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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling excluded by husband and sons.

70 replies

LovelyBath77 · 11/02/2017 19:24

Every weekend they do this. After dinner leaving me to clear up they go and choose some kind of boys film and watch it in the lounge. I could go and watch but find it boring and I'm never asked what I'd like to watch. I end up washing up, having a bath and / or reading. It's just a bit lonely. My sons are 8 and 11.

OP posts:
StarSpotter · 11/02/2017 19:28

When dinner's over, can you not just say "right, I'm off to watch X. Who's joining me? DH, are you coming in when you've finished clearing up?"

FinallyHere · 11/02/2017 19:28

Think of them (all) as puppies and train them to do what you want them to do.

Getting on with the washing up while they watch something you don't enjoy, is them training you. Turn it around. Ignore them complaints, they are only trying to train you to let them off. Don't let them. Just kike training a puppy, its not easy, it takes energy but it is so worth it. No one likes an untrained puppy.

Finola1step · 11/02/2017 19:30

Sorry, but no way. No flipping way.

As dinner is finishing, you quickly say "Right, we are all.pitching in to clear up. DS2 you scrape the plates, DS1 help Dad while he is washing up. I'll crack on with wiping and sorting the table". Many hands make light work etc etc.

My dc aged 6 and 8 do this, mostly without complaint.

Witchend · 11/02/2017 19:32

I'm not sure. Do you do other things with them? If generally you do things with them, then it's nice when there's something they can do together.

Dh and dc2&3 started watching one of the nature series and it became a Sunday afternoon tradition while it was on.
They do far more with me as a general thing, so it was rather nice to see them all together. And while they did that I would wash up from lunch and make dinner.

Celaena · 11/02/2017 19:32

We have a film night on Saturday, you should do that instead

Agree a film to watch, and then have a chippy/dippy meal

Flanderspigeonmurderer · 11/02/2017 19:34

Can you all take it in turns to choose a film? And only watch after you've all pitched in to tidy up after dinner.

NapQueen · 11/02/2017 19:35

I'd be saying one adult cooks the other does the dishes. Once kid lays the table the other clears the stuff to the dish washing person.

TV is mums Saturday night and dads Sunday night. Kids can join in or go do something else. Friday is board games or a trip out somewhere (or rearrange the nights eg)

Chloe84 · 11/02/2017 19:35

So you cook and clear up as well?

Take it in turns. If you cook, he clears up, so you can hang out with DC.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 11/02/2017 19:40

Well he cooks, sometimes.

OP posts:
Hercules12 · 11/02/2017 19:43

Time to change this. Your sons are learning some poor ideas of womens work.

user892 · 11/02/2017 19:47

Fucks sake. These people will only learn when we stop treating them like superior beings in the first place.

Fairenuff · 11/02/2017 19:48

Why?

Why do you do this OP?

BarbarianMum · 11/02/2017 19:48

Who clears up when he cooks?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 11/02/2017 19:50

What is a "boy's film"?

If you cook, tell DH he needs to clear up. If he doesn't then the dishes stay where they are and you won't be cooking another meal until he washes up.

Your sons are old enough to have household chores too. One of them can help you cook and the other can help your DH wash and dry.

Tell them all that it's time to start acting like a family.

Take it in turns to choose a film.

GinIsIn · 11/02/2017 19:52

Why can't the kids clean up? Have you actually mentioned it, or do you just let them?

DaphneDeLaFontaine · 11/02/2017 19:52

What's a boy film?

Bluetrews25 · 11/02/2017 19:54

The boys are old enough to wash, dry and put away! (Perhaps DP to supervise?)
Chef should not be doing any of it.

user1484750550 · 11/02/2017 19:55

I feel sad for you OP, but you seriously need to draw up some ground rules. You're a FAMILY. Your sons are young enough to learn, and they need to learn that mommy and her opinions matter. As a pp said, tell them that you will all take it in turns to wash up, (or all do it together,) and then you will take it in turns to pick a film each time. Their behaviour is dreadful. Put a stop to it now!

HermioneJeanGranger · 11/02/2017 19:56

Why have you let them get away with it?

GiddyGiddyGoat · 11/02/2017 19:58

Sod that for a game of soldiers OP. Why do you put up with this / allow this to happen?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 11/02/2017 19:58

I'd also like to know what a 'boys film' is Hmm
While ever you let them take the piss they will take the piss, only you can stop this.

wannabestressfree · 11/02/2017 20:00

Or join in? There are loads of things my boys like that are not on my top 10 of all time favs but I like being with them so join in..... does your husband work all week? Perhaps he likes his family nights and they wonder where you are or thinks he is giving you a break.
Why not suggest a film?

BakeOffBiscuits · 11/02/2017 20:06

Why do you allow them to do this? Just tell them they are being selfish and treating you like a Skivvy.

DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS.

RedAndYellowStripe · 11/02/2017 20:10

Yep time to stand up to them him.
State clearly that they have been watching what they wanted for whatever long and that you want to be able to watch something you like with them too.
Insist or choose the film for next week.

Oh and insist that your DH is doing some of cleaning after dinner too. Why does he think its ok to let yu do all the work??

If he is a nice guy, he will be mortified and will take much more notice. But you need to say it loud and clear. Not in a PA way or as a hint.

RedAndYellowStripe · 11/02/2017 20:11

Btw I agree about joining in. As long as it doesn't mean 'we are going to watch what I like and only that.
That also mean that some of the time, or rather half of the time, her preference should be first.
Or even better they will choose together something they all like.