AIBU to think I could work from home with a brand new baby?

[SanitysSake]

Just mulling over a few ideas to keep the funds coming in whilst at home.

Is it possible, or am I living in cloud cuckoo land?

Would be grateful to hear from any stay-at-home mums who also manage to work from home.

Any hints, tips, experiences, advice would be most appreciated.

SchoolNightWine - thanks for that. It encouraged/heartened me.

I can be very determined on the work front and I think I would have to be! Fundamentally, the money I'd earn from this contract work - because it's contract - would be far more than if I were full time. That's what makes it so attractive.

It would also allow me to pay for a cleaner and perhaps some childcare.. But again, I guess its back to how 'good' the bubba is when it arrives.

I'm a Registered Childminder and went back to work when my DD was 12 days old. I had my son, who was five, another five year old and a 15 month old to look after. Admittedly, DD was a good baby. She slept well, and was very content and as she got older she loved the company of the other children. I think that getting into a routine, early on, is the key.

I managed to mark 180 exam papers from home when DD was about 5 months. She was an easy baby and I enjoyed using my brain a bit.

I think how 'good' the baby is does depend on the parents as well as its own personality. Many are anxious with their pfb and they do pick up on it. But sometimes, when a parent just has to get on, the baby does too. A friend of mine has 6 year old twins, a 4 year old who is disabled and a baby. The baby gets fed, put down to sleep, and has her nappy changed. She's very loved but there is no time in my friends life for anything else. Said baby smiles all the time, I've never heard her cry.

I know someone who was working from home, for several hours a day, within days of giving birth to twins. She also had another older child. However... she had a day nanny, a night nanny and an au pair. HTH...

I'd say it's probably down more to how you feel OP. Because even if you do get a baby who isn't so 'good' and cries whenever you're not holding them or whatever, you potentially still have the option of leaving them with someone else to work if you feel up to it. Whereas if you end up feeling a complete mental and/or physical wreck afterwards, which sometimes happens even with a very good baby, you won't. Now clearly there's a correlation between having a more high needs baby and not feeling able to work, but not always.

It does sound like this is worth pursuing. But how many hours a week are you talking? If you were going to earn more doing it PT than you would from FT work, I'd be tempted to try and make a go of it from early on and use the money to put in place whatever support you would need.

The thing is, you simply have no idea what it's going to be like, first time round.

You would be foolish, I think, to plan to work during your maternity leave, because you could be putting undue pressure on yourself.

Yes, some women (as is evidenced on this thread) manage it, but lots don't. And you haven't failed if you don't!

Babies are hard work.

There are three key things to think about here:

First, you don't know if you're going to get a baby that sleeps all day/night, or one that's colicky (surprisingly common - and you will find it very hard to put a colicky baby down or leave him/her alone if they're suffering.)

Second, don't underestimate the physical impact that giving birth can have on you. This, plus lack of sleep (most new babies do not sleep right through the night, so you'll have to get used to waking several times a night) can leave you sleep deprived pretty quickly. You aren't going to feel as on top of things and ready to tackle your work like you might normally.

And thirdly, your maternity leave is time for you to get to know your baby!

If you can afford childcare, I'd definitely recommend this. It's the only reliable, guaranteed way that you'll be able to work with a baby.

Every baby is different. Just because some mothers have managed to work at home with their baby under 4 months (or whatever), it doesn't mean it is generally achievable with babies this age, simply that it was with theirs.

FWIW I didn't manage to drink a cup of tea while the tea was actually still warm till DS was about 4 months old. I am not joking. There is no way I could have worked at a job that involved thinking or being at a computer.

One that involved being out and about with the baby in a sling ... perhaps. If I was lucky. But homeworking? No.

Also I tried to do some freelance when the baby was about 6 months. It was the most soul destroying thing. I just couldn't do it. I tried for 2 weeks to do something I should have been able to do in an afternoon before admitting defeat.

I can be very determined on the work front and I think I would have to be!

The thing is, it doesn't matter how determined you can be, your baby may have other ideas! One of the things you learn pretty quickly after you have your first baby is that you are no longer in charge

(I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm painting a negative picture, but I was one of those women who couldn't understand why women with new babies were still in their dressing gowns at 5pm. I soon found out!)

It depends on your baby and what you do for a living. If you have a relatively low maintenance baby and your job requires little mental input, then yes. If you're report writing and you're freelance (so can lose clients if you fuck up) then I'd say it isn't worth the risk.

My baby was in nursery 2 days a week from when he was 6 months old so that I could actually get some work done.

The first few weeks and months of time with your baby can be incredibly stressful. Adding an extra burden of work demands I to the mix could be hellish. It's nuts to do this unless you have to IMO.

What you're asking is the equivalent of "AIBU to comsider a job working night shifts when I'm already working full time".

The answer is yes, it'll quite possibly be awful, and leave you no time to really adjust to bring a mum and bonding with your DC. However some people can manage it, and good for them, but it is an extreme thing IMO however hard to explain until you'be been there.

Most mum's on mat leave aren't swanning about trying to find ways to fill the time.

We are so busy we can't get time to shower, make proper food for ourselves or even a cup of tea and are so flipping sleep deprived we feel like we're going insane at times. Fitting work into that would not be pleasant.

I still work from home. Out 20% of the time. My baby lol is 4 nearly

Gah. Stupid phone adding apostrophes and making me look stupid!

And Nanky, I think it's even worse for women to feel like they've failed in some way if they can't juggle a job and a newborn than making them feel that it's a bit of a big ask.

I think it's much better for the OP to be realistic than feel like a failure if she can't pull it off

And Nanky, I think it's even worse for women to feel like they've failed in some way if they can't juggle a job and a newborn than making them feel that it's a bit of a big ask

Nobody is told that, nobody has suggested that. Its not remotely the usual to even try to do so, so that is a ridiculous straw man argument,

OP should be realistic, but laughing at the very notion and telling her its not remotely possible is not being realistic, its being dismissive and rude.

I'm not laughing, nor am I being dismissive. Most people have said if they did it, it was bloody hard work and they wouldn't do it again.

You're being really weirdly defensive about this

I appreciate all opinions received and the candour with which you have all answered.

I do believe I have to give it a go. No hard and fast plans as yet, but I have already discussed the potential with the person who is recruiting my help.

As a consequence of this thread, I have, this evening, had a very honest conversation with the OH - who has been touched with my researching the issue, along with associated potential support mechanisms which might be required. Bless him, he has been so supportive and has conceded with some humility, that the man-hours v's potential pay-packet conundrum is not that much of one. Consequently (and please don't flame along the lines of 'he says this now'...Of that I am quietly aware), he has stated that if the work demands it, as he, himself, is self employed, will step up and do the best we can collaboratively.

I do it. Started a few hours here and there at 3 months and back pretty much full time from 6mths. Baby is 9mths this month.

I work for myself and luckily my clients don't care what hours stuff gets done as long as it gets done and I'm somewhat contactable during the day. I BF so when I need to do work trips my OH and baby come too and I feed in my coffee breaks! Sounds ridiculous but it works for us.

However, i do have support. Family come round and watch her while I work sometimes and my OH takes a day off a week. I'm then always only upstairs in the office for when she needs feeds etc. Some days I'm home alone and I have to fit it around naps or her playing/in the bouncer etc and usually just work in the evenings on these days (like today when likely to work late).

There are days when I'm working till 3am and the up all night with the baby but if I'm too shattered I just nap when she does and catch up with work once my OH is home.

It's not easy, I sometimes wish I could work less but I don't wish I wasn't working. I love using my brain again. I am VERY lucky that my work can totally be done flexibly like this though. There is no way I could hold 9-5 hours and get what I needed done.

My DD refused to be put down at all for the first 8 weeks, so we were holding her all night. She then slept in her cot at night, but wanted to be held for 90% of the time when she was awake. While my friends babies slept for a couple of hours a day, her max was usually 40minutes, until about 20 months when she gave up on day time naps altogether. So I certainly would not have been able to work at the same time.

I think doing it at 3 months is a very different proposition to doing it with a newborn and it could well work. Do give yourself 3 months off though!

I still work (mainly) from home and my kids are really well-trained that you don't open the door of my office if it's shut unless it's an emergency (because I'm on a conf call).

It means we have enormous amounts of flexibility and it's been absolutely brilliant not having to scrabble around for childcare during the holidays.

Good luck!

You're being really weirdly defensive about this

What's weird about it? If you had done something (twice), what would you think if loads of other people said it was impossible, ridiculous, and if you tried it you'd definitely be both shit at the work and a terrible parent?

narky , ignore them. . i did it for 11 years , it is possible, but as i said above i found men far mor accepting and supportive than women.

Why's that do you think Bruffin?

I had an extremely unsleepy baby (twice, although I had help 2 days a week the second time) and I am by no means (by no means at all) an organised person. But it was important to me to work for lots of reasons and so it did get done. To be defensive: we bonded fine, and I didn't completely screw up work. I even got a bit more efficient because I had to - for a bit anyway. Also worth adding that husband took charge a lot at weekends, so admittedly that was also vital to the whole ludicrous project's reasonable success.