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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want DH to financially grow up?

11 replies

Rufus200 · 11/02/2017 22:39

I own the house. I pay for everything for DS except the food which DH splits with me. We split utility bills.
My mum gifted DH money to clear his debts when we got married. I have over the years loaned DH money to pay off his credit cards with no interest. It pays me back a little each month. He has nearly cleared the debt to me. We have a joint supermarket credit card that we pay for all food then split the bill. I want to change the credit card to the same one I have as the freebies are crap with the supermarket one but I can't get another of the same card, so asked DH to get one, then I would manage the bills. DH admits he can't get another credit card as he has already maxed his other ones out again Angry

I just feel like he never learns. I went apeshit at him today. I spend all my money on DS, never have anything for myself and he wastes all his money on his expensive hobbies. He won't talk to me about money or let me look at his finances. He doesn't have a penny of savings or a pension and is nearly 40. If I lose my job, which is very possible, we will be completely screwed! He has been talking about wanting to quit his job recently and be self employed, what a fucking joke!

Why can't he just be a grown up?!

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 11/02/2017 22:48

WTF are you staying with this idiot?

When you have children financial security is of such importance, tbh I think it is without children in the relationship.

BlueFolly · 11/02/2017 22:53

If you are married then you do not own the house, it belongs to both of you no matter who is on the deeds or the mortgage.

Crumbs1 · 11/02/2017 22:58

What sort of marriage 'loans' money or 'owns' houses? When we wed we became united in all things and our monies became as one. He does more financial stuff than me merely because he is better at it. The money is however absolutely equally ours.

WatchingFromTheWings · 11/02/2017 23:07

As pp has said, the house isn't 'yours' it belongs to both of you due to being married. The same goes for his debts should you split up. Not sure what else to advise really but you do need to put your foot down and insist he reveals the full extent of his debts. I got stung for 50% of my ExH debts when we separated....didn't even know about most of them until it was too late.

SouthWestmom · 11/02/2017 23:35

Not true re: debts. Op won't be liable if they split unless they are in her name too.

MaisyPops · 12/02/2017 06:38

I can see entirely why the OP speaks of loaning her DH money to pay off his credit cards... otherwise its just a case if she covers most stuff, he spends on credit, she pays it off, he can do it again.

Even with her asking him to pay her back isnt having any effect on him.

OP id be booking his ass into a money management or debt management course like CAP or something. Get him some external support to change abd if he doesnt, contact a lawyer and get yourself out of there.

HuckfromScandal · 12/02/2017 06:58

I had one of these for a time.
Fortunately for me he had an affair and left

He is paying you back, but not contributing to stuff he should be, and racking up new bills....

What is are you getting out of this!

Chinnygirl · 12/02/2017 07:02

Tell him to grow up or live by himself for a while. And mean it. He needs to take care of the family as well.

Does he do other stuff in the house or is he just an expensive gigolo?

Anotherdayanotherscreenname · 12/02/2017 07:14

Can I be the first to say you don't have a money problem you have a relationship problem.

You took him on when you married him. Why did you think he would change if he wouldn't even share his accounts (if he has any) with you?

Reminds me of a joke:

Q How many people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A It doesn't matter. The lightbulb has to want to change first.

WatchingFromTheWings · 12/02/2017 23:25

Not true re: debts. Op won't be liable if they split unless they are in her name too.

Oh yes she will!! I learnt this the hard way. My ExH had run up close to £50,000 on credit cards, loans and an unauthorised overdraft. NONE of it had my name on it. I had no access to these cards or loans. My solicitor advised me that as it's a marital debt half of it is mine. I lost my share of the equity from the marital home to cover my share of the debts.

The only exception to this would be if the op could prove he spent every penny on himself.

mygorgeousmilo · 13/02/2017 00:16

Just imagining my hard as nails mum 'gifting' my husband money when we got married.... what the actual fuck. Why did you marry this cocklodger?!

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