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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to quit my £30k job for a £15k position

22 replies

Auit · 20/02/2017 18:26

I have Aspergers.

Before DP, DSD and DD came into my life I coped well at work.

Over the last ten years though trying balance busy work and home life has been constantly stressful. Five years ago I took out additional life insurance which would even pay out for suicide, I felt that bad.
TBH it's been a constant firefight.

The one thing that has kept me in post, apart of course financial necessity, was flexibility and understanding at work.
A new boss has put an end to that sadly.

My mortgage is nearly paid off already.
With the passing of my dear Mum last year, I will be in the position to pay off all debt and my mortgage within 18 months, once Mum's estate is finally processed.

Given my stress levels, unhappiness at work and not having to earn so much due to Mums legacy, reducing my income would be possible.
I found a job advert as a teaching assistant working with ASC kids.
I love kids, I would love to be able help kids with my disability.
I would have much fewer hours so I could support my DD (who may have Aspergers too) going into her teen years.

My wages would halve but due to mums legacy, debt and mortgage payments would go down £600-£700.

DP doesn't like the idea however. :(

Advice? AIBU?

OP posts:

oneohfivethreeeight · 20/02/2017 18:33

I did something similar with what my DF left me. Never regretted it for a moment. The lack of stress is wonderful.

GallicosCats · 20/02/2017 18:35

Go for it. If your expenses are covered and you won't be out of pocket, why not? I recently worked out that I was better off in my PT £8k job than a FT £21K London based one by the time I'd factored in transport, parking, tax and NI. And that's without the stress of commuting.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 20/02/2017 18:35

What were his reasons against?

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 20/02/2017 18:35

Sounds like a great idea. Why doesn't your DP want you to do it? Is he afraid that the family will suffer in some way?

yoyo1234 · 20/02/2017 18:36

Do you think your family could manage with the £600-700 drop in income?
If so I do not think you are being unreasonable. I think that if it would really affect your DP, DD and DSD then you have to think hard about the family

RandomMess · 20/02/2017 18:38

Does he realise how difficult you are truly finding life?

Your wages wouldn't actually half as £10k of it is tax free etc!

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 20/02/2017 18:41

What effect would the drop of wage have on your family?

If your families quality of life will suffer then I think it would be unreasonable but if your quality of life wouldn't be effected and you can live as you do now then it would be ok.

semanwen · 20/02/2017 18:42

Would you be happy if he did the same? Would you be able to afford it for both of you?

If yes- then fantastic- go for it. If not then you are being unreasonable.

I would also volunteer to go and work in a school with children with autism. It is not an unstressful job.

fiorentina · 20/02/2017 18:51

Does he feel as though all the pressure will be on him to earn the majority of the money to support the family and pay other bills? Although your mortgage willl be paid off, other bills add up and if you add in saving for retirement etc maybe it is stressing him out. Can he also get a less stressful role?
I think you need an honest discussion about that but hopefully you can find a compromise.

guggenheim · 20/02/2017 18:58

Definitely do it. It doesn't have to be forever, so if in 2 years time you felt able to deal with a more stressful role then you could apply.

Having time to think about your career could open up all kinds of opportunities which wouldn't come your way if you stay where you are now.

You'll have to budget carefully but think you should go for it.

Original poster

Auit · 20/02/2017 19:03

Wow thanks so much for the replies x

Would you be happy if he did the same? Would you be able to afford it for both of you?

I supported DP when he hated and quit his job, a few years back to do an additional MSc.
He then wanted to do a Phd, which ended in a failed VIVA after the first year.
I took on significant debt at the time due to much reduced family income as I was the only earner at that time.

OP posts:

soupmaker · 20/02/2017 19:04

I took voluntary redundancy from a £50k+ job to take some time out to look after the DC. Was the best thing I ever did. I've loved it and am only now after 6 months thinking of returning to work. I am looking for roles earning about £20k a year. I've had enough of juggling stressful work and family life. Life is too short.

In your position I'd be doing exactly as you plan. Why is your DH opposed?

fiorentina · 20/02/2017 19:04

Sounds like it's your turn for some time to focus on yourself then!

MatildaTheCat · 20/02/2017 19:05

This sounds very reasonable but I would urge caution about looking for a less stressful job within a school environment. It's super stressy even for teaching assistants according to all my friends who work in the field.

Could you gain some experience before committing to this particular field? In principle it all sounds good but would be a shame if you ended up regretting the decision.

geordiedench · 20/02/2017 19:05

Do it. As PPs have said, you won't be 50% down on cash, as first £10k is tax free. And working part time should save you a fortune in childcare over the holidays, and in commuting etc. Also, once your stress levels reduce you may be able to top up your income with some literacy tutoring etc, outside school hours.

PhilODox · 20/02/2017 19:25

Are you a qualified teacher or teaching assistant? Do you have experience in a classroom?
Having a condition, whilst giving you a unique insight, does not qualify you to do this job.
Teachers are leaving in droves- many to TA positions.

Athome77 · 20/02/2017 19:40

I don't think working with children with ASD as a TA is stressfree. I worked in one school, it said consistency, children with ASD need consistency blah blah, I never had any extra training, there was no teacher and in the 3 weeks I was there I was the only adult in the room everyday, everyone was supply and the longest anyone had been there was 4 months (but that person only did two days per week, and was also a TA). I got smacked several times. Definetly not stressfree.

Athome77 · 20/02/2017 19:41

Just thought I'd add, I worked in several settings as a TA and most settings were lovely, just that one was awful!

felinewonderful · 20/02/2017 19:44

I would encourage anyone to take a less stressful job with less hours if they wanted to and were in a financial position to make it possible.

However working as a TA with children who have additional needs/ASD is not really a low stress job so make sure it is what you want.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 20/02/2017 19:45

Never underestimate how stressful and frightening not having enough money is.

However from what you have said, it sounds as though this will not be a problem. Is the job permanent?

Gottabeyou · 20/02/2017 19:46

Why don't you apply and see if you get shortlisted? Adverts for teaching assistants in my area ask for qualifications or three years experience. It might be something you can work towards by volunteering or studying. Also might be risky as you don't know for sure you will like it!

Olympiathequeen · 20/02/2017 19:46

Do it. Work to live not live to work really is the only way to go.

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