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AIBU?

To leave DH putting DD to bed?

37 replies

PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 19:08

DD is 28 months old. She is wonderful for DH when I'm not around, but if I'm in the house she clings to me.
So bedtime comes and DH is putting her to bed. For the first 3 minutes every time she screams for me, then she calms and occasionally shouts again, but generally goes to sleep fairly quickly with him.
My sister thought this was savage and I was being a monster when I could 'Do it yourself'.
I feel bad when she shouts, but surely we can't just let her dictate what we do?
Just to add I cook dinner or similar in this time, not like I was just lazing about. My sister has really made me question myself!

OP posts:

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Allthewaves · 12/02/2017 08:50

All mine always want me to put them to bed. I bribed them that dad's will read 2/3 stories

whatsagoodusername · 12/02/2017 08:48

DH does bedtime here - always has done.

I hate doing bedtime. Mostly I sit on the couch being lazy too during it.

GeorgeTheHamster · 12/02/2017 08:47

YANBU. Overly "gentle parenting" just leads to the kids being little sods, IME.

Deathraystare · 12/02/2017 08:44

Savage? How?? Your Dh needs time with your child too. What if you had to go away for a few nights anyway? The child would have to cope with you being away then. Maybe you could try alternate nights? (Whoops just read where yousay that!) . Ignore your sister's strange words. Somepeople like to create a rod for their own back!!

Popskipiekin · 12/02/2017 08:32

Well the HVs do a 26/27 month check don't they? You can say 2.4 next time OP, think that is the accepted mumsnet speak :)
YANBU on the bedtime sharing front either - and surely, whatever the issue, unless causing genuine harm to her DN your DSis should just butt out? If you're generous you can blame extra sensitive pregnancy hormones I guess! DS1 (also 28 months! ) has to put up with Daddy a lot more now we have DS2 and we've found as long as he gets to say a very involved goodnight to me, and DH reiterates that mummy has gone to sleep, that he's ok. Took a few nights but no complaints now. We try to alternate when we can and no issues either way now.

Mrsantithetic · 12/02/2017 08:31

Being...... not been.

Mrsantithetic · 12/02/2017 08:31

She's been ridiculous. My girl is 4 and my boy 2. I did every single bedtime until recently (dd was bf til 3. DS still is) I've done every single bloody night wake which are still ongoing.

I always did bedtime and nightfeeds because it was easier. They settled quickly for me and with me feeding them both it was pointless (or so I thought) asking dp to go.

Big. Big mistake.

Dd will settle with dad if absolutely necessary but will.hold out as long as she physically can to see if I settle Ds and then come lay with her whilst she goes to sleep.

DS won't entertain dad at all and goes quite mad which keeps dd up.

I'm trying to wean DS off feeding to sleep now so hopefully before long dp will have half a chance without them waking up the full Street.

He usually works away Monday to Friday so often there isn't much choice but I would really recommend you carry on as you are and get them used to it.

Mine are absolutely as happy with dp as they are with me until it comes to sleep time.

Trifleorbust · 12/02/2017 08:24

She is being ridiculous.

user1483972886 · 12/02/2017 08:22

Your sister sounds a pain. Hopeless that her husband in not allowed / incapable of putting his own kid to bed til they are 3.
Sounds like your sister is making a job for herself...
DH has weird friends whose wife has made having 1 child a full time job for the last 4 years. Child has just started school which has been traumatic for the mother to say the least. They came to stay a month before child was starting school aged 4. The child was still using a potty rather than a toilet. At once stage potty in the middle of our lounge some 2m from the toilet... we have not seen them since.
Stick to your guns and ignore sister.

AliceInHinterland · 12/02/2017 08:16

I still said months up until about two and a half. Huge developmental difference between a two year old and a three year old. I mean probably not to a person in the street, but if discussing something developmental (language, behaviour, bedtimes) then I don't see the need to be sneering about it!

PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 22:07

I'll stop at her 18th. Only 188 months to go!

OP posts:

HelenaWay · 11/02/2017 22:02

28 months

PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 21:43

Well now I know.

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NapQueen · 11/02/2017 21:39

Yep. Passed about 18m

PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 21:39

NapQueen it was just to give a clear idea of her age. Is it that odd to say it in months?

OP posts:

NapQueen · 11/02/2017 21:30

Fgs sake op. She's 2. How long do you intend to define her age in months?

PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 21:30

haveacupoftea you hit the nail on the head I think. As I don't martyr myself I am lazy.
I find it at Mums groups too. The look of sympathy when I say I work. I hope attitudes change before DD has children!

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Juveniledelinquent · 11/02/2017 20:46

I can't see a problem here, apart from your interfering sister.

haveacupoftea · 11/02/2017 20:42

Oh well you're a woman so of course you should do everything yourself. Go to work all day, make the dinner, wash dishes, do homework, bath kids and put them to bed too. Ask her does she want to shove a brush up your ass so you can sweep the floor while you're at it. misses point

early30smum · 11/02/2017 20:39

YANBU at all and frankly even if you were doing nothing it still doesn't matter- your DD should be able to be put to bed by both parents and actually you'd be causing more problems in the long run always putting her to bed yourself.

PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 20:37

The stupid thing is I briefly worked nights and DD was fine with DH. It is only if I'm here, so really I know she is ok. PFB a little bit too...

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AliceInHinterland · 11/02/2017 20:21

Oh so she does have kids - and only get way of raising them is correct.
It's one thing to say 'if it bothers you then you could do bedtime until she's a bit older, if DH doesn't mind' but to suggest you should do it is a very extreme position.

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museumum · 11/02/2017 20:13

We do strict turns for bedtime otherwise ds would ask for me every night and then if only I could do it I'd stress if I was away one evening.
This has been the case since I went back to work despite the fact I bf.
Neither dh nor I wanted a life where he couldn't do his own son's bedtime.

CurlsandCurves · 11/02/2017 20:11

YANBU.

It will make things so much easier if either one of you can put Dd to bed. So restrictive if it's all on you every night. Keep persevering, it'll be worth it.

PlumFairy2014 · 11/02/2017 20:01

My sister has 2 children and another on the way. Apparently DBIL didn't do bedtime till they were over 3, when she stopped breastfeeding.
Before anyone says it, I am not a troll and my sister is a wonderful person, just maybe a lot more tolerant than me on the mothering front!

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