Nursery and child left alone in toilet

[maybethedayafter]

This isn't so much an AIBU but I didn't know where else to put it.

I went to pick DD up from nursery today with FIL. Her room adjoins another room and the toilets which are in the middle can be accessed from both rooms (although I didn't know this). I went in to the room but realised there was no one in there as they were out in the garden so I grabbed DDs bag to go down to meet her. As we were leaving there was a girl who came out of the toilet, in to the empty room with her trousers and knickers down looking a bit lost. I popped in to the room next door and spoke to a member of staff to let her know that there was a child in the unsupervised room and she looked in, said "oh yes, she's from our room, the toilets are joined" and just went back to her room. The little girl was still standing there with everything on show looking bewildered.

I know that every child can't be supervised when they go to the toilet, but surely when it's pointed out that there's a half dressed child going the wrong way the staff member should have at least gone to check if she was okay. It's not like anyone can walk in as you need a passcode to access the building but it's happened before that someone leaving has held the door for me to go in and I didn't see a staff member between entering the building and seeing this little girl. It does raise a slight concern about security. So, AIBU?

YANBU. Book an appointment with the manager urgently. Tell them that you want to know what changes are being made to ensure this does not happen again.

I would be very concerned to have gone into a nursery and seen this, as someone said I would speak to the manager and explain all the incidents you've seen and ask what's going to be done about it. That poor little girl, just left to wander around with her trousers down? That's awful.

YANBU Did you help the little girl?

depends how old and if she could get out of the adjoining room. If she went the wrong way surely she'd just turn back. It's not like she's wandered onto the road. How high are door handles. If she's four of course she can go to the toilet by herself and get back into the room.

Preschool nursery or private? How old are the children?

Did anyone help her to cover herself up? That would have been my first priority, and has been if I've seen kids at DD and DS2s nursery with their pants down.

Did you tell the member of staff she was half undressed. If you just told her there was a girl in the adjoining room she would have thought that was fine.

I also assume you had pulled her pants up when you saw the little girl hadn't done it?

I also assume you had pulled her pants up when you saw the little girl hadn't done it?

I'm not sure I would pull up the pants of a child I didn't know in a setting where there are childcare providers to help her if need be. Children are encouraged to use the toilet etc by themselves, and sometimes this means that they need a little time or help to complete the process, but I wouldn't be happy if another parent took it upon themselves to intervene unless there was some imminent danger to my child.

Surely better to help a small child pull their pants up rather than leave them stood in a room nude from the waist down? Takes literally a second to help them

I would not have helped the child pull their pants up at all, and would not be happy if another did it either. I would have done exactly as OP did and alert a member of staff. I would also be following it up with the manager.

Why would you be unhappy if somebody helped your child?

I wouldn't have pulled the child's knickers up and I wouldn't be impressed if some random parent pulled my dd knickers up either tbh.

I would of done as the OP and informed the staff that are paid to care for this child! Admittedly my dd is only a baby and not been at nursery long so I don't know much about nurseries but surely someone should of gone and sorted the child out? If they didn't maybe it's worth mentioning to the manager ?

I'm obviously way too laid back about stuff. Pulling up knickers i see as the same as helping them on with boots etc.

There is no way I would have pulled the pants up on a random girl i had seen in the nursery!! Safeguarding?!

I probably would have gently said "oh, are you meant to be in the other room?" But I wouldn't ha s touched her.

I wouldn't of pulled the child's knickers up and I'd be very unimpressed to hear a stranger had pulled my child's knickers/pants up tbh. There is a diffrence between helping a child that's fallen over up and pulling a child's knickers up imo.

I would of did as OP did and told the staff, they are paid to care for this child and if doing the job properly would of gone and sorted the poor little thing out. If they did not then I think a word with manager is in order tbh

Totally OTT reaction. She is learning to go to the toilet. If she is about 4, it's not a problem for her to take herself and come back. Nor would I start grabbing someone else's kid and pulling up their knickers.

YANBU
Someone should have gone in and sorted it straight away.

TBH, I wouldn't have pulled the girls underwear or trousers up. I would have hurried a nursery worker in to do it though and been firm about it.

Some people get hysterical these days about perfectly innocent things, and so I would not put myself in a position where someone could accuse me of being inappropriate. It is a shame because years ago something like this would not have been a big deal, you could pull a kids pants up and send them on their way, but not anymore.
Safe guarding is taken much more seriously which is a good thing, but it also means people feel they can't help a child if it means any physical contact whatsoever.

I think it depends what you said.
If you just said 'there's a child in toilet' the worked wouldn't have known there was anything wrong and this yabu.
If you said ' there's a child with her knickers down who needs help' and the worker didn't go and help then yanbu.,

You'd have to be mad to pull up a unknown small child's underware while alone in a room with them.

YANBU OP, doesn't sound great. Not so much that the child was alone, but that no one went to her once they knew.

. It is a shame because years ago something like this would not have been a big deal, you could pull a kids pants up and send them on their way, but not anymore.

But you can still do this, and the more people realise that it's perfectly acceptable, and the more that people actually do this sort of thing, then hopefully we'll start to get back a less hysterical way of thinking rather than that every adult is a paedohilic rapist who wants to look at small children's genitals.

*The mighty
*
I agree it should still be that way. I personally don't feel comfortable helping kids I don't know any more because of this mentality that every stranger is a pervert.

A kid fell over in my local park last week and the parents were nowhere to be seen (were with the dog quite far away).
She cried her heart out and had a bleeding cut on her knee and ripped her tights, and although I helped her up and sat her down, I was worried to death a parent would appear and accuse me of getting too close or interfering or what ever.

That's lovely that you helped even though it made you uncomfortable. What you have to try to remember is if a parent gets upset that you helped their child, then it is them that has the problem. Not you. By helping a child you are doing the normal, natural thing. The paedo on every corner parents are the people who need to change the way they react

Reading this thread as somebody who has been living and raising kids outside the UK for many years is really weird. I have never experienced this fear of interacting with other people's kids. Sounds horrible tbh.

I'll have to remember it if I ever go back. Do not help kids cover up if they're half naked and look lost/confused!!

It is horrible redsauce and that's why I ignore it and carry on helping small children if necessary. There are some very odd attitudes in this country.It frustrates me and saddens me

YANBU at all, and I would have reported it to the manager. Unfortunately in this day and age, it would have been totally inappropriate for op to have helped the little girl with her pants, safeguarding, abuse. She did the right thing, alerting a member of staff, and I would have alerted her again, once you see she has not done anything.