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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Valentine's Day please knock some sense into me!!!

98 replies

winterscoming911 · 14/02/2017 20:07

I'm quite aware that AIBU but I really need people to help me put this in perspective.

We have one DD who is 4. Bit of background so people get the whole picture... My DH was brought up in a household where him and his siblings watched his dad be verbally and sometimes physically abusive to his mum and also to him and his siblings on a regular basis. One of the main things that he has taken from this is making sure our daughter knows how a man should treat her especially as we've seen the effect it has had on his sisters. He also strives to always make DD feel important.

Today it's obviously Valentine's Day. DH ordered me a beautiful bunch of flowers and he ordered DD a medium sized teddy bear that came with a very small box of chocs. Lovely. Except that they mixed up the order and sent DD the same bunch of flowers as me but also with a small bear with the chocs. I guess I just feel abit unimportant that my DD basically got a better present than I did although I know that wasn't the original plan.
Growing up I knew my dad adored me but I also knew that my mum and me had different relationships with him, they were the team and I guess this is just heightening my own stupid insecurities. I'm being pathetic aren't it?!?!

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 14/02/2017 21:39

OP, your husband sounds like a good bloke. Don't fret over stuff like this. It's a mistake and your DD won't get odd ideas from it. She's 4 and will just be pleased to have a new teddy.

Not clear at all on why people felt the need to be quite so aggressive in their replies to the OP. I can see why she hasn't returned.

SunshinenSparkles · 14/02/2017 21:42

Well my OH hasn't even said 'happy valentines' to me today lol he totally knows what day it is too.

DS who will be 2 on Monday greeted me this morning with "Mumma" and a big kiss when I opened his bedroom door....so today I feel blessed, even if my OH can't be arsed to acknowledge me.

I think your hubby is thoughtful and kind and wants his little girl to grow up to hold her husband to standards. You are one lucky lady

ellamoromou · 14/02/2017 21:43

There is nothing 'weird' or 'creepy' about sending a valentine card to you child

I did to my son - always signed with an '?' and a cheesy poem up until he was around 12/13 and started getting genuine ones

To be jealous of your child receiving flowers in a mix up by the florists is all sorts of weird and creepy though OP - surely you can see this isn't normal?

confusedandemployed · 14/02/2017 21:46

Nah. Not falling for this one.

ItsNachoCheese · 14/02/2017 21:47

I celebrated valentines day by taking my ds to his water babies class then we went for lunch. Yabu to be annoyed at a mistake that was outwith your dh's control

TheNaze73 · 14/02/2017 21:47

It's happened to us all OP. YANBU. How dare he?

Ring 101, log an official complaint, get a SHL & get all your ducks in a row. Have you snooped on his phone? If not, put a tracker on his phone

Sassenach85 · 14/02/2017 21:49

Epic fail

Booshbeesh · 14/02/2017 21:53

I see where your coming from but i honestly think ur husbands got the ideas wrong. abusers usually make a MASSIVE deal out of days like valentines, caring loving people show appreciation everyday. I think relay this to him. And hes clearly a man with a huge heart so gove this one day to.ur little one just this one year and maybe next year if hes so determined to do the same. I think mummy and daddy should MAKE her a gift.

gluteustothemaximus · 14/02/2017 21:57

LTB

Judydreamsofhorses · 14/02/2017 21:58

My siblings and I always got Valentine's cards from parents/grandparents when we were kids. (Better than now, when I get zip - although my DP did cook Mac and cheese for dinner.)

Birdsgottaf1y · 14/02/2017 22:00

OP, I've read and responded to a few of your threads.

It seems that you and your DH are often Parenting your DD, in ways, as a result of your childhood experiences and they don't often go well together.

More communication, understanding and compromise is needed.

He's tried his best, but it was messed up. I'd work on not reading stuff into things and letting things go.

Amethyst81 · 14/02/2017 22:01

I've got sweet fuck all today, its the same every sodding year, I pretend I don't know what today is or that I care. YABVU your DH thought of you and it wasn't even his fault! This has actually made me feel really peeved, you have nothing to get upset about what so ever!

HelenaGWells · 14/02/2017 22:05

Really? He tried to do a nice thing for you AND your DD and you are getting jealous because the company he ordered from messed up? It sounds as ridiculous as it is. if this is real you need to get over yourself and let it go.

Go and read some of the threads in relationships about partners really causing issues then count your blessings.

April229 · 14/02/2017 22:21

Who are all these creepy parents sending Valentine's Day cards to there kids? So weird.

happy2bhomely · 14/02/2017 22:22

I think your reaction is worrying. You are the first and most important example of what a woman is to her, and right now you sound not quite right.

Firstly, the flowers were sent in error, so it means nothing anyway.

I have 3 daughters (and 2 sons) and seeing how much my DH loves our children just makes me love him even more. It wouldn't occur to me to be jealous. Our 13 yr old dd sometimes asks DH for a fireman carry up to bed or snuggles with him on the sofa. It is lovely. (She doesn't ask me because I'd tell her to do one!) She loves him so much and he adores her. He adores us all, and us him.

We both have 'dysfunctional' parents and we try hard to remember that we have a responsibility to model a healthy relationship, but that is done with the little things we do, not the big gestures.

DH came home with a beautiful bunch of flowers, a tiny box of chocs and a bottle of prosecco. He didn't get the kids anything. They are not offended and I didn't share the chocolates.

RortyCrankle · 14/02/2017 23:05

Having read some of your previous threads OP, I am still shocked by what you have written but less surprised.

spooniestudent · 14/02/2017 23:54

Ltb, or you know, stop sexualising his relationship with his dd and have a

dowhatnow · 15/02/2017 00:18

He was bu buying dd a present and you are definitely bu being jealous of a child.
How will you manage as she gets older and beautiful at the same time that you get older and your looks fade? You seriously need to sort this out or you are going to screw up your dd. There is no competition.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/02/2017 01:03

You really do like analysing and micromanaging the relationships between the three of you don't you op?

Happyfeet1972 · 15/02/2017 02:17

I can't understand how you can be jealous of your 4 year old daughter? Bloody hell OP, your daughter! I'd be happy to have no presents for any occasion ever again if it guaranteed my children would get just one. Your DP tried to do a nice thing for you both, can't you be happy with that.

Reow · 15/02/2017 12:39

AQuietMind · 15/02/2017 12:58

This is one of the most batshit things I've read on here.

livefornaps · 15/02/2017 13:30

Lol @TheNaze "get all your ducks in a row"...! Baaahahaha

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