimes struggles to fall asleep and gets anxious that he's going to be tired next day thus exasperating the situation. I've found story CD's and a lava lamp help distract him enough to help him drift off. DD has glow in the dark stars on her wardrobe which obviously only work when the lights are switched off so she is always keen for 'lights out' to see her stars.

craicdealer · 20/02/2017 21:38

Sorry to hijack the thread but can anyone recommend some magnesium supplements suitable for kids? Loads available for adults but I'm finding it hard to track down something that would be OK for my 6 year old.

Solidarity hugs OP, sleep deprivation is the worst x

early30smum · 20/02/2017 21:40

Agree with the audio books suggestion. My DD was a complete nightmare for going to bed but these have, touch wood, sorted it.

early30smum · 20/02/2017 21:43

Also I discover DD was craving 1-1 time with me. She would make up any excuse like being hungry etc. now we have a strict routine. TV for 45 mins while I bath and settle her brother. Then 1 snack only, upstairs, shower or bath, 2 stories with me in our bed or a couple of chapters of a longer book, kiss and goodnight, audio story goes on, end of story. We struggled for 3.5 years (no joke) with bedtime. Either she has just grown up and realized it's not fun to have such a stressful time or the strict routine and audio books work. Honestly I never, ever thought we'd get to this stage. Good luck OP.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/02/2017 21:48

Thanks everyone

And unmumsnetty hugs to everyone going through the same thing

I like the lava lamp idea and I am hoping he will grow out of it

He's doing really well at school with reading but badly at writing (hoping he will catch up but DH has dysgraphia and some other SLDs so I'm watching nervously whilst being super conscious of not looking for a problem that doesn't exist - if that makes sense!

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/02/2017 21:49

Sounds just like him early :(

OP posts:
edwinbear · 20/02/2017 21:56

I think with sleep issues a lot of it is breaking the cycle by introducing something different - be it story CD's, a lava lamp, we've also used www.pillowpets.co.uk/m which were also great. Anything to make bedtime fun again and less of a battle.

LockingJay · 20/02/2017 22:06

My DS now 8 has always had issues around sleep. We used those CDs recommended up thread and they really did have an immediate impact. He doesn't use them so much any more but he recognises that they help when he can't sleep and will have them on when really needed.

minipie · 20/02/2017 22:12

craic DD has Nature's Plus Animal Parade magnesium supps

craicdealer · 20/02/2017 22:14

Thanks mini

BretonTop · 20/02/2017 22:24

Can I join you, please? Currently having problems with my just turned 3yo. 6yo ds has had his moments over the years, but nothing on this scale.

3yo always wants me to stay in his rocking chair whilst he falls asleep. This is fine when it only takes 5-10 mins, but lately it's taking up to 90mins ! He's thrashing around in bed, chatting away, shouting...I think he's really struggling to wind down.

I started a thread yesterday and got some advice. Tonight I did separate bedtimes for the kids. Had 3yo in bed for 6.59...really early for him. I only stayed in the chair for ten mins, then listened to him shout and scream over the monitor for half an hour.

Then the 6yo pulled every stalling trick under the sun, but was utterly gorgeous with it and I'm a massive softie so he didn't drift off until 20.35...meaning I was still spending over 90 mins doing bedtime !

I'm going to look into audio books, and get dh to get the star projector light thing down from the loft. Am encouraging 6yo to read to himself if he can't sleep.

You have my sympathies OP - sounds like you've got it really bad Sad

Whatsername17 · 20/02/2017 22:26

Buy 5 battery operated night lights. The paw patrol ones are good. When you put him to bed, turn them all on amd put them close to his bed. Read a story, give him a kiss and leave. Return after ten minutes, give him another kiss and turn a night light off. Repeat every 10 minutes until you leave just one on. Slowly easing him into darkness will help. Knowing you are coming back will stop the hysterics. Good luck!

BettyBaggins · 20/02/2017 22:34

Star charts with a prize at the weekend. My daughter loved her chart and it really made a difference.

edwinbear · 20/02/2017 22:34

Breton at 3, I found leaving DS with a projector torch helped. I could leave the room with the lights out but giving him permission to play with his torch. Something like:

www.tesco.com/direct/space-torch-image-projector/608-6038.prd?source=others