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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect follow-up when reporting a rape

14 replies

Diel · 09/02/2017 13:43

I don't want to out myself so keeping a bit vague, sorry.

I was raped a number of years ago and reported this to the police. The person who did this was an aquantance so I know that they were questioned, as were other friends.

AIBU to have spent years feeling like I wasn't believed because the police never told me they were dropping the case, I just never heard from them again.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/02/2017 13:59

Let me start by saying. I can guarantee that I speak for the whole of Mumsnet. When I say
. We believe you. XxFlowers (((((((())))))))).

YDNBU. What a disgusting dismissive way to treat someone.
Its small wonder so many rapes go unreported.

chatnanny · 09/02/2017 14:22

Appalling! And not the norm I hope and think. DD was assaulted (thumped not sexual) on the tube a year ago and I was really impressed at the response. CCTV victim support, the lot. If you can find the strength to follow it up I really hope you'll be treated better. Perhaps with the support of rape crisis or similar? As PP says, you are believed.

Goldenhandshake · 09/02/2017 14:29

I am appalled OP. And more importantly, I believe you Flowers.

I find police assistance very hit and miss. A friend was attacked in a children's soft play centre, in front of small children, by a man who punched her, and was caught on cctv, with a shed load of witnesses. When the police tracked him down, they just gave him a warning. :(

c3pu · 09/02/2017 15:01

YANBU.

I don't know how long ago you made the complaint, but while I've had recent experiences with the justice system that have left a lot to be desired, they've had a lot more communication than that.

Original poster
Diel · 09/02/2017 16:47

Thanks for your replies. It was a number of years ago but still bothers me when I think about the police response.

I do hope it was some error and this is not how they practice generally.

Thanks for saying you believe me, this has made me question myself at times.

OP posts:
EllenRipley · 09/02/2017 16:56

That's disgusting conduct by the police. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I may be wrong but I would expect that these days procedure is much better - or should be. I don't want to be presumptuous if this is totally in the past for you but would it help to contact the police station in question, to make a formal complaint or ask to see what was in the case file and why you and the charge were so readily dismissed? Someone might be along to put me right on procedures, and it might be something you obviously don't want to do. I expect there are a lot of people in the same situation months or years on from an assault. You had and have every right to better treatment. X

GREATAUNT1 · 09/02/2017 17:08

The police should have told you what was happening. Many cases never go to court as there's not enough evidence. It's not that they don't believe you, I believe you.

GinIsMySaviour · 09/02/2017 17:54

Oh OP that is a terrible way to be treated. As pps have said, I am sure it is more to do with issues around the system rather than a reflection of the individuals' thoughts on you or the case.

I believe you Flowers

Original poster
Diel · 09/02/2017 23:08

Thank you. I don't think I could face looking atvthe information or even hearing more, otherwise I would ask what happened and formally complain.

OP posts:
TheProblemOfSusan · 10/02/2017 00:05

I believe you. And if you don't want to drag it up again that's OK. But I believe you and the police were shit not to follow this up properly.

It sounds like this has been haunting you and you've been ruminating on it - might talking it through with a professional be of interest?

RhodaBorrocks · 10/02/2017 00:10

Oh hell OP, they treated you so badly. I believe you as well.

Hopefully they've improved their practices in recent years. My recent dealings with the police have been because I was pickpocketed a few weeks ago and I've had 3 follow up calls so far and they've apologised for taking so long. Tbh I hadn't expected to hear from them at all.

I'm so sorry you were treated so badly Flowers

Original poster
Diel · 10/02/2017 00:10

I think it would be helpful to speak to a counsellor but I called Rape Crisis about 5 years ago and, ironically, they never got back to me so I let it slide again.

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 10/02/2017 01:16

It's crap and unfair but my experience both with police and support has been if you don't chase it and keep at them you get forgotten.

My stock phrase has been "those who shout the loudest"

I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry the police have been terrible and I'm sorry the services have also been crap.

You have been massively strong and brave to take the steps of reporting and trying to access help and that should have been enough, that should have meant you could then sit and let them carry you for a while but you've been massively let down and though I'm not surprised I'm sorry.

GangstaRat · 10/02/2017 02:59

This is purely anecdotal but I have found police behaviour (policy?) when dealing with sexual offenses has come on by leaps and bounds over the past 20, or even 10 years.

Not pushing at all but there may be the option to re-report if you feel that's something you might want to explore. Only because my therapist happened to tell me literally this week that it was an option for me, when I'd never considered that it might be.

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