To get so worked up about sleep?

[hippoherostandinghere]

I have 2 DC. Ds 7 and DD 5. We've always had a very set bedtime routine from when they were babies and they were always in bed by seven and asleep soon after. Now they're a bit older there is more activites on in the evening and sometimes they're later getting to bed. So I feel when we're at home all evening they need to get to bed early to catch up on their sleep.

But DS takes forever to fall asleep and I find myself getting quite worked up about it. He had a really busy weekend which involved a lot of travelling and lack of sleep. He then couldn't sleep Sunday night and had to be up at 630 for me to go to work on Monday morning. Told DH to put him to bed early while DD and I were out on Monday evening. Came home to find him still wide awake reading. He then wasn't asleep to after 9. Same tonight.

Am I stressing too much? Is after 9 every night normal for a 7 year old? I'd really just love him to get a few early nights when we're not out.

After 9 is late! Well it is for mine who are the same age.

What has your DH said about this?

My 8yo is asleep by 730 every night.

10+11yo by 9 every night.
They sleep til 7/730.

My ds is a night owl who will not sleep before 9-9.30. I used to get stressed about it but about 2 years ago I gave up and his bedtime has crept later until it's lights out at 9.30. He's not tired and he won't sleep earlier. Some kids just need less sleep! Stressing doesn't help

Sorry ds is 8.5 now

See I knew it was late! Dh feels the same as I do. DS is in bed by 730 any night we're at home but he just won't fall over until much later. Don't know how to help him.

9pm is later than normal for a 7yo, but they're all different. My DC1 has always needed less sleep than his siblings. I also struggled to fall asleep as a child.

If he's reading quietly in bed then I would try to stop stressing about it.

They were both in bed at 7 tonight. DD asleep around 8 and Ds after 9. He'll be up again at 630 am

Sometimes they just don't need more sleep. How is he normally? Is he constantly tired or is he getting enough sleep for his body?

My 8yo is unusual, but doesn't fall asleep until around midnight and he's up at 5.15am every morning. He's been checked over by various docs, but he's fine. He doesn't fall asleep or feel tired at school. He's active, eats well etc. He just doesn't need as much sleep as the average kid. Which I guess to have an average someone needs to need less!

Unless he's constantly yawning and obviously tired I'd stop stressing about the extra sleep. If he doesn't need it, he doesn't need it.

He doesn't seem overly tired during the day. Very active, plays football 3 times and week and swims once a week. Doing great at school. He's small and under weight but always has been as is DD.

What's pre-bed routine like? Screen time limited?

Are you and your husband below average height?

The thing is, it's very hard to force yourself to sleep. It doesn't sound like an act of deliberate defiance on his part: more that he simply struggles to adhere to sleeping at 7.

How about sending him to bed at 8?

Very little screen time on school days. 30 mins tonight at 6. Stories together from 630 then into seperate rooms. Where he will lie and lie and not sleep. He's read a full Tom Gates book in 3 nights.

5 foot 3 and 5 foot 8.

Why is he still reading at 9? I turn the lights off for my 7 year old. He doesn't control that aspect of his bedtime.

I turned lights out at 8 tonight.

Tossing and turning helps no one sleep, ever!

I really think you should just accept that's how he is and stop stressing

sleepfoundation.org/excessivesleepiness/content/how-much-sleep-do-babies-and-kids-need

I have DS (7) and DD (5). I looked into this a while back and found the above chart as I too was concerned DS wasn't getting enough. I like him to be asleep by 7.30pm but he is often still awake at 8.30pm-9pm and wakes naturally somewhere between 6-6.30am. I've decided to just accept he doesn't need anymore sleep.

One problem I've had, is that my anxiety about him getting sufficient sleep has now rubbed off on him and maybe once or twice a month he appears at around 9.30pm upset and worried that he can't get to sleep, so will be tired the next day - a bit like an adult waking up at 4am and then watching the alarm clock getting increasingly anxious about not being able to get back to sleep. So I've tried to really step back from trying to insist he has more sleep than he needs.

How many nights are you not at home for bedtime of thereabouts? (Sorry you mention "the nights we are home" or similar a few times)

Really is not late.

As above same with my dd, age 8 , asleep at ten us up at 7.00am. No problems , always awake before me.

Again had her to the doctor ; he said some kids just don't need 12 hours.

Stop stressing its perfectly normal.

I think it's recommended that you have at least an hour free screen time before bed. Adults too. We fail at that in our house.

I think 7pm bedtime is a very British thing. All my friends/colleagues assume I put DD to bed at 7! My DD is almost 3- bed is 8-830, up at 730 during the week. On holidays usually more like 9-930 bed, up 830-9. She's full of beans so she's obviously getting enough sleep. She's a night owl naturally and I presume that bedtime will get later naturally as she grows.

Why is 7pm a British thing? Children need more sleep, so putting them to bed early makes sense especially when most people have jobs to get to so need to get the dcs up early....

Although a child "full of beans" doesn't necessarily mean they're getting enough sleep. I know my children get very hyper when they're actually over tired. And they're 7&5!

Just that people here seem to assume bedtime is 7pm. I've been told before that children need to go to bed at 7pm. There's nothing wrong with a 7pm bedtime; but there's nothing inherently wrong with a later bedtime either. My DD gets 11-12 hours sleep a night, if I bring her to bed earlier she just won't sleep. She doesn't need to get up earlier than 730 so it's not a problem going to bed later. Sometimes she has a nap in the day, sometimes she doesn't. She's not hyper, just a normal, active 2 year old.

Mine have always just gone to sleep when they are tired - we didn't do the bedtime routine thing. Worked fine for us - DD16 now up til 10ish, DD14, half an hour before, but they take themselves off to bed whenever they feel tired, sometimes they'll read or chat for half an hour, others it will be straight to sleep. I remind them it's a school night if it is getting late, but they are morning people, so get up at 7 without a worry or a fuss, raring to go.

If you let kids self-regulate their own sleep pattern to some degree there is a lot less in the way of angst and argument. They know when they are tired, and generally know when to go to sleep. "staying up" has never been seen as a treat in our house, so they just got on with it.

At 5 mine would probably have had a shower, done teeth and be in PJs about 6.30 and in bed 7.30ish, Aged 8, would have been later due to clubs/homework etc, so PJs 8ish and bed 9ish. Now Air cadets go on til 9.30, home for 10 so a couple of nights a week, bedtime is 11pm. My sister is so precious about it - "you let her stay up til 11pm on a school night!!" yep, she is out shooting rifles, or in the flight simulator, having the time of her life - no-one looked back and thought I should have just gone to bed instead!

We go with the flow on bedtimes and choose our battles carefully. Life is sweet.