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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else find this pretty ignorant and offensive

322 replies

Herdingcows · 19/02/2017 09:22

Advert for a local company popped up on my fb, what were they thinking!

Anyone else find this pretty ignorant and offensive
OP posts:
BadKnee · 19/02/2017 17:57

Not in the least offensive - to me. If others are offended that is their right but it doesn't mean it should be censored.

(And their are many other things that are regularly said on here and in life that offend me massively - yet I doubt I'd get far trying to stop them being said)

Sallystyle · 19/02/2017 17:59

Why is there a double standard though?

It wouldn't be ok to joke about autism in this way, it wouldn't be ok to name a business and make a pun out of ASD. It wouldn't be ok for someone to laugh and say they are a little bit ASD. I haven't noticed that anyone has addressed that point yet. Why?

It's because the years of misuse of the term OCD and the stupid fucking programmes has lead people to believe it isn't that bad, it's acceptable to make a joke out of our illness. It really isn't though.

For some people this cake thing seems like a small thing, but for some of us it represents so much more. It represents how hard it for us to be taking seriously at times, it represents how rife misconceptions about OCD are and it's just another (small) slap in the face that once again someone is using the term OCD to try to be funny and cool.

Elledouble · 19/02/2017 17:59

I don't think anyone's saying it should be forbidden. Or even that it's offensive to everyone. Just that people might be kind enough to realise that mental health issues might not be the best subject for jokes.

BBCNewsRave · 19/02/2017 18:07

Would it be ok to make racist jokes? Have a racist name for the cake business? I mean, I could come up with some but my post would be deleted and quite psosibly my account suspended!

Yet for some reason someone being upset because it involves MH issues doesn't matter. THAT'S actually why it matters so much, and why it's so upsetting - the whole world discriminates against people with MH issues and most people don't give a shit.

MuseumOfCurry · 19/02/2017 18:09

Would it be ok to make racist jokes?

Well, no, but certainly you'll find a lot of comedy that rests on racial observations.

user23988430 · 19/02/2017 18:17

Great if you're not offended but I can think of a lot of people who might be quietly hurt by it.

Thank you YouOKHun Flowers Yes, I couldn't agree more.

I've just been out for a couple of hours, and spent most of the time thinking about this thread and how to attempt to explain why trivialising OCD is so hurtful and thoughtless. I still don't know how to do that, so am grateful for your post.

I'm not persuaded by "but we're laughing at the illness, not the person". The illness may affect the person greatly and has arisen within the person, in the brain/mind, where most people consider "themself" to be, so they're not unconnected. For most illnesses it would be unlikely to see an advert based on "Laugh at us, we're (insert behaviour) like a (insert medical problem)!"

Only recently everyone was horrified by Donald Trump appearing to trivialise a disability, yet if it's OCD, so many people think it's acceptable Confused

From the OCD-UK website: "In fact, it can be so debilitating and disabling that the World Health Organisation (WHO) has actually ranked OCD in the top ten of the most disabling illnesses of any kind, in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life."

sibys1 · 19/02/2017 18:58

Didn't know that about the WHO, thanks for the info.

Sure I saw a study recently that said people with OCD are ten times more likely to commit suicide than non-sufferers.

I don't get why a business would think that'd be a cute thing to parody on a cake.

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 19/02/2017 20:57

Yeah, well, then if Fry came on this thread, I would point out that a) nobody has said they were severely offended about the cake poster

The OP seems extremely offended, hence the thread, as do many people agreeing with her. Which is of course their right.

I'm not happy with the idea that because some people are offended by something, we all should be, and there is something wrong with us if we aren't, that we are insensitive and cruel. Which has certainly been heavily implied, of not explicitly stated. I'm sure we all have things that offend us, I would never expect everyone to be offended on my behalf.

sibys1 · 19/02/2017 21:53

MrsMeeseeks - this is something people like to do on mumsnet; it's a faux-sympathetic way of telling a poster they must be mentally unwell to hold X view. I think it's akin to gaslighting. There are some unpleasant people around.

StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2017 21:56

" So I suggest you find yourself a ladder (preferably a large one) and shove it up your arse."
I am childishly snorting at this.

No one has really said whether they think my iced bun ad wpuld be bad taste or upsetting.
strange.

StrangeLookingParasite · 19/02/2017 23:05

I'd still like to know why some people get so angry with people who are bothered about this sort of thing. Why does it matter to them?

I'm not angry. I've learned, very, very slowly, that getting angry or offended at everything I don't like is a waste of emotional energy, exhausting, and makes me majorly unhappy. Given my spectacular capacity for depression, it's fairly important for me to try to reduce stuff that I know will make me unhappy, without actually achieving anything, as being angry or offended at things like this would.
I was not always like this.

I don't think I'd think about your iced bun ad after seeing it, for more than a couple of seconds, SPB.

kali110 · 19/02/2017 23:21

Think some will be and some people won't be. I found it rather funny.

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 19/02/2017 23:23

No one has really said whether they think my iced bun ad wpuld be bad taste or upsetting.strange

I answered you, I don't think I was the only one? You ignored me, anyway,

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2017 06:25

Ops sorry! Will check back.

Katy07 · 20/02/2017 08:30

For the lover of jokes poking fun at mental illness maybe
This is an example of where it crosses the line between saying 'I find it offensive' and 'Everyone should find it offensive or there's something wrong with them'.

Katy07 · 20/02/2017 08:38

It wouldn't be ok to joke about autism in this way, it wouldn't be ok to name a business and make a pun out of ASD. It wouldn't be ok for someone to laugh and say they are a little bit ASD. I haven't noticed that anyone has addressed that point yet. Why?
I addressed it several pages ago and made the point that you can use obsessive & compulsive in general use, but autistic tends to only have one meaning i.e. relating to autism so it's not that easy to form new acronyms from ASD. And because autism is such a wide spectrum (I acknowledge that OCD is pretty broad too but public knowledge seems to stop with cleaning whereas with autism it seems to stop before any knowledge at all has been gained) it's not that easy to identify a particular aspect that you could use in a jokey way. (Probably haven't explained that very well)

Sallystyle · 20/02/2017 13:03

You can use obsessive and compulsive in general use. But not OCD as the D stands for disorder as you know. There is only one meaning for OCD.

Deadsouls · 20/02/2017 13:05

Is that the name of the company? Or just a tag line. It's not very funny just weird. But I don't find it offensive.

0nline · 20/02/2017 13:15

For the lover of jokes poking fun at mental illness maybe

You mean my family, friends and circle in general ?

Whose humour about

-the disorders I have

and

-the way they fuck with me (and by extension fuck with them)

...meant my diagnosis and subsequent transition to a rather testing time (ongoing) of using strategies to reduce the impact on my life that the symptoms cause ....was more giggle-fest than gloom infested ?

Thank god they didn't turn around and stop taking the piss out of me (via my disorders) when I got diagnosed because I was no longer "normal" and had to suddenly be treated with kid gloves. Because that would have finished me off. Things were hard enough as it was without being suddenly relegated to the untouchables table, who can't be teased.

In the decades since offence/feelings have become entrenched as the primary argument for watching what you say about non-physical conditions, what has been achieved ?

Are fewer people dying needlessly thanks to a lack of support services and medical access ?

Are more people given a timely diagnosis and carefully monitored entry into medication so the side effects can be minimised and an effective dosage be achieved as quickly and painlessly as possible ?

Are fewer families being left to cope with a loved one whose symptoms in crisis are so severe that entire groups of people are held hostage by their condition. Without any of the training, tools, or time off required to manage without depression, exhaustion and loss of hope ?

Are fewer people with every chance of managing life reasonably successfully being left without adequate medical, emotional and practical support, resulting in a spiral whereby they become far less successful in life than they could have been ? With the double whammy of then being dismissed as a drain on society.

Are fewer children being left in educational settings without the support/funding they need to achieve to the full extent of their abilities ?

Is the proportion of the prison population with MHI decreasing ?

Nope. If anything things have moved even further and faster in the wrong direction.

But viral witch hunts of people who have put their foot in it on facebook are at an all time high, so ... result !

It's just a personal theory, but by giving so much oxygen to what are more minor issues in the grand scheme of things might actually be counter productive if people want notable changes where it can have the most real world, tangible benefit, for a significant number of people.

Offering potential supporters a sense of "doing something" and "being a good person" who is "helping to effect change to help those with non-.physical conditions" via clicktivism and online outrage gives them high pay off for relatively little effort.

But it doesn't function as an entry level drug. The online army doesn't then flock around a push for gov. to look again at MH provision. Or the massive fuck up that is happening whereby schools are required to provide support, but have neither the expertise, nor the funds to do so to the necessary degree They don't turn to their MPs in anything like the same numbers to kick up a stink and waggle their vote with "only if you do the right thing by MH" scrawled on it in with such consistency that the gov. of the day goes "err, hang on, rethink time". ( worth remembering that political parties of ALL FLAVOURS have grossly let down people with MHI for decades )

They just leap on the next twitter-flap.

Why wouldn't they ? They have been led to believe they are helping in a significant way. They think they are doing a very good thing even while gratifying their own enjoyment of a bit of online argy-bargy in the process. It allows them to perceive themself as sensitive, informed, caring etc etc.. But actually costs them very little. Which is not an insignificant motivational factor when you consider that many people have good intensions, but are time/money crunched.

When people feel they have done and are doing their bit and then some, they are much harder to motivate into giving time and energy in ways that are much more costly to them personally. Especially if the route to giving donating more energy feels like boring work, and distinctly unattractive after a knackering day. Especially when they've become convinced that sitting on a comfy sofa, sub consciously feeling superior to somebody else as they police their language , is just as valid and useful.

What has happened IMO is that genuine good will has been redirected and squandered by self appointed internet activists/activism. And I think they do it in good faith too. I honesty believe that the self appointed activists believe they are a force for good.

But humans will always be human. If you offer your supporters a Ferrero Rocher tent and plates of lentils tent to sit in while they do the supporting , far more people will pick the bite sized chocolate. Especially if they are under the impression they have similar "nutritional value". I.e. they are equally worthy and useful forms of support that will result in similar, tangible, real world gains.

Online outrage by/on about language/awareness of MH conditions is the Ferrero Rocher in the equation. And it has proven so moorish that the uptake of the lentil option (constant, off-line, sizeable badgering of successive governments to halt the decades of slash and burn in MH provision) has utterly failed to keep up with the needed pressure required. The lentil tent simply cannot compete in terms of recruiting warm bodies who are willing to move en mass for the sake of a principle.

I'd say the same phenomenon can be seen in issues as they relate to those with physical disabilities. There has never been more online outrage. Woe betide the person who in their non-wilful ignorance uses a term deemed by some to be offensive, cos they shalt be dog piled within an inch of their life.

At the same time into-the-bone cuts to support for those with disability have gone through with barely a whimper of real world protest from the general public. And this despite the general public being broadly supportive of the principle of a robust welfare state and medical provision for those with disabilities.

Personally I've given up. I feel utterly alienated by the tone, debate practices and priorities of the people who have wrestled the larger part of control over "our voice". I don't think we can roll this back, or rein it in. But I'll be damned if I'll join in. I can't see any lentilly solutions that have a realistic hope of success anymore. That ship has probably sailed. But I can avoid becoming part of one of the problems that IMO has helped nudge any hope of solutions off the table.

I, like most people, do not enjoy fuck faces deliberately belittling me for sport via my Unholy Trinity of Disorders. But despite being distinctly more challenged than your average human when it comes to regulating and managing my emotional responses to stimuli, I still think we should have focused on the bigger issues and the larger picture back when we still had a chance to at least slow down the erosion of services and support.

But we didn't. So good luck to my counterpart in 5/10/15 years time. I hope you at least manage to get an appointment and arrive at a diagnosis the way I was able to. Cos understanding that I had the Unholy Trinity and wasn't just "the rather crap person" I believed I was did an awful lot for my self esteem and sense of control over my destiny.

I don't think any increase in checking of able-brained privilege around you, or the improved degree of tongue biting (for fear of using the wrong word, or saying the wrong thing) will be much compensation for a lack of of access to medication, support and therapeutic approaches. But I appear to be in a minority with that opinion in this brave new world.

OurBlanche · 20/02/2017 13:22

Online That was - and I hesitate to use such a fluff-fest of a word - awesome

I am very happy that the minority I felt I was alone in includes such eloquent 'fuck you' posters as yourself Grin

0nline · 20/02/2017 13:34

OurBlanche

Hello you !

^^The above may freak you out cos I suspect several of my name changes have happened since we last chatted. Grin

roarityroar · 20/02/2017 13:38

You need to charge your phone

misses point

OurBlanche · 20/02/2017 14:20

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Mmm! Now pondering who you were/are. Wondering if I post enough possibilities I'll get the right username Smile

LadyPW · 20/02/2017 14:28

Look at it from a different view - if it gets people having a conversation about OCD then surely it's a good thing? An opportunity to calmly and politely correct misunderstandings that others might have. The more open we are about any sort of mental issues the more likely we are to get support and improve the situation generally.

Somerville · 20/02/2017 14:51

I don't consider a cake advert that is playing on harmful stereotypes that belittle a serious medical condition to be being open about it, frankly, lady.