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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DH putting DD to bed?

37 replies

PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 19:08

DD is 28 months old. She is wonderful for DH when I'm not around, but if I'm in the house she clings to me.
So bedtime comes and DH is putting her to bed. For the first 3 minutes every time she screams for me, then she calms and occasionally shouts again, but generally goes to sleep fairly quickly with him.
My sister thought this was savage and I was being a monster when I could 'Do it yourself'.
I feel bad when she shouts, but surely we can't just let her dictate what we do?
Just to add I cook dinner or similar in this time, not like I was just lazing about. My sister has really made me question myself!

OP posts:
Nomoreworkathome · 11/02/2017 19:09

Nod.... smile.... repeat. YANBU.

Msqueen33 · 11/02/2017 19:10

Your sister needs to shut up. Why should you be the one always on call for bedtime. My dd is six and at the moment always wants me but I do make her dad do it sometimes.

GlamourBear · 11/02/2017 19:11

YANBU! Smile

hearyoume · 11/02/2017 19:13

Your sister is an idiot, sorry. You and your DH should be interchangeable by this point. It is not your job to oversee everything. Your DD needs to learn that daddy can do things just as well as (but maybe differently from) mummy.

DearMrDilkington · 11/02/2017 19:14

She thought it was savage?! What a strange woman.

Carry on as you are, ignore your sister.

wineandtoastfortea · 11/02/2017 19:14

So what if you were lazing around while he did it? As long as you both pull your weight it's more than right for both parents to cover bedtimes from an early age.

Dragongirl10 · 11/02/2017 19:19

YANBU.....that behavior from your DD needs to stop, the screaming l mean, and the best way is for you to leave it to your DH to do her bedtime frequently, she is old enough to behave nicely for either of you....your sister is wrong to criticise, and very wrong to call you a monster.

Please don't lose confidence

AliceInHinterland · 11/02/2017 19:21

Has she got children?

Bluebellevergreen · 11/02/2017 19:26

Your sister is a 🤡

Crunchymum · 11/02/2017 19:27

28 months Hmm

AuditAngel · 11/02/2017 19:59

I assume your sister does not have children??

Original poster
PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 19:59

Thanks Mumsnetters.
I know 28 months isn't young. My sister is very gentle in her parenting approach and made me question myself.
It used to be an absolute nightmare and it is getting much better.
I have had friends calling me crazy that we don't just leave her to it. I guess we shall find our own balance Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 20:01

My sister has 2 children and another on the way. Apparently DBIL didn't do bedtime till they were over 3, when she stopped breastfeeding.
Before anyone says it, I am not a troll and my sister is a wonderful person, just maybe a lot more tolerant than me on the mothering front!

OP posts:
CurlsandCurves · 11/02/2017 20:11

YANBU.

It will make things so much easier if either one of you can put Dd to bed. So restrictive if it's all on you every night. Keep persevering, it'll be worth it.

museumum · 11/02/2017 20:13

We do strict turns for bedtime otherwise ds would ask for me every night and then if only I could do it I'd stress if I was away one evening.
This has been the case since I went back to work despite the fact I bf.
Neither dh nor I wanted a life where he couldn't do his own son's bedtime.

AliceInHinterland · 11/02/2017 20:21

Oh so she does have kids - and only get way of raising them is correct.
It's one thing to say 'if it bothers you then you could do bedtime until she's a bit older, if DH doesn't mind' but to suggest you should do it is a very extreme position.

Original poster
PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 20:37

The stupid thing is I briefly worked nights and DD was fine with DH. It is only if I'm here, so really I know she is ok. PFB a little bit too...

OP posts:
early30smum · 11/02/2017 20:39

YANBU at all and frankly even if you were doing nothing it still doesn't matter- your DD should be able to be put to bed by both parents and actually you'd be causing more problems in the long run always putting her to bed yourself.

haveacupoftea · 11/02/2017 20:42

Oh well you're a woman so of course you should do everything yourself. Go to work all day, make the dinner, wash dishes, do homework, bath kids and put them to bed too. Ask her does she want to shove a brush up your ass so you can sweep the floor while you're at it. misses point

Juveniledelinquent · 11/02/2017 20:46

I can't see a problem here, apart from your interfering sister.

Original poster
PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 21:30

haveacupoftea you hit the nail on the head I think. As I don't martyr myself I am lazy.
I find it at Mums groups too. The look of sympathy when I say I work. I hope attitudes change before DD has children!

OP posts:
NapQueen · 11/02/2017 21:30

Fgs sake op. She's 2. How long do you intend to define her age in months?

Original poster
PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 21:39

NapQueen it was just to give a clear idea of her age. Is it that odd to say it in months?

OP posts:
NapQueen · 11/02/2017 21:39

Yep. Passed about 18m

Original poster
PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 21:43

Well now I know.

OP posts:
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