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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the rape laws in the UK are sexist and should be changed?

316 replies

StuartAteMyStrawberries · 07/02/2017 23:43

Only men can be charged with rape in the UK. Women can be charged with sexual assault but not rape.

AIBU to think this is outrageous and that anyone who has sex with another person is a rapist and should be charged as such?

It was legal for a man to rape his wife up until the 1990's and the law was rightly changed to make it a criminal offense. AIBU to think we should change the definition of rape so that women can be charged with it too?

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 01:27

I'm not engaging with you any more, Beagle because you're a goady fucker.

DJBaggySmalls · 08/02/2017 01:28

Get the laws on sexual assault changed and clarified if you feel you need to.
Women fought to get rape recognised as a serious crime. You dont get to take that away.
People who are genuinely fighting for rights dont want to weaken or abolish others hard won rights.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 01:28

Well that's your opinion worrid, isn't it?

FloraFox · 08/02/2017 01:29

No-one is saying women are not capable of committing horrendous crimes. That's ridiculous.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 01:30

Sorry DJBaggy I called you DJBiggy!

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 01:30

I was sexually abused as a child by a family member and I was also raped six years ago by a family friend whilst my family was sat fucking downstairs. I could hear my family laugh and joke as he pinned me down and raped me but I couldn't do anything about it because his hand was over my mouth and I couldn't fight him off.

Both of those events fucked me up massively and have left me with serious issues with my own body along with serious trust issues and countless other issues.

I have suffered depression, anxiety, self harm and panic attacks throughout my life which can be traced right back to the abuse I endured and of course later the rape I endured.

I have wanted to kill myself, wanted to tear my own skin from my own body...drain my blood from my own body because there were times when I couldn't stand to be in my skin because I just kept feeling them there on top of me...violating me everywhere I turned.

So please do not accuse me of viewing wanting to 'win' an internet argument as being more important than wanting respect and dignity for survivors when all I bloody try and do is help and encourage other women to not be ashamed or speak out all the while trying to deal with my own issues.

I never said you couldn't call yourself a rape survivor. You can call yourself whatever you want. If you feel like you've been raped then you're entitled to those feelings.

However this thread was about the law and the legal definitions and that's what I'm talking about.

worridmum · 08/02/2017 01:31

Well i regret posting on this thread as apprently I am seen as a mygnosit or rape apoligist for wanting a legal term changed to be more fit for purpose. because as it currently stand there is a percived tier structure right now with sexaul crimes where it excules large sections of the most serious crimes to be considered equal with one defined in English Law as rape

DJBaggySmalls · 08/02/2017 01:33

No, its that you dont take sexual assault seriously.
No one said there is any tier. Its in your head.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 01:33

Bye then!

FloraFox · 08/02/2017 01:34

AVirginLitTheCandle Flowers

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 01:37

Great posts from Flora at 1.27 and DJBaggy at 1.28.

And Virgin I'm so sorry that happened to you.

LoupGarou · 08/02/2017 01:38

AVirgin so why should we (as a society) not support and encourage all victims, not just women?

Sexual assault and rape are always horrific and leave deep lasting scars regardless of whether the abusers and victims were male or female. There are still abusers getting away with it because as a society we do not have the systems, support and culture to help all victims come forwards.

As a side note Flowers to all who have suffered.

worridmum · 08/02/2017 01:38

so again venus you are denying the right of my friend to be classed a rape victim because her perpotator used a strapon instead of a penis.

Why has the No means No campaigned failed so badly the people actully resist the change that all sexual intercourse without consent should be classed as Rape?

So should my friend be classed as less of a victim as currently un UK law is not a rape victim? but instead be lumped in the same bracket as someone who was grouped in a bar / other sexaul crime?

(Sorry I AM NOT MINIMIZNG people getting there pesonal space violated but i just want to show that groping is Sexual assult so conisdered equally as bad as what m friend suffered)

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 01:39

My last post was very long winded, sorry Blush

But I will not stand by whilst people twist my words and accuse me of being a rape/sex crime apologist who doesn't give a shit about victims.

I care about all victims of any rape/assault/abuse. Often to the point where I wonder if I care too much because it's sometimes all I think about and have had sleepless nights because of it.

If anyone came to me for help then I would try to help, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman or a boy or a girl and regardless of who they had been abused/assaulted by.

Male on female sexual violence is a massive global epidemic so forgive me for making that my main focus.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 01:40

No one is advocating not supporting or encouraging all victims. That is not the point under discussion. That is about how rape is defined in English law.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 01:41

RTFT worrid. I have repeatedly stated that I support forced penetration with an object to be considered rape.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 01:42

All victims should have support but it's perfectly fine for the focus to be on women occasionally. Not everything has to be about men.

BorrowedHeart · 08/02/2017 01:42

Pretending that women do it too diminishes the nature of rape and it's effect on all women.

Hmm what?

worridmum · 08/02/2017 01:44

My bad venus but my point still stands all non consented sex should be classed as rape or that all non consented sex should be classed a sexual assult.

SuperBeagle · 08/02/2017 01:44

Being correct about the fact that the law does not need to make a distinction between rape and every other form of sexual assault does not make me goady, but I assume you just don't have a good argument against what I'm saying.

LoupGarou · 08/02/2017 01:45

When my gang rape was on trial (in the UK) the two men who used broken beer bottles to rape me because they couldn't get erections got much lighter sentences than those who had use their penises. Physiologically the damage they did me was much greater, but it was decided that they didn't rape me, they sexually assaulted me, hence the lighter sentences.

That is why I think laws need to abandon hang ups on terminology and look at acts and motivations instead.

user1477282676 · 08/02/2017 01:45

Isn't any penetration against one's will classed as rape? If a man put a foreign body in my vagina without my consent, I thought that was rape....so isn't it the same for a woman? I do think women should be able to be charged with rape.

If I held a man down and put a fake penis up his anus then I've raped him surely? Is it REALLY only sexual assault!?

ChocolateFuzz · 08/02/2017 01:46

Does anyone remember the thread recently of the woman annoyed that the police were using the term sexual assault instead of rape? Clearly the term is important to victims

user1477282676 · 08/02/2017 01:46

Cross Post Loup well...that's absolutly disgusting!! I can't believe it! I'm so sorry. Any man or woman penetrating someone against their will is rape.

DJBaggySmalls · 08/02/2017 01:47

worridmum
Sexual crimes are a group. Within it there are specific classifications.
There have to be to get a successful prosecution.

Go and learn how the criminal justice system works. Then decide how to proceed,