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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how many best friends / friends you have?

78 replies

SingingInTheRainstorm · 08/02/2017 08:16

There's often posts on MN about fallings out between friends. Was wondering how many people you have in your inner circle, friends and best friends plus OH if you have one.

Also are they people you've known ages or are fairly new friendships. Is there anyone that makes you want to scream? What kind of stuff do you do?

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 08/02/2017 11:00

My sister and our old school are my best friends.

I then probably have another 10 friends who I socialise with regularly (be it days out or just going to each other's houses for catch ups) and would class myself as close enough to them that I could go to them with any problems etc.

user1477282676 · 08/02/2017 11:14

I have two best friends but neither live in my city. I speak to them regularly and meet up when we can. I see a best friend as the person at whose door you could turn up at 2.am and be welcomed inside.

I have friends apart from them who I can call for coffee or a night out...but not many...probably 3 in reality who live in my town...maybe 4.

ChilliMum · 08/02/2017 11:41

I don't have a best friend, as an adult I realise that I am not good at being a best friend . I am quite introverted and I feel suffocated easily.
That said I have quite a few close friends who I genuinely love and would drop anything to help and would be happy to text in an emergency.
I also have plenty of friends / aquantances and people to go out with and also a very sociable job so I don't lack company.
I think realising who I am and not worrying about the friendship thing has weirdly helped me to be a better frIend and have a wider social circle

Ordinarily · 08/02/2017 12:01

A couple of old friends who live a long way away.

None here.

StarUtopia · 08/02/2017 12:36

Surprisingly, it's been a couple of people who I would have classed as acquaintances who have been amazing and gone out of their way to help. My true friends (those who I thought I could count on) have literally gone cold :(

3 have seen messages on FB off me asking for help - have been online since and no reply back. I might add, I'm not asking for the world. Literally just trying to find an hour off them here or there to fill in gaps as I am incapable of looking after two nursery aged children (it wouldn't be safe)

This did only just happen however, maybe they think I need some time/space? Maybe they would think differently if they knew that I fell coming down the stairs this morning and was unable to get back up off the floor for over 15 minutes and then it took another 15 minutes to get to the safety of the couch. I also haven't eaten or drunk anything yet since 7am when husband left the house as I can't physically get to it. I'm far too embarrassed to actually share any of these particulars! I've asked for help and had mostly tumbleweeds drifting past!

Thanks for the support guys

Chasingsquirrels · 08/02/2017 12:53

@StarUtopia I think you probably DO need to share these sort of details - maybe not on FB, but direct messages? Perhaps your friends don't realise the extent of your current situation? Is there any other support you could access for this obviously very difficult time?

whensitmyturn · 08/02/2017 13:08

I've got 10 people apart from dh I'd class as best friends
Both my sisters
X2 friends from my school days
X4 mums in our group at kids school
X2 friends from uni.

See both my sisters most weeks usually my parents house, we often go to the theatre together and sometimes have dinner at each other's houses.

School friends, meet up usually during day with kids but will also go out for dinner and have the odd big night out.

Mum friends- coffee/brunches during week or soft play if have the little ones. Go out for dinner for birthdays and do a mini break once a year.

Uni friends, meet up 4 times a year- twice with kids and twice just us usually afternoon tea/spa day or big nights out.

I have an absolutely brilliant group of friends and I work hard at seeing them regularly even if I'm tired/ busy with life, they're a massive part of my life.

I'd say I have another 5 'outer' friends, 2 I used to work with at an old job, we meet up every couple of months for dinner either at each other's house or restaurant.
1 from another job we usually meet every couple of months for coffee and another school mum, we see each other every few weeks either with kids or a night out.

user1477282676 · 08/02/2017 13:12

Star Do you not have any home help at all? It doesn't seem right that you're left to it like that!

FooFighter99 · 08/02/2017 13:51

I have 1 life long best friend, we've literally know each other since birth and been friends since about 4years old (we're also now family since I married her cousin) but we don't see each other as often as we'd like due to work and kids (mine, she has none yet) and I wish I could spend more time with her.

I also wish I had more friends, I have a "Work Bestie" whom I adore, but we rarely get to do anything together outside of work.

My DH is amazing though. But it's not the same

thisgirlrides · 08/02/2017 14:05

I have 2 lots of old 'best' 2 friends : two from school days and the other two from our first work placement after uni - we text/Facebook/what's app and meet up in our respective groups once or twice a year - I can speak to them about anything, if I needed help or vice versa we are very much there for each other even though we don't see each other that often.

I'm made lots of acquaintances & friends through dc's school & activities, NCT, village network etc so lucky in that respect as I tend to make friends quite easily (plus I've never had any dramatic falling outs either !) . I see some of these people daily in passing but probably socialise at least monthly either alone or with partners/family & it's a massive part of where we live and the main reason I struggle with our future plan to move away.

CrustyOldsock · 08/02/2017 14:05

I used to have one but it turned out she didn't like me and DH but was just too pathetic to end the friendship. I have lots of people I'm friendly with but no one I could text random nonsense and phone for a chat.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 08/02/2017 14:06

2 very good friends & about 6 others I socialise with quite regularly.

CoodleMoodle · 08/02/2017 14:12

I have one best friend and DH. I struggle with it some days (I'm a SAHM and get lonely with just a nearly 3yo for company) but I don't seem to be able to make friends anymore.

I had a couple of friends at primary school, lots at high school, lots at sixth form and then back to a couple at uni (and then only in my last year). After that I worked on my own (nanny) so didn't make friends there really (though I'm still close with the family), then had DD and haven't made a single friend since. She's starting preschool soon so I'm hoping I can get out to work and make some then. Or at least some acquaintances!

IWantAnotherBaby · 08/02/2017 14:20

None, really. DH is my friend. I have work colleagues who I like and get along well with, but I tended to have one quite intense friendship at a time growing up, and that has morphed into a DH. A bit sad, really. Quite a lot of acquaintances.
Not sure really what it is about me. I've never really known why; I just seem not to be likeable. I'm used to it, but I do sometimes wonder how people have these huge circles of great friends that do stuff together all the time.
I'm very glad that my DCs seem to have the bit that I'm missing, and make great friends and seem to keep them.
I'm not lonely, and I like my own company, but sometimes I wonder how it will be when I'm old, retired, children left home etc, and DH is several years older than me... I suppose I'll be mad old cat lady... or chickens...

hellsbellsmelons · 08/02/2017 14:43

I know a lot of people so if I go out I have people to chat to etc...
But proper friends... I have 4 and one of those is my sister.
1 is my very best friend.
1 is also a very close friend.
The other lives away from me now but I still consider her a good friend although we only catch up twice a year at the moment.

goingonabearhunt1 · 08/02/2017 15:50

Sad as it may be, my DP is my best friend (he's the one who understands me the best). I have some close friends but not many I'd call at 2am if I had a crisis (they always say that's the true test of a friendship). I think sometimes it's best not to expect so much from friends, after all they all have their own lives/families/problems etc. I have plenty of people to spend time with and that I enjoy talking to and for me that's enough now (not had a 'best friend' since I was in primary school).

I have a group of uni friends I see 2/3 times a year for a big meet-up, some friends from my post-grad course that I see probably 1/2 times a year and a few local friends I see weekly or so. I have a couple of close friends from school/college who I see every so often, one in particular that I've known since I was 12 and we always have so much fun together and can chat for ages.

I've been through phases of feeling lonely but now I have accepted that it's OK for me to not have constant social interaction and it doesn't make me some kind of failure (some people need more time alone than others and I'm one of them I think so that's probably why I'm not as close to lots of people as some other people are).

GrapesAreMyJam · 08/02/2017 16:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TheCatsMother99 · 08/02/2017 16:28

2 'best' friends plus one friend who is pretty much a best friend but I haven't known her anywhere near as long so although I love her to bits it's just a slightly different relationship.

I also have perhaps 5 other friends who I would say are very good friends but I just don't see or speak to them as often.

ShakeofFara · 08/02/2017 16:31

I have lots of people I know and two to three I'd meet for coffee or lunch but no close friends. I have friends from a hobby and we meet outside of hobby once every few months. To be honest it's easier this way, I find close friendships a minefield to navigate .

I do get lonely from time to time

DJBaggySmalls · 08/02/2017 16:36

FishlessCake Ha! me too

I was Wendied years ago, along with 2 other women. No one talks to me, its still going on.

Lonoxo · 08/02/2017 16:45

I don't have a best friend. If I had a best friend, I would think I had to invite her to everything, pick her first and prioritise her over other friends. Being territorial wouldn't work for me. My DH is closest to a best friend.

I'm trying to develop an inner circle of close friends who I would see every 1-2 months, remember their birthdays, check in regularly.

Outer circle - see 1-2 times a year, FB tells me when their birthdays are.

Old school friends - see once every year or so as I don't live in the area.

Overseas friends - don't see often. Would be happy to see them if they visited the country and would try to meet up if I went to their country.

Couple friends - people I've met via DH and would socialise as couples only.

Acquaintances - people I would meet at events and enjoy chatting with but would not meet one-on-one.

I also have a large family. It would be nice to see people more but it's not possible with my schedule. Plus I need time to myself.

hearyoume · 08/02/2017 16:49

Mainly DH so I'm fucked if he leaves me.

I see DF a couple of times a week. He's my gig and cinema buddy and is far cooler than me. DBro joins us sometimes.

I see my old NCT group a lot. Less now as we are all on to 2nd/3rd babies at different times but we all meet for dinner once a month and try to catch up where we can in between. There are 6 of us though so difficult to schedule.

I talk to other mums at the school gates, baby groups etc but I wouldn't pursue a solid friendship.

I really only see school friends at weddings etc.

Magzmarsh · 08/02/2017 16:58

About 12 in the very close inner circle and about another 15 or so on the outer circle.

I've always had loads of friends 😁. I wasn't an only child but my siblings are much older than me and I needed my pals to get me through childhood and fortunately never lost the knack of making and keeping them.

I'm very loyal and expect it back. If people let me down or take the piss once too often I simply sever the friendship, I've got lots of friends to fall back on and don't feel the need to put up with crap because I'm afraid of "losing" someone.

This seems to make people gravitate towards me because I'm straightforward and don't tolerate nonsense 😊

PosiePootlePerkins · 08/02/2017 17:02

Reading through this thread has made me feel quite normal! I always think everyone else has hundreds of friends. I have two close friends who I go out with maybe once a month, but see them most days on the school run. And two good friends who I don't see so often. Also my DH who is my soulmate.
DH on the other hand has loads of colleagues but no close friends.
for all of you who have had a hard time with friendships.

StarUtopia · 08/02/2017 20:19

No, but after ringing the docs today for advice, they suggested contacting The Red Cross who may be able to support.

It's early days for me. I'm sure I will in a better place in a few weeks time. Just tough right now (and gives me a whole new found respect for some elderly people who are left to cope on their own day in day out...struggling to get out of the room, get a drink etc etc)

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