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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling excluded by husband and sons.

70 replies

LovelyBath77 · 11/02/2017 19:24

Every weekend they do this. After dinner leaving me to clear up they go and choose some kind of boys film and watch it in the lounge. I could go and watch but find it boring and I'm never asked what I'd like to watch. I end up washing up, having a bath and / or reading. It's just a bit lonely. My sons are 8 and 11.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 11/02/2017 20:15

er no. Iv three boys (8,5,3) and dh. All boys clear the table then either me or dh washes, one kids dries and one puts away and the third tidies sittingroom and hall. Then we all watch family movie.

sibys1 · 11/02/2017 20:18

Assuming that DH doesn't usually do both the cooking and washing up, it's unfair to leave you to do both.

But it seems to me that you're excluding yourself from watching movies with them. If you sat and watched movies with them, then of course you should have some input into the choice of movie but, if you're not willing to join them unless you choose the movie yourself, then it's unreasonable to expect them to sit and watch whatever you want to watch.

PatriciaHolm · 11/02/2017 20:23

Then stopping letting them do it to you.

EweAreHere · 11/02/2017 20:24

Um, no.

You need to nip this now. Their future partners will thank you.

They should be doing their share around the house they live in and not treating you like the hired help. So should your DH. He is modelling this crappy treatment of you. Stop it now.

ReapAndSow · 11/02/2017 20:26

Id insist on everyone helping clear up but I wouldn't mind that they were watching movies together.

Ragwort · 11/02/2017 20:27

I have always found it incredibly hard to find a film or tv show that we all enjoy watching ............ as I write this DH and DS are watching the rugby on tv - sometimes it is just impossible to 'compromise' on tv watching. I sympathise with you OP but you really need to get them to help with the clearing up/cooking.

Personally I love time to myself and am more than happy with a good book, glass of wine and a bath and an early night and not having to watch tedious tv - but that's just me. Grin

YouTheCat · 11/02/2017 20:29

What's a 'boy's film'? Confused

I'm currently watching the latest Captain America. Does that mean I'm a boy? I'd say suck it up and watch with them.

TowerRavenSeven · 11/02/2017 20:33

I'm in the same boat but our ds (only child) is 15. We have a second telly upstairs and sometimes I'll watch a movie by myself or Corrie, but I'm not about to be sequestered all the time.

Last night I was busy so I asked dh and ds to reheat leftovers then I said, "you know what guys? I want to watch what I want for once!" We all ended watching Gone With the Wind - a 4 hour movie!! We all cleaned up dinner during the "intermission".

Sometimes you just have to lay down the law!

Parker231 · 11/02/2017 20:34

Well if you've let them do this it's your problem. Either carry on cleaning up after them or make some changes.

AuldHeathen · 11/02/2017 20:37

In this house such films were dubbed 'prick flicks' years ago. GrinGenerally they'd now ask me if I'm interested. They being 4 sons and one husband! Sometimes I am interested as obvs not all prick flicks are bad films. You do have to negotiate, OP. Your sons are young and it might not occur to your husband why you are absenting yourself. Sometimes I am very happy reading or doing something else, sometimes I'll suggest something else. It's al quite amicable. But it is not okay for you to be left every time with the dishes. You have to start from the premise that you are an equal in all this. They are not more important than you. And boys can and should wash dishes!!

BackforGood · 11/02/2017 20:41

Nothing worng with you and dh liking different things to watch (and your dcs can watch with either or both of you) but perhaps you need to ask yourself why, if 4 people eat, it is always the same person clearing up after the meal ? Unless it is just you on the rota for clearing up on Saturday nights? (which seems unlikely if there are 4 of you, that isn't divisible by 7 days in a week).

Ragwort · 11/02/2017 20:42

Prick Flicks Grin Grin - love that expression !!!

clippityclock · 11/02/2017 20:45

Why are you washing up? Why? I'd be throwing the bloody plates at them and telling them to wash up as I've cooked.

Then I'd be choosing a film I want to watch and settling down with chocolate and wine.

I'm a tad pre menstrual at the moment though!

museumum · 11/02/2017 20:46

So if that's Saturday does your dh do all the clearing up on Sundays?
I can imagine a time when dh and ds will be all about superhero films (which I hate) I'll be happy for that to be one night a weekend, so long as I get one night off too and we share the other.

AuldHeathen · 11/02/2017 20:48

I know! I have to credit Susan Sarandon with the expression 'prick flicks'. But it works very well as short hand.Smile

CatchTheRainbow · 11/02/2017 20:58

Not trying to come across harsh but you allow them to do it and seemingly just moan to yourself.

If you want things to change then bloody speak up.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 11/02/2017 21:07

When we sit down to watch a film, it's as a family so usually a kids film that DH and I will watch. No way should you be clearing up while they all piss off and relax. Tell them all that they need to show some consideration for you too and you aren't the skivvy to them.

Taylor22 · 11/02/2017 21:09

Educate your damn sons!

It's women like you who do half a job with their sons that make women like me pull their hair out trying to teach a 30 year old how to be a functioning adult.

GiddyGiddyGoat · 11/02/2017 21:25

Were you just winding us non doormat types up with your tales of domestic martyrdom OP? Are you now watching The Terminator and swigging a beer?

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 11/02/2017 21:28

So tell them you feel excluded and like a slave being left in the kitchen while they put their feet up. Insist on some rules. Everyone takes turns choosing a film. You all sit down together after cleaning away the crap.

MrsJayy · 11/02/2017 21:29

Right you need to get up after dinner and say im going to watch... who is joining me just do that

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 11/02/2017 21:33

Yes just leave the dishes and sit when they di

MrsJayy · 11/02/2017 21:34

I love superhero boyfilms as do the dds dh the actual boy isn't that fussed

Barbie222 · 11/02/2017 22:13

I have a bit of this as I don't really like watching films but my DH and both my boys do. The upside is that they let me take a lead on other stuff e.g. days out, walks. I sometimes sit with them and just read my kindle or go on here or something. Other times I do other things. Definitely agree that the work and leisure time should be shared equally, but you aren't always going to be interested in the same things as the others in your family. In a few years the dynamic might change anyway.

GatoradeMeBitch · 11/02/2017 22:17

Does your DH cook on the weekend, is that why you wash up? If that's the case, do it the other way some weekends - you cook, he washes up. Actually your kids are old enough to do the washing and drying too!

Make sure the division of labour in your home is fair. That's your main problem. Make sure you don't raise two men who will spend their lives wondering why a string of girlfriends/wives suddenly snap and scream that they can't look after a giant baby anymore.

And then give the 'boy' films a try. You don't have to have a penis to enjoy Marvel or Star Wars!