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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was this woman unreasonable to shout at my daughter?

102 replies

oceanstars · 19/02/2017 20:56

I was swimming with DD (18 months) and she was excited and shouting a bit and splashing.

A woman kept giving her daggers and tutting whenever she swam past and saying "too many children." Then when she got splashed shouted at DD "and you can just stop that!"

AIBU to think you don't shout at babies?

OP posts:
hazelnutlatte · 21/02/2017 18:59

I've been tutted at when I was swimming in the pool at the gym with my kids. No idea what I had done wrong, half the pool was allocated as 'family fun session' and the other half was lanes. No idea why some people wanted to swim lengths in the family fun area when there were lanes available but when I was tutted at I tutted right back!

Daydream007 · 21/02/2017 19:15

She sounds awful shouting at your baby like that! Children splash in pools.

Olympiathequeen · 21/02/2017 19:18

I was slated on MN several years ago for complaining that my disabled child had been kicked by a woman breast stroking and having no regard for my child, because we were in her way and she was trying to lane swim.

The only problem was we were in the learner pool as the big one was closed for schools to lane swim. The learner pool had no lanes!

Plenty of understanding but many people saying we should have got out of the way of the swimmer as they had priority. It showed me that serious 'lane' swimmers are rude and entitled no matter what pool they are in.

ExitStage · 21/02/2017 19:22

Who'd have thought you might get splashed in a swimming pool?

Nerdymum83 · 21/02/2017 19:51

First of all, she's only 18 months old and still a lil babe. Swimming is fun and exciting for her. Of course she's going to splash and be noisy. And oh my god, getting wet in the pool?! Like when has that ever happened? :O
In all seriousness, this woman was unreasonable and a moron.
I'd have told the silly cow to piss of and get out of the pool if she doesn't want to get wet and to mind her own business. You and your child had every right to be there. If she didn't want to interact with you, swim a bit further away.

user1470509117 · 21/02/2017 22:07

She should have more sense. Did she really expect an 18 month child to listen or even understand? If she didn't like your baby there she should have just moved herself. I don't like being splashed in the eyes but some people are just ignorant. I hope you'very gone back since or do go back.

Judyzoo · 21/02/2017 22:27

Unbelievable!!! Next time you go, encourage your 18 month old to be incredibly loud and incredibly splashy!! Obvs not in the lanes tho ;-) (but even if you were, no one should shout at your little one - could cause a trauma for life!!!) xxx

Deathstarevicki · 21/02/2017 23:38

I would of been too shocked to respond, but after the shock passed, I would of gone out of my way to tsunami her while trying to think of something to say back when she shouted again. I'm pregnant atm so a bit delayed Sad

AlexRose5 · 22/02/2017 08:36

YANBU!!!
What kind of fruitcake screams at a baby?! Angry
What the hell does she think babies do in water?!
Omg I don't think I could've bit my tongue there if it was me. The nerve of her.
What's wrong with people these days ?! Angry
So many being begrudging of kids even putting a foot wrong! And then if they're told EH BABIES DONT MEAN OFFENCE... BECAUSE THEYRE BABIES. DUH.
Then some clown will ALWAYS come out of the woodwork and start throwing up that shitty overused word, ENTITLED. Hmm. Grinds my gears so much!
People need to remember they were innocent kids themselves once!!

Talith · 22/02/2017 09:18

Another one on the fence here. I loathe being splashed in the face. I count the days til youngest is 8 so I don't have to be in the damn piss filled pool or stand anywhere near the splashy wee sod and can just read books on the sidelines. So I have sympathy for the lady especially if she has ponied up for membership too and was hoping for a quiet swim.

On the other hand babies can't be expected to be impassive in a lovely exciting swimming pool. I think she was rude to comment. Baby splashing is nothing compared to a 7 year old dramatically bellyflopping in your vicinity!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 22/02/2017 11:19

alex where has anyone called the OP entitled though? Confused

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 11:40

The woman was wrong to shout. Although it's fascinating that by this point in th thread she is "screaming" at the baby.

But if you are in a pool with a baby and adult swimmers you don't know you make sure that the baby is not in splashing distance of the adults. Basic good manners.

AlexRose5 · 22/02/2017 12:21

Bertandrussell
Shout
scream
general hostility
there's no excuse for any of it towards a baby !
They don't UNDERSTAND and sadly they think everyone is their friend! They don't have the capacity to anticipate disgruntled adults swimming past they're just splashing and having fun as babies should!
The baby in question was either oblivious to the woman or thought she would enjoy the splashing as much as she was!
And as for basic good manners meaning watching the baby is not splashing people well that isn't failsafe, water and babies aren't all that predictable funnily enough . Hmm
I honestly despair of the world these days!
There's no allowance for babies being babies!
When I was growing up if I swam past a splashing baby in a pool and got splashed I'd shrug it off! It's a pool. With water. Splashes happen even from adults!
Gosh this subject has wound me up quite a bit Hmm

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 12:23

"When I was growing up if I swam past a splashing baby in a pool and got splashed I'd shrug it off! It's a pool. With water. Splashes happen even from adults! "

Yes, so would I. I still do, regularly.

But I would still move any baby I was supervising away from people who might not want to get splashed.

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 12:24

And no of course the baby doesn't understand and it's not the baby's fault and nobody should shout at babies.

AlexRose5 · 22/02/2017 12:32

Awaywiththepixies
I was using it as a general term to describe what I see on the whole going on towards people with babies.
I see it in the threads on here quite a lot!
People being labelled "entitled" and it's not just when the exact word is used! It's implied a lot too.
Such as:
"Oh in a place where adults are you should stop your baby from splashing , general good manners!" Implying that if a baby splashes it's GOT to have been a lack of manners on the parents part 🙄
In general I think there's a culture lately of people lambasting parents for every squeak that comes out of their kids and I'm wondering has the world always been like that ? Have I just assumed all adults should be understanding towards babies and been completely wrong or what?
Because my mother raised me to exercise patience towards those who do not understand social etiquette . Be that a very small child or someone with a mental disability .
People want to talk about "general good manners" they should try take a lesson from my mums teachings.
Makes more sense to expect an adult to. E wise and understanding than to expect an 18 month old baby to know they've been such dreadful little humans and splashed a woman at a pool Hmm
Like seriously 🙄

AlexRose5 · 22/02/2017 12:36

Bertandrussell
Who says the OP wasn't trying to keep her baby from splashing?
For all we know she could've been doing her utmost to keep the splashing to a minimum , it's what I would do !
However
As I've said, splashes DO happen and it's not just from babies!
Adults accidentally splash too .
Seriously people need to get over themselves if they think there is EVER an acceptable circumstance to be hostile towards a baby.
It's pure nasty!

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 12:43

"Bertandrussell
Who says the OP wasn't trying to keep her baby from splashing? "

Because she would have said.

AlexRose5 · 22/02/2017 12:49

And don't get me wrong, I have a very tight handle in my kids when we're out. If my baby splashes someone for instance, I'd apologise unreservedly to the person and maybe mormveca littke further over to prevent a repeat .
I wouldn't however , in a million years tolerate someone being hostile towards my baby! Angry
OP
You ANBU .
That person at the pool was in the wrong and they should be ashamed of themselves.
I hope it hasn't put you off taking your little one to the pool. Not all other swimmers are as disgruntled and unreasonable as that individual was 🌸

AlexRose5 · 22/02/2017 12:56

Bertandrussell
Oh right so because she didn't specify that she was making an effort to keep her baby from splashing others, I guess that means she was automatically letting the 18 month old have a free for all , like a little splashing anarchist?! 🙈

I would automatically be vigilant with my kids to ensure they weren't being an unnecessary nuisance to others, so I wouldn't feel the need to state it ....as in my book it's a given .
In my experience most parents DO try keep their kids out of people's way so I've just assumed OP does the same.
Either way though, the post is about an ADULT being hostile towards a BABY.
So even IF OP was being inconsiderate ,and letting her baby cause mayhem, then surely
the adult should've spoke to the other ADULT ?!

ItsNachoCheese · 22/02/2017 13:27

The woman would of despised my ds if it were him there. He is a splashing machine from the moment he gets in the water Grin Its not as if its deliberate splashing its just babies being babies in the water. Its how they learn

user1471596238 · 22/02/2017 13:56

Lol, that made me chuckle.

BaconMaker · 22/02/2017 14:38

This is why I don't swim for exercise any more, even in the lanes it got so nasty - people wouldn't let other people overtake, deliberately splashing past each other - it was behaviour you wouldn't expect from 4 year olds.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/02/2017 14:50

Silly woman, its a public pool, and your daughter is just very little. If she wants a private swim, she can build her own pool in her back garden.

moyesp · 22/02/2017 16:54

Hate to say this but maybe she was lonely and wanted to chat.
Reason I say this was my son when he was four went to visit his great granddad in a home and the lady nearby shouted at him not to play in the Old peoples home lounge. My granddad shouted back at her. After that she always asked for my boy and when was he coming to visit.

But the lady should have been reported to the lifeguard for her rude behaviour.