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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a bit deflated today

19 replies

Bahh · 14/02/2017 17:14

OH and I are ready to be engaged and have discussed at length, just waiting for a ring. A couple of weeks ago he made a point of saying he was sending SD off to grandmas for Valentine's Day and could I make sure to book the day off work.

This is it, I thought! Was really excited and nervous.

... it's 5pm and nothing has happened. Nothing will.

He is ill (has only been ill since yesterday so not like he made big plans and unfortunately had to cancel - there were no plans) so I've just brought him food/painkillers and done errands all day.

I'm not even a Valentines person, I think it's just a combination of him giving me the impression that something was going to happen, and also I've never ever had anyone make a fuss of me on V day, birthdays, anniversaries etc. I want someone to think 'I know I will treat Bahh like a princess for one day because she's never experienced it and she's worth it'.

I bought him a teddy and a candle and a little message in a bottle thing weeks ago but haven't given it because he found it all while snooping the other week and he hasn't given me anything so really what's the point.

Love him to bits just feel this is a perfect example of things going a little flat lately.

OP posts:
Alaia5 · 14/02/2017 18:58

Really sorry things didn't pan out as you hoped OP Flowers
Why on earth would he ask you to take the whole day off and organise for his SD to be elsewhere if he coulfn't be bothered to do anything? That doesn't make sense.

Do you think he has a ring to propose, but just feels too ill today?

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/02/2017 19:18

Its only 7.18!! Still time!

girlelephant · 14/02/2017 19:20

I think he was planning something special but now that he's ill it just looks like there were no plans.

Fingers x'd & keep us updated! 🍀💍

BlueFolly · 14/02/2017 19:20

Why was he snooping?

Original poster
Bahh · 14/02/2017 19:25

I think it's strange too. And not to be a d!ck about it but it's kind of wasted a day off really.

I think he probably had some vague ideas of what he might do a couple of weeks ago and as time went on just didn't solidify any of it. I don't think he has a ring yet.

I know he's stressed about money at the moment but we had some spare up until this past weekend - if he'd had some forethought he could easily have done something. A home cooked meal, bunch of supermarket flowers? I'd take a cheap ring that turns my finger green because it's from him.

Am I being precious?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bahh · 14/02/2017 19:29

Folly I only meant that flippantly, I think he was looking for something else and saw them.

OP posts:
BoccadiLupa · 14/02/2017 19:33

I am so sorry Sad But there is still time. It's only 7.30pm. My OH took the day off work ... so that he could spend the whole day shopping at Westfield with his teenage daughter. Haven't even seen him yet Envy.

Alaia5 · 14/02/2017 19:36

No you are not being precious!
Valentine's Day is not the end if the world and it shouldn't take a commercial day for people to feel the need to buy flowers etc. Nevertheless, how hard can it be to mark it in some way, seeing as it exists?
Does he not suspect you're wondering why you took the day off?
Does he make thoughtful or romantic gestures in general?

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 14/02/2017 19:38

If you want to get married then just ask him. Why does he need to ask you?

bunnylove99 · 14/02/2017 19:45

OP. Im sure he likely has a ring/had best of intentions but illness has scuppered them. You should perhaps give him his gift you bought him to let him know you care.

Original poster
Bahh · 14/02/2017 19:51

Alaia He used to but as I say in the OP it's gone a bit flat. He is a romantic person but life gets in the way doesn't it, I think he has a lot of ideas and then just doesn't follow through.

tired we have discussed that before. It's not for us.

bunnylove yeah that's a fair point.

OP posts:
dontbesillyhenry · 14/02/2017 20:03

I'd like to feel special for one day too. Guess after 17 years together it just isn't going to happen. Makes me feel a bit sad but he is good in other ways and I know many people with partners who 'spoil' them who are just shit in so many other ways

Alaia5 · 14/02/2017 20:10

Maybe give him his gifts and gauge his reaction. See if he feels guilty (because he should do). He might then offer an explanation as to why he asked you to be home today.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 14/02/2017 21:24

Any progress?!

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 14/02/2017 21:30

If he really did make it seem like he had organised something special, which is why you needed the day off work, yet hasnt done anything, id be reevaluating the relationship. Getting you excited for special plans that dont exist is cruel:

WhatsGoingOnEh · 14/02/2017 21:38
  1. Don't propose.
  2. Don't give him the presents. No man alive ever dreamt of being given a candle and a teddy bear. You're giving him what you want him to give you.
  3. Focus on you. Run a bubble bath, light that candle and put it by the bath, get your favourite book/magazine/music and soak.
  4. Order a takeaway, put your favourite film on.
  5. Consider if you want a lifetime of Valentine's days like this one.
Calvinlookingforhobbs · 14/02/2017 22:39

^
This. Is. Great. Advice.

Mildred007 · 14/02/2017 22:45

Yep. Agree with WharsGoingOnEh.
I bought my oh a card & token chocolate rose a couple of weeks ago - gave it to him today. He said can he open it tomorrow when he gets my card. Apparently it's my fault he didn't get me a card today because I asked him to pick a couple of bits up from the supermarket so he forgot about getting me a card Hmm

Original poster
Bahh · 15/02/2017 00:49

No proposal.

He does like candles. Teddy bear is a stupid thing I've always done, buy him a crap little bear dressed for whatever occasion and he'll smile and say it's cute and hand it to his daughter.

That is generally good advice though, WhatsGoingOn. I need to be a bit more selfish in general really.

OP posts:
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