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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws

107 replies

Louisearm · 13/02/2017 12:50

Parents in law decided to do Christmas dinner again, 7 weeks after I hosted it at my house. I went to a lot of effort for Christmas dinner so that my children could stay in their own house on the day. I went all out for the meal, scrap booked ideas since October and even marinated my sprouts, which they were aware of! Aside from the fact I hardly got to spend time with my children on Christmas Day as I was cooking, the meal was delicious and I was very proud of myself. I felt a little under appreciated at the time as nobody was particularly complimentary, but I didn't dwell on it as they can be quite cold anyway, and I knew if done a good job. A few weeks later at the in laws, my 8 year old daughter was helping FIL cook Sunday dinner in the kitchen when I heard him asking her, "who's potatoes are better, mines or mummy's? What about the gravy? You prefer mine don't you?!" So I let that go too, and made sure I was complimentary about his cooking (but not overly😋) But over the weekend there they decided to host Christmas dinner at their house.... In February. Aside from the decorations and presents, it was full on Christmas dinner. Prawn cocktail to start, then turkey, stuffing, sprouts etc and profiteroles for desert. I couldn't help but feel like it was their way of saying "this is how it should be done". Then afterwards, in a room full of people my MIL asked if I had new boots on and asked me "how much did u pay for them? I'd guess twenty quid?" And my response was, "well they were £30 but that was half price". She always makes remarks like this and I normally don't let it bother me but I just feel a bit annoyed today. I can't understand why I'm being put down? Am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 15:47

Sounds like they put down louis regularly.this was just the biggest rubbing your face in it ever!

Whileweareonthesubject · 13/02/2017 15:49

Yes, her comment about the boots was a little rude, but cooking Christmas dinner again is not, IMO a problem.
When my dad was alive it was his favourite meal, so when he and his wife used to visit, I often cooked 'Christmas ' dinner just because I knew he would love it. Couldn't care less whether his wife was offended or not. I also still cook it during the year as dh loves a turkey dinner, so I cook it at times like his birthday or Easter. If I'd cooked a Christmas dinner at my house and then that person invited me back to their home for dinner and served the same, I'd just enjoy the fact that they put in so much effort for me .

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 13/02/2017 15:49

Maybe they just really hated the marinated sprouts and whatever other fancy stuff you'd be pinteresting for months, and were hankering after a traditional meal since december?

Only on Mumsnet would a reply like this be possible! Grin

If this was the case they could have made this dinner for themselves without deliberately hurting the OP. She didn't have to be invited to it.

Imagine craving a Christmas dinner without the marinated trimming soo much that you stoop to being so pointedly nasty.

The dinner sounded amazing BTW OP ...I wish I'd had some.

Helen0fTroy · 13/02/2017 15:51

"but cooking Christmas dinner again is not, IMO a problem."

No, definitely. But asking a child "who's gravy is better, mine or mummy's?" is really nasty! It does sound quite pointed - but only the OP knows the nuances.

TinselTwins · 13/02/2017 15:55

Call their bluff OP:

"Oh I just LOVED the "second christmas" idea, I'm really looking forward to coming again next year - it's so nice to be wined and dined after all the faff of Christmas is over"

Make them do it every year Grin

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 15:56

"while* in this case it was not. It was a put down. And film asking her young daughter whose cooking is better, what a nasty thing to do! They sound quite horrid tbf. If the wanted a second Christmas dinner, she cod have said before hand, that they wod like to get the fantastic round again, in her house this time. But it was not done like that!

MorrisZapp · 13/02/2017 15:56

Is this a popular pastime for some women? 'beat the inlaws'? Who has the time or energy?

My mil cooks great roasts. I like eating them. My little boy prefers whoever cooked for him last, it would never mean more than a joke to me.

Only on planet MN is cooking your son and his family a roast dinner 'batshit' and 'spiteful'.

Eat the turkey, be grateful.

ImYourMama · 13/02/2017 15:56

My in-laws refuse to leave their house on Xmas day and seem to think we should all convene there. I don't go along with this as I like Christmas at home too, I have heard MIL say 'oh we can do an extra Christmas if you won't come to us on the day', DH has already confirmed this won't be happening. I've been there twice but they will not reciprocate, so bollocks to them. Your dinner/planning sounds fabulous

Crumbs1 · 13/02/2017 16:00

Massive overthinking. My daughter is forever trying to get people to say her cooking is better than mine - it's obviously not since I taught her all she knows but it pleases her.

MorrisZapp · 13/02/2017 16:03

My son adores his granny's mince and tatties. Why would I be anything other than pleased and grateful. Women are fucking mental about this stuff.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 16:03

Geese I think some of you are totally missing the point, this was done to put op down. And FIL asking op dd whose cooking is better is just awful. My MIL would never do this, she is lovely, her cooking is fantastic, and on special occasions like Christmas, really pushes the boat out. My cooking is not as good, but she is always lovely and complimentary about it.

It was not about Op MIL wanting to have the family round at hers, but her actions demonstrated to op, that your Christmas was not good, this is how you should do it. That would really hurt me, especially when I have tried my very best. This is not about MIL bashing, there are some wonderful ones about, including my own, just this MIL being really nasty, yes she was!

MorrisZapp · 13/02/2017 16:07

I don't get how it was nasty. What was nasty about it?

EweAreHere · 13/02/2017 16:07

Well, maybe your DH SHOULD stand up to her and let her get volatile. It might buy you some IL-free time for a while. And repeat as necessary until they stop being so nasty and openly competitive with you.

As for questions about what things cost, "Why do you ask?" with an inquiring look is great. Watch them splutter or embarrass themselves, and if they continue to brazen it out fishing, "Humph. Interesting." Deliberate change of topic. Makes them look stupid and nosy.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 16:08

I ve explained morris

MorrisZapp · 13/02/2017 16:09

Then again he might feel a bit daft asking his mum to stop making such nice roasts.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 16:13

I would not host them again. Are you MIL Mortis, who to say op cooking essentially nice!

PerspicaciaTick · 13/02/2017 16:13

I wouldn't be going.

If they want to relive all the fun of a turkey dinner, then they should wait until Easter like my MiL does Grin

LeaningTowerOfGaffney · 13/02/2017 16:13

The thing is though, there is a wider context to this lunch, and if the OP feels like it was a dig, then it probably is.

Posters are falling over each other to project meanings and motives onto this scenario, but the reality is you KNOW when someone is making a point.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 13/02/2017 16:14

I understand completely OP. It's all so unecessary. If it had been just a roast then the constant comparisons wouldn't have been made.

Of course you know they only felt the need to upstage you because your dinner was AMAZING. If it had been rubbish they wouldn't need to make things would they...

Bask in the glory OP...and you get to be the bigger person to because you were all complimentary.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 13/02/2017 16:16

Um...make a thing..that was...darn Samsung.

EweAreHere · 13/02/2017 16:16

Totally agree. You do KNOW when someone is making a point.

OP and her DH agreed this is what was happening. They don't have to go along with it, though.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2017 16:16

Op knows what the situation was, and how her Mil is towards her. If it's a throw it in your face then it is. It sounds as though she does have a habit of putting op down. Is there a bigger picture op.

HumphreyCobblers · 13/02/2017 16:18

Yes they said Christmas dinner, the occasion was that their other son was home for the weekend, but he was also present at Christmas dinner at my house. It was reinforced during the meal when he said "it's like Christmas all over again" and she replied "well that's the intention"

Have some posters missed this update from the OP? It was a deliberate recreation of Christmas dinner. The other son was at both.

BertrandRussell · 13/02/2017 16:19

"I ve explained morris"

Well, you have offered an explanation. Which involves turning the OP's "I felt a little under appreciated at the time as nobody was particularly complimentary, but I didn't dwell on it as they can be quite cold anyway, and I knew if done a good job" into "inlaws turned round and said it was crap" Grin

That would

LeaningTowerOfGaffney · 13/02/2017 16:20

Agreed that they shouldn't make a big thing of it.

In fact, I would probably go out of my way to be really nice about it - send a thank you card, even, saying how delicious it was and what a novelty it was to have Christmas dinner in February and we should make it an annual tradition.

Kill them with kindness!