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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my kids away from chicken pox party?

245 replies

Badgerboop · 09/02/2017 11:06

More of a WWYD?

One of my friends is having a kids party tomorrow and both of my children have been invited. I've just found out via Facebook that the birthday girl has got chicken pox in the contagious stage. The mother is not going to postpone the party and it's still going ahead.

Neither of my kids have had it. I wouldn't mind the eldest one catching it as I think she would cope with it but I really don't want my youngest to catch it as she's just getting over a cold, ear and chest infection which has knocked her for 6 and neither of us have had any sleep for the past 5 days!

Shall I just decline the invite or just take them? She's the type of woman who will get funny with me if I decline. I thought about just taking the eldest but if she catches it she will obv pass onto th youngest

OP posts:
goose1964 · 09/02/2017 20:10

Maybe the mother doesn't know about the complications,I didn't. My 3 children ,2 grandsons and numerous friends had it with nothing worse than itching. I've never had it so I can't even relate from a personal point if view

Serialweightwatcher · 09/02/2017 20:13

When I got it at 37 I had to call the GP because I felt so ill - he made me feel far worse when he said "of course you'll feel ill with it at your age - did you know they're all over your organs on the inside too" - scared the crap out of me at the time because a woman in her early 30s had died from it in our area a fortnight prior when it turned to pneumonia Sad

Bettyspants · 09/02/2017 20:17

Very true weight watcher , but I'm sure that in the next few years as complications from chicken pox continue to increase therefore increasing use of NHS funding we will eventually be offered the varicella vaccine as part of the vaccination program, like the vast majority of other eu countries. I'm off to work I've said my bit!!

bluebellsparklypants · 09/02/2017 20:23

I'd be pissed if I went to a party and the hosts kids had an infectious illness

My DS had it at 8months and no I would not deliberately of infected him

It's up to you op but if your youngest is just getting over a cold then would you really want them to suffer with something else when their already at a low ebeb

RedAndYellowStripe · 09/02/2017 20:25

Well I imagine that the b'day child is feeling well in themselves.
Personally I would go. I was happy to see my dcs get chicken pox when they were y U g rather than as teenager/adult.
Dc1 had the good idea to actually pass it on to most of the dcs at nursery (because CP is actually contagious BEFORE the spots appear) and all the parents I talked to were happy onto see their DC get it young.

I would be more careful with a very young baby (e.g. An 8month old) or one that has some health issue.
Not with a healthy child.

Willyoujustbequiet · 09/02/2017 20:26

Purple I had the double dose vaccine on the NHS so its inaccurate to say its never been provided.

Also another poster said it provides lifelong immunity. But i still got CP after the vaccine so its not a guarantee.

mummytime · 09/02/2017 20:26

I would decline and not worry about her not being your friend because:
a) as others have said it can have nasty side effects
b) does she know no parents are pregnant? I had it in pregnancy and my Doctors were not happy, I was lucky it was mild and the baby was fine. But a fever can bring on labour, which they were also worried about.
c) does she know that no one is or has regular contact with someone who is immune compromised?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 09/02/2017 20:29

Another saying don't go. Tough fucking shit if she gets funny with you.

I have a friend who's DC had chicken pox, mine hadn't had it, she didn't want to stay in so went out and about with our friends. I'm the only one who wouldn't go and they got a bit funny with me because I'm the only one with a braincell I couldn't have given a shit about their attitude.

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2017 20:33

Juke I believe that contracting it twice is really rare and yet I personally know quite a few people who claim to have had it at least twice. I find it all confusing tbh.

PurpleDaisies · 09/02/2017 20:35

Purple I had the double dose vaccine on the NHS so its inaccurate to say its never been provided.

I thought I'd said it had never been provided as part of the regular schedule. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Cupofchino · 09/02/2017 20:41

I cannot urge you strongly enough not to do this.

My youngest daughter caught chicken pox from a soft play place. She had it very 'mildly'. Not too spotty, not too poorly...until she suddenly went cross eyed a couple of weeks after she developed the spots...

The chicken pox had caused post viral 6th nerve palsy (paralysis to the nerve from her brain to her eye..)and it has been absolutely horrible for her. (Not to mention us as they originally thought it was a brain tumour...)

Not something I would ever knowingly put my children into contact with, ever.

bubblemcgubble · 09/02/2017 20:44

Wow Redandyellow happy to see your child to get CP??

I don't think I was happy to see either of my children to get CP but yes maybe there was a certain sense of relief. Little did I know what was in store. I regret not getting the vaccination.

My son had a stroke following CP. It was only luck that he has recovered as well as he had. Had he been over 3 and had a stroke, things would have been very different. As it was it happened when he was a toddler.

It is exactly this type of thread which wants me to scream out loud. Complications are rare but it doesn't feel rare when it happens to your child. It can happen. It does happen.

bubblemcgubble · 09/02/2017 20:47

cupofchino i'm sorry to hear what happened to your daughter too Flowers

GinIsIn · 09/02/2017 20:53

I was 5 when I had CP, and my brother was 3. We were both fine, just spotty, itchy and grumpy. My poor mum, on the other hand, had never had it and was so ill that 30 years later the memory of it still scares me. She was delirious and hallucinating, and I remember my grandma having to fight her to put her in a cold bath to bring down the fever while we waited for the doctor to come, because my mum was convinced ants were eating her. She ended up in hospital and was out of action for about 6 weeks. If you catch it, it can't be helped, but to go out of your way to get it is madness.

Bicnod · 09/02/2017 21:07

I wouldn't go and I would (and did) get my children vaccinated.

P1nkSparkles · 09/02/2017 21:19

FGS - people need to stop being so blasé about chicken pox.

My husband is immunocompromised - my daughter is being given the chicken pox vaccine as soon as she's old enough to offer him some protection, but already we're in quarantine as there's been an outbreak at one of our groups & fortunately we missed it that week.

If she has not got out of her way to make sure everyone attending the party is aware - not only is that selfish - but it's incredibly irresponsible!! In our situation, if it was our group of friends we would have to avoid everyone who attended the party for two weeks because of the incubation period....

GColdtimer · 09/02/2017 21:20

There is a MN who had a relative who took their child to a CP party. The child suffered brain damage, the Mum turned to alcohol through guilt.

Madness to deliberately expose your child to an illness which could be life threatening.

And am also amazed at posters who come on threads like this after reading stories like bubbles and just say "nah, not a risk" with no comprehension of how insensitive that is.

Dd1 sailed through CP. dd2 had a terrible time.

moonbells · 09/02/2017 21:33

Another one saying don't go, and find somewhere that vaccinates. I had CP at 16 and it was utterly vile. Still have scars (harrumph) years later.

DS got vaccinated while he was still tiny because he was so ill after he started nursery and caught everything going (they thought at one point he had meningitis - lumbar puncturing a screaming child is horrific) that I swore if I could prevent him catching just one virus it would be worth it.

He duly had the vaccine. A year or so later, there was a major outbreak of CP at the nursery. He never even looked like getting it.

Please vaccinate if you can afford it. I know not everyone can, but...

CanIBeElectricToo · 09/02/2017 21:38

My usually healthy, non immuno-compromised 4 year old spent a week in hospital on morphine and anti viral drips with chickenpox just before Christmas, she's still recovering now. She suffered complications, doctors thought it was meningitis but luckily it wasn't.

Really scares me to see posts being so blase about chickenpox, unfortunately it is not a minor, irritating illness for every child. I'm glad most people take it so seriously.

I had a thread at the time and someone asked me to repost these photos if a chicken pox party thread ever came up so here they are.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/02/2017 21:44

I do personally wonder if these people would have parties for other childhood diseases?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/02/2017 21:45

Poor little one CanI

Tinklebinkle · 09/02/2017 21:45

Another one saying run a mile from this incredibly daft idea. I was under the impression CP was a fairly harmless disease. Then I got a swift education when my cousins ds was infected in the community and ended up in hospital. He became incredibly ill very quickly, leading to a terrible couple of weeks of not knowing if he was going to survive. His DM and DD were absolutely terrified especially when ds took a bad turn and was blue lighted to another hospital miles away. It was so quick they had to follow the ambulance and weren't allowed to go with him. The whole family powerless to help. Awful. Don't risk it for goodness sake! Ds was very lucky to make it. Trust your instincts and run a mile op! Flowers

Greta84 · 09/02/2017 21:45

No way would I take a child to a CP your 'friend' is being a total fecking dick. On a side I've vaccinated both mine and will ensure they get boosters. Privately via Citydoc was £65 a vaccine. They do need 2 doses. I have a friend who a paediatric doctors - guess what?! They have privately had their kids vaccinated!!

Greta84 · 09/02/2017 21:46

CHicken pox party that meant- sorry

Tinklebinkle · 09/02/2017 21:50

Oh canibeelectrictoo your poor dd! I hope she is on the mend and you have managed to recover too! Shocking condition. A picture tells a thousand words. for you! -> Wine and DD ->Bear