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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Valentine's Day please knock some sense into me!!!

98 replies

winterscoming911 · 14/02/2017 20:07

I'm quite aware that AIBU but I really need people to help me put this in perspective.

We have one DD who is 4. Bit of background so people get the whole picture... My DH was brought up in a household where him and his siblings watched his dad be verbally and sometimes physically abusive to his mum and also to him and his siblings on a regular basis. One of the main things that he has taken from this is making sure our daughter knows how a man should treat her especially as we've seen the effect it has had on his sisters. He also strives to always make DD feel important.

Today it's obviously Valentine's Day. DH ordered me a beautiful bunch of flowers and he ordered DD a medium sized teddy bear that came with a very small box of chocs. Lovely. Except that they mixed up the order and sent DD the same bunch of flowers as me but also with a small bear with the chocs. I guess I just feel abit unimportant that my DD basically got a better present than I did although I know that wasn't the original plan.
Growing up I knew my dad adored me but I also knew that my mum and me had different relationships with him, they were the team and I guess this is just heightening my own stupid insecurities. I'm being pathetic aren't it?!?!

OP posts:

Bettercallsaul1 · 14/02/2017 20:40

Your daughter wouldn't have been the slightest bit interested in the flowers - she's four! All she would have liked was the teddy and chocolates. So what possible difference could it have made that flowers accidently arrived with her name on them? It wasn't a "gift" from your husband as there was no intention to give! Just enjoy having two vases of flowers in the house!

GeekyWombat · 14/02/2017 20:41

Have some extra

Feel better now? You have more flowers than she does. Well done.

Also, have a biscuit

BitOutOfPractice · 14/02/2017 20:46

I'm going to say this as nicely as I can. Yes you're being pathetic OP. And a bit weird.

Bunnyfuller · 14/02/2017 20:47

Why is your DH Sending a valentine to his daughter? I thought (and it seems the shops do too) it was a day to celebrate ROMANTIC love. Not seeing many cards for daughters. You are both BU even thinking to involve a 4 yr old in this day.

CrazyCavalierLady · 14/02/2017 20:49

^^ YES to everything written above

Also: little girls learn how a man should treat a woman by watching men treat WOMEN well not by men treating little girls like women. FWIW your husband appears to be treating you well. That's enough.

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 14/02/2017 20:50

Steal her teddy if it makes you feel better. But if an odd thing to be upset over considering the mix up was nothing to do with him

Mynestisfullofempty · 14/02/2017 20:51

Oh FFS! I hope you're making this up.

bevelino · 14/02/2017 20:54

My dh has sent each of our 4dds a secret valentine card, which he does every year and the girls think it's hilarious. It's the only one they get mind.

Beeziekn33ze · 14/02/2017 20:54

Bettercallsaul. Yes, what you said.
OP has two bouquets instead of one, everyone can enjoy looking at them both for as long as they last. I hope she hasn't sent DP out for a teddy and chocolates for her!

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 14/02/2017 20:55

Also: little girls learn how a man should treat a woman by watching men treat WOMEN well not by men treating little girls like women. FWIW your husband appears to be treating you well. That's enough.

I think this is actually what OP meant, although it's not entirely clear. I think the point was that she and DH want to show the DD how a man should treat a woman by the way that DH treats OP. However, this has been undermined by DD accidentally getting a better deal than OP for Valentine's Day, because she got everything OP got and more besides. She worries that it doesn't look respectful of him, and that it sends a message that she is not cherished above all others.

OP grew up seeing and knowing that her parents' relationship with each other took precedence over their relationship with their children, thinks this is healthy, and again it has been undermined by DH (through no bloody fault of his own!) seeming to bizarrely favour DD on VDay.

In any case - yes, OP, get a grip. This is the most inconsequential cock up in the history of inconsequential cockups.

Olympiathequeen · 14/02/2017 20:57

So your DD got an age appropriate present so that she wouldn't feel left out (wee bit over compensating by the DH but nothing wrong with that) and you got lovely flowers but because a of a mix up, DD got the same flowers and you are upset/jealous?

Please get a grip.

DelphineCormier · 14/02/2017 20:58

I would kill to have a relationship with DDs dad in which he actually respected both of us tbh.

lazytuesday · 14/02/2017 20:58

i think you should really try and deal with this because it could go on to effect your daughter. Your daughter is not competition for your husbands affection. You should try your very best to work through these feelings so that she never knows about them. Its good you are talking about it on here i think thats brave and useful. However of course people are going to say you are being unreasonable because you are and you know that. You have two very different roles and types of love shown to you they are not in opposition.

SquatBetty · 14/02/2017 21:01

Sorry OP but yes you are pathetic and very, very weird.

VestalVirgin · 14/02/2017 21:02

You are very insecure. You get to have two bunches of flowers, because it is your house, and your daughter will likely not insist to have them in her room.

Please. If this sort of thing happens to you regularly, consider therapy. Being that insecure is not normal.

Do you have any actual reasons to feel that your husband treats your daughter like she's an adult (which would be worrying) and sides with her against you? Then you should address that. On itself, this flower issue is really nothing someone would normally get upset about.

I also find it weird that your husband gives your daughter anything at all on valentine's day, but perhaps I am old-fashioned, it seems to be for the whole family now.

DailyFailFuckwits · 14/02/2017 21:02

Magicpaintbrush · 14/02/2017 21:03

Wow. Really unimpressed by your reaction to an innocent mistake that was in no way your husband or daughter's fault. If this is how you react to other situations too then your DH must be constantly treading on eggshells around you. That is the sort of immature response I would expect from a young child, not a grown woman.

Pigeonpost · 14/02/2017 21:04

Wtf?

Nul points OP.

BenLinusatemyhomework · 14/02/2017 21:07

Why would you not just nick the other bunch of flowers for yourself (and a couple of the choc's)? Your DD is 4, she's not arsed about the flowers and your husband didn't 'favour' her did he? The florist made a mistake - that's it, nothing bad actually happened. In the kindest possible way OP, get a grip.

RortyCrankle · 14/02/2017 21:22

Pathetic is the understatement of the year and WTF did you seriously expect people to say on here? That it is perfectly normal for a presumably adult woman to feel what? Jealous of her 4 year old daughter because a company made an error in the order and the child received the same flowers as you erroneously? That is seriously fucked up thinking and it's no surprise you haven't been back to the thread. I think you need to see a psychiatrist.

I really hope you haven't expressed your thoughts to your DH or DD.

DancingHouse · 14/02/2017 21:23

Get over it

RuggerHug · 14/02/2017 21:28

Give your dd one single flower from the bunch and then STEAL THE REST! That'll learn her.

Or not

Teddy1970 · 14/02/2017 21:29

You're jealous of your 4 year old daughter?....seriously?...my god, I've read some crap on MN but this takes the biscuit..

Fink · 14/02/2017 21:33

Yes to everything said above, but also: your daughter's 4, so I assume her gifts weren't delivered to her in a different location from where you were and that her knowledge of how such things work is limited. If you were that bothered about it, why didn't you just accept the delivery and give her the part she was originally supposed to have (i.e. keep both bunches of flowers for yourself)? She wouldn't have cared less and it would have stopped you overreacting so much.

Kirstyinnorway · 14/02/2017 21:34

This can't be real.

If it is, it is the height of weirdness/patheticness/childishness.

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