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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cat Hell!

47 replies

blondiii · 08/02/2017 15:27

I am an animal lover...honestly I am but I've had horses and dogs...I am a dog person.

But, my DH and I rescued two cats because we wanted pets and worked shifts so couldn't get a dog.

We lived in an open plan house so they had unrestricted access and totally wrecked it.

We moved house, and to stop this happening again I shut them in the (big) kitchen over night when we weren't around to supervise them clawing carpets and sofa's etc. They go outside too.

Then, DS came along. When I got back from the hospital one approached and attacked me for no reason. It also did a huge smelly wee in DS's Moses basket. Because of this I shut them in the kitchen more as I was home alone with new DS and I was frightened what they would do.

DS is now 1, I have tried being more relaxed about them but they've clawed DS twice (once because of fur pulling, once for no reason at all).

My cats are total dicks!! AIBU? I would have rehomed them by now but DH says they're family members and it's not fair etc but they make my life hell. I am always cleaning up there sick/poo and dealing with their attitudes, I do all the vet stuff and feeding. They're really high maintenance, worse than any dog I've had. I know the cat brigade will probably think I'm the devil incarnate but I am at my wits end.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

maddiemookins16mum · 08/02/2017 15:43

They sound stressed. Have you tried Feliway?

SapphireStrange · 08/02/2017 15:50

Can you get some good advice from a vet/shelter/behaviourist?

TBH maybe you shouldn't have taken on cats just because you wanted pets generally.

Crazycatlady83 · 08/02/2017 15:51

Are they indoors or outdoors cats? Can you let them out? My cats were very stressed when our DS came home for the first time, but letting them out really calmed everything down!

likeacrow · 08/02/2017 15:56

YANBU. I love my cat but yours sound aggressive and mean! I've got a baby on the way & the cat would be gone if he hurt her. Our cat goes out though so it shouldn't be too much of a problem.
Why do you do all the vet stuff and feeding? If your dh is that keen let him bloody do it!

maggiecate · 08/02/2017 15:59

It sounds as if they are very stressed out. Some cats are low maintenance, some aren't, some are fine with kids, some aren't. You don't really know what you're going to get, and with rescues it's hard to get them to unlearn bad habits like scratching carpets and furniture.

It might be kinder to rehome them somewhere that the owners have a lifestyle that suits this pair better - home more, no kids, no carpets!

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/02/2017 16:01

We need a photo of the miscreants really.

A lot of what we interpret as aggression in cats, like ankle swatting, is actually play behaviour.

The weeing can be marking, our cat usually marks Dhs belongings like his bath towel & not mine because he's more sure of me than Dh (who actually adores him but he's a one woman cat).

lubeybooby · 08/02/2017 16:11

they need a few feliway diffusers, some cat trees and high places to go that are secure/can't fall over

OrangeSquashTallGlass · 08/02/2017 16:29

I agree that they sound really stressed. What did the rescue say about them when you got them (were they ok with kids etc?).

You were being unreasonable to get cats without really wanting them though! All pets are a responsibility. Cats may not need walking but it doesn't automatically make them an easy pet. YABU to moan about clearing up poo/dealing with vets/feeding them - that's all part of being a pet owner.

Original poster

blondiii · 08/02/2017 16:30

I do let them out an awful lot, for most the day, and then in at night as it's cold but they come and go as they please (no cat flap so they meow at the door).

I have spent a fortune on cat trees, toys, etc and food! Don't even get me started there is not one particular type they like in terms of brand, in jelly or gravy etc they turn their noses up regularly at food so I spend a fortune on this too!

I didn't get them just because I wanted a pet I did spend a lot of time thinking about it and have family with cats so wasn't naive, but they are furry little satans at time! Do not be fooled by the cute pictures haha!

OP posts:

TheCatsMother99 · 08/02/2017 16:31

The cats sound seriously stresses out.

They were rehomed which is stressful, plus a baby then arrived which would also be stressful to them.

I agree that feelaway plug in should be used and basically anything you can do to keep them happy. They really need a space they feel safe in that's truly theirs, if you can do that it should help a bit too.

melj1213 · 08/02/2017 16:52

Your cats have some behaviour issues and seem to be high maintenence and really stressed out - not all cats are laid back and cuddly. This can be very common especially in rescue cats where they may have been affected by treatment in their previous homes. You should definitely talk to your vet about it as weeing/pooing everywhere and being sick frequently is not normal.

I have two cats: one I've had since my brother's friend found a bag of feral kittens someone had abandoned on the side of a road in the rain ... she fit in the palm of your hand and was a few weeks old at best. We didn't think she'd survive but wanted to give her a comfortable last few days, if nothing else ... well of course the little bugger thrived and is two and a half now, although she is still tiny and is only the size of an average one year old cat and probably won't grow any more. She is a little shit, and despite being found at a few weeks old, she still has odd feral tendancies that can be destructive, but I have spent the two years I've had her training her (and you can train cats, it's just hard bloody work and you need to get in early and consistently) but even now she's not allwed in the lounge overnight as she will scratch the sofa to shreds, but during the day she only ever uses the scratching post or the scratchboards.

My second cat, I got about 7 months ago, and she was thought to be about 7/8 months old when I got her from the animal rescue, they didn't know as she was rescued from a terrible home life and the original owners really didn't take care of her at all and let their kids torment her because they didn't ever teach them how to be gentle with animals. The first month of owning her, she lived in the spare room and would hide if anyone came into the room. I went in every day to feed her etc but would just sit in a chair with a book for a couple of hours and it was usually about an hour before she would come out, and took weeks before she'd let me stroke her. Even now, if someone comes into my house she will shoot upstairs and hide in her catigloo thing because she's still very very scared of strangers, especially children - so my friends kids all know not to even try to stroke her, and that the other cat will tolerate it only if she approaches you first (or of you have food because they're greedy little shits)

melj1213 · 08/02/2017 16:56

Oh and here are my two little angels right now ...

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 08/02/2017 16:57

How old are they/how long have you had them?

DoReMeFaBlaBla · 08/02/2017 16:57

They're very stressed by the sounds of it. Might be better off rehoming.

NootNoot · 08/02/2017 16:58

Your cats are stressed out of their heads.

Get some Feliway plugged in, you can buy it at Pets at Home
Go to vet or ring & ask for behaviourist number.

YANBU being upset by their behaviour but YABU calling them "dicks", put yourself in their fuzzy shoes for a minute first.

Good luck- dont be the owner that gets flamed for complaining but not doing anything proactive about the situation.

Original poster

blondiii · 08/02/2017 17:44

To clarify - I've owned pets all my life, including horses, so I'm well versed and prepared for the responsibility and demand any pet can require. They're 6 this year (brothers, who can't stand each other), and I've had them 3 years.

The rescue centre said they were fine to be rehomed in a family setting etc and had no issues to be aware of, rehomed as previous owner passed away.

The thing that grates me is that despite all my effort (but I am willing to try any new ideas like the feliway plugs or any other advice given) and attempts I've made to interstate then happily to our lives they will always turn on me or DS eventually with no provocation. I'd understand if it was playful or a misunderstanding but this seems down right 'arse-iness'. I really want them to be part of the family 😔

OP posts:

DoReMeFaBlaBla · 08/02/2017 17:46

You're taking it personally. They're animals.

helpimitchy · 08/02/2017 17:49

Cats aren't like dogs, you can't mould them to fit your needs. They are their own animal and you have to learn to live around them, not the other way around.

If you're not a 'cat person' this is difficult to take on board.

piglover · 08/02/2017 18:00

As well as Feliway, you can get calming collars: I've had mixed success with them, as they worked a treat on my neurotic little girl, but not so much on my more macho boy cat - but worth a try at least.

SapphireStrange · 08/02/2017 18:03

You're taking it personally. They're animals.

Yes, this. They'e not being arsey deliberately!

hopskip123 · 08/02/2017 18:10

You need to try a feliway plug in in every room they go in for a month before making any decisions. Also because of their behaviour I think they need a cat flap

FunkyChunk · 09/02/2017 09:28

Feliway 100% - try it ASAP. It might take a few days/couple of weeks to show an effect but it will.

SquatBetty · 09/02/2017 09:38

Feliway
Cat flap (if you can)
Basket/cushions somewhere up high your DS can't get to so cats have a safe space of their own to relax in that can't be intruded upon

If all that fails I'd seriously consider getting a cat behaviourist in. And if nothing improves after the behaviourist has given advice then perhaps look at re-homing them as they are clearly very, very stressed out at yours.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 09/02/2017 09:45

They sound so stressed out! They might be used to having loads of attention if they came from a good home (rehomed because owner died and that will be a big upset for them).and they're not getting that from you. You lock them in a room and then outside and a baby is a big upheaval for them at the best of times.
Try giving them some love and be patient, try feliway, but if you're going to keep locking them out all day instead of trying to understand that they're stressed and upset then just rehome them.

Reow · 09/02/2017 10:33

Ha! The photos are amazing. I love a bit of a shitty attitude in a cat.

Cat's can sense animosity towards them. If they feel that you dont like them or trust them they may well be defensive/territorial/bitchy.

Feliway is a great suggestion. They sound bored. Do they have cat trees/toys/things to hide in? Do you play with them?

When we adopted our cat from a shelter we were his 3rd home, he'd been returned twice by former owners who found him aggressive and trashed their houses. He's fine with us, we let him come and go as he pleases, we've sprayed stuff on the furniture that discourages them from clawing at it - www.pet-supermarket.co.uk/Johnsons-Anti-Scratch-Spray/p/I9112397?_fp1=ppc&_fp2=416253626&_fp3=24452308706&_fp4=I0014057&gclid=Cj0KEQiAw_DEBRChnYiQ_562gsEBEiQA4LcssjEKvsxaUDV8UloEw_E8mA5nTA8lPV-V45-pkDxZJiIaAnxx8P8HAQ

Does your OH participate in their care? Sounds like it's mostly down to you.

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