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Original poster

Year 11s and revision wars

110 replies

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 16:19

Aaargh!! I am so fed up of the pitched battles daily to get DS1 to revise for his GCSEs. He has his second set of mocks after half term and just has no natural desire to revise. Sometimes he lollops about upstairs pretending to work; sometimes he outright refuses. If I offer to help, either I end up being his personalised teacher/slave, or he tells me he doesn't want my help. He is now shut in his room and we are all (DH. me and DS1) in a huff. I am an English teacher, DH a maths teacher ; I am sure most kids would love that level of expertise available on tap... or maybe not. Any advice/sympathy gladly received...I know this is hardly a unique situation across the land!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 17:18

HahaCider !

He is very different from me. I worked very hard of my own accord at school. So it's hard to know what to do really.

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Wolfiefan · 11/02/2017 17:20

Academic life is his best shot at anything at life?
Not if he's not interested.
Maybe better to focus on developing wider skills than rely on an unmotivated teen getting into uni!
What does he like? What does he do with his life? What can you use as leverage or reward?
He's nearly an adult and as hard as it is you can't dictate what he goes on to do.

yeOldeTrout · 11/02/2017 17:34

"He has absolutely no intrinsic motivation."

What are you going to do when he's in yr12 or 13? Just hope he turns into a different person by then?

Sunnie1984 · 11/02/2017 17:35

I would back off completely.

It will make no difference and he has to want to do it himself.

I coasted through GCSE and A levels and scraped into uni. Scraped a 2.2.

I wish I had taken a couple of years out to figure out what I wanted to do, rather than get nagged by parents and did the minimum I could get away with.

eddiemairswife · 11/02/2017 17:38

He is old enough to do his own revision without being nagged by his parents however well qualified they are.

Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 17:40

Yes Trout that's the plan...

I am presuming those who are judging me don't have year 11 children. maybe you do!
I didn't say he wasn't interested in academic stuff per se he just doesn't want to revise at all. He was once a very good cricketer but gave up and would never have been good enough to pursue it as a career. That s one example of when we did back off and let him make his own choice as the pressure made him very unhappy and ill.

He is in that teenage not interested in anything stage. I do know that's not atypical.

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Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 17:43

he certainly is old enough eddie. have you met a 15 year old boy recently??

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Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 17:47

sunnie ... I have to say you describe my very fears, Please tell me you turned out amazing in the end???

My DH was browbeaten through school. Got amazing O level results etc. Went to uni free of his father and got a third...

O need to not be a nag but I also need my son to see the light...it frustrates me that he has no spark of interest.

Children should probably do all their exams by the age of 12 before teenage years strike...16 couldn't be a worse time to do the most important exams of one's life.

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BertrandRussell · 11/02/2017 17:47

I chivvy my year 11 to revise too. I do get a bit pissed off with all these people who seem to think you stop parenting when they hit 16..............

dataandspot · 11/02/2017 17:48

I like beans

I had the same problem. I got on with things as a teenager and my child would do nothing if left to their own devices! So difficult!

BertrandRussell · 11/02/2017 17:51

Mine needs chivvying because he is not yet very good at working out how long things take. So he needs to be reminded that if he gets home from school at 4, and has a rehearsal at 7, he only has 3 hours to shower, eat, dog walk , do homework and bit of revision. So maybe it's not a good plan to sit down to watch a whole film......

Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 17:52

I want him to work for the mocks seesense because he needs some self belief and evidence that he can do well. I can't just wait til summer and hit and hope....

A girl in my sixth form expressed this attitude ' I didn't do any work for my GCSEs and I did OK ' (no she didn't really..) so I am going to do no work for my A levels' . Can't be bothered with all the work to see if I could do better'. I swear I work harder for her A level than she does...

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Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 17:54

Yes Bertrand, I have read all sorts of interesting stuff about the male brain. Educationalists sincerely believe they should do GCSEs at 25, as that's when the part of their brain needed to organise and order and self motivate is developed.
Sadly, not going to happen though!!

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Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 17:55

Thanks data ! Nice to know you get where I'm coming from.

I hear myself nagging in my head and trotting out the clichés....

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Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 18:01

Also, controversial, I know, but I don't believe in payment for exam success.

It totally goes against the whole teach them intrinsic motivation thing.

It's quite a new thing isn't it? My sons' football teams both have kids who are paid per goal. DS2 is a striker and he still wants to score just as much as them. It also leads to greedy little so and sos who won't pass the ball.

However, we have caved in and paid him for effort grades in the past. I shall consult DH as to whether eh thinks we should pay him for his GCSE results, and swallow my principles.

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harderandharder2breathe · 11/02/2017 18:03

Can you agree with him that you will get off his back about revision for the mocks. But if he then doesn't get the grades that his teachers say he should be getting, you will be stricter afterwards, keep a closer eye on what exactly he's doing "revising", and he will lose privileges for not revising to an appropriate standard of commitment

But then I was naturally academically able but bone idle. It took failing January modules in second year of a levels for me to knuckle down and study properly.

Whoremoan · 11/02/2017 18:03

Chiming in here as I'm not sure what to expect of DS this half-term week with revision. He's doing his first work experience all week and will be out of the house every day from 7.30am until 6.45pm. I think he'll be far too tired to revise in the evenings and he's far too tired this weekend to do any either.

He spent the entire Christmas holidays revising for mocks - some of which went very well but some the three sciences were a disaster - 2 Ds and a C. All his peers will be revising this half-term but he managed to secure a week of work experience and didn't want to miss this chance.

As a parent, I just don't know whether to push him to do at least some revision (he's usually very conscientious anyway) or tell him to take a break in the evenings. I keep being pulled between wanting to say to him, 'there's more to life than exams and revision' - and 'this if the last chance - give it a big push and then you can relax in the summer'.

yeOldeTrout · 11/02/2017 18:04

It reads like you are projecting a lot on him.
Pressure that if he doesn't do well at academics he is a complete failure, isn't good for anything else.
Pressure that he only has one shot to ever do well academically (not true).

DS was a school refuser who did almost no homework after yr6. I dare say I know more about underachiever DC than OP.

I dunno why I ever reply to these threads. The only things the OP ever wants to hear is how to make their kids be someone else.

Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 18:08

Ah now , the grades his teachers says he should be getting!! Those are quite low... he is generally pretty much getting those. His history teacher once referred to him as the 'over achieving Johnny Ketchup' as if he shouldn't be... another story though. I am not deluded . I don't think he is a straight A* student.

Whore (if I can call you that) - that is definitely a tricky one.... But the work experience is an excellent opportunity and he will be able to tell if he is too tired if he is hard working, as you say.
I know lots of kids at the other end of the scale who work too hard also exist!

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Roomster101 · 11/02/2017 18:10

Why do they have two sets of mocks? That seems quite excessive. DD is also year 11 and they had mocks in November but there are no more exams before the final GCSEs. She has mentioned that some people have started revising for GCSEs already but she doesn't want to do that as she will get bored and demotivated and would rather concentrate all her effort nearer the time. She is just going to do past papers for maths at the moment. I think this is a good approach.

Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 18:11

Trout that really is not fair. I replied in jest to your comment. As a teacher, I see and understand all kinds of children. I was just bemoaning a daily battle to get my son to want to work. I know that is a first world problem. But I also know academic success is his best shot at life as he is not practical or musical etc. And that with his ability in MFL he could be an attractive prospect to future employers.

Please don't patronise or assume. DS1 also school refused in year 7 in his case and has previously had an eating disorder so that he wasted away before my eyes. This si why I am afraid to push him too much. Related to previous comment about cricket.

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Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 18:15

Roomster , I agree and it's not their last set. The school failed Ofsted and is panicking. In common with most schools around here (my own included ) they while away years 9 and 10 and then suddenly panic and 'intervene' !! rather than maybe inspiring and motivating and teaching a love for learning. Sigh. A lot of that is encouraged by parents, too.

I am not a mad pushy mother. I do encourage. But I love learning...bit of an auto didact; learning for learning's sake type. I think DS1 may be in time, I honestly do. He is a secret statistics and languages nerd. Lots of it is peer pressure.

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Original poster
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/02/2017 18:16

Oh and Trout I never said he wasn't good FOR anything else. I said he isn't good AT anything else.

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butterfly990 · 11/02/2017 18:28

Cider my daughter was suffering from nearly constant headaches for over a year. After consulting a paediatrician, MRI scan I finally got a osteopath involved. Within 6 weeks (half hour weekly appointments) her headaches are more like one or two a week.

dataandspot · 11/02/2017 18:40

Ye olde

My child was / is a school refuser too.

For me it's not about making my child into someone they are not but supporting them to do their best. If they struggle with school having to do work at home is an enormous struggle as it ' pollutes' their home life too!