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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums never turned up!

89 replies

hungryhippo90 · 07/02/2017 09:38

My child's just started a new school, there's a group of the parents that I've become friendly with, despite my apparent social anxieties.

I was invited to go to breakfast with them this morning straight after drop off this morning,
I was ecstatic! Of course I said yes, /!; I was at the restaurant by 9:04.

The restaurant is a 3/4 minute walk from the school.
I've been sat here for half an hour, looking at the door, but it's dawned on me that no one is going to come.

I feel really embarrassed, I told the lady in the restaurant I was looking for a group of mums that I was supposed to be meeting, and that they were all probably sat down already so she knows I've been stood up too!

How do I navigate this?

OP posts:
Original poster
hungryhippo90 · 07/02/2017 10:19

I think it's settled then, I don't think I'm going to tell them that I sat there waiting, Ill just bring up this breakfast, and make sure that they have my phone number!

Madmags- 8 think most people think me a bit odd! I talk to everyone and anyone who will talk to me. Often rambling on about rubbish... I had a painful conversations with someone about us both having similar cars and every single detail about the car whether I liked it or not for about 15 minutes the other day. I think that the woman knew I was trying to be friendly, but it was odd. She went along with it, and the whole time I'm thinking, how do I stop this!? But my mouth kept going haha,

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 07/02/2017 10:23

Sadly a verrrrry long way..
Blast 😀

MadMags · 07/02/2017 10:27

hungry well, I think you sound lovely and it wouldn't bother me talking about your car because I would know you were trying to be friendly which is enough for me!

I think your plan to swap details is a very good one and remember: if that mum didn't like you or thought you were "odd" she wouldn't have asked you in the first place! :)

Solo · 07/02/2017 10:27

Toby Carvery's do breakfasts along those lines.

Just saying.

AnnieNeedsAMacBook · 07/02/2017 10:28

hungryhippo. Aww bless, you sound really sweet. I've had a few 'similar cars never ending conversations' over the years at the school gates. I'm not good at small talk, I usually feel pretty boring, so I'm happy if anyone else is yakking on about something, so don't worry. I gave up on thinking of 'school gate mums' as potential friends years ago, if it happens, it happens but I don't focus on it or let it bother me if it doesn't. I hope you can rearrange your breakfast though. Maybe ask the person you know/like best in the group if you got your wires crossed.

TheMaddHugger · 07/02/2017 10:29

(((((((((((Hugs hungryhippo90)))))))))))))

melj1213 · 07/02/2017 10:33

Maybe when you go to pick up tonight, if you see one of them bring it up, find out where the mix up happened, then swap numbers so that in future you can get hold of them there and then. There's loads of ways for the wires to have got crossed - wrong day/time/venue; two of the same chain at each end of a road, they're at one and you're at the other; they all agreed to meet at the school gates and went elsewhere, assuming you were busy and couldn't make it after all etcetc - so just treat it as an innocent mistake and plan something for a future morning.

"Oh BreakfastMum, I remembered you said the other day that a few of you were going for breakfast at BreakfastBuffetPlace this morning after pick up, so I stopped in on the way past but didn't see any of you. I figured I'd got the day or time wrong ... did I mis-remember the details? I would have called there and then but realised I didn't have anyone's numbers. How about swapping numbers and maybe we can arrange to go for coffee next week instead?"

MissDallas · 07/02/2017 10:37

This happened to me once. The other people got the name of the venue wrong and I sat there for ages, alone, at an enormous table. The waiting staff kept looking at me, it was excruciating.

Then I accidentally set fire to my menu just to add to the humiliation Sad.

I am sure it is just a breakdown in communication. Don't let it put you off socializing with people.

AnnPerkins · 07/02/2017 10:37

What a shame. Hopefully just a misunderstanding though.

melj1213's suggestion is good.

Where in Bedfordshire does one get this buffet breakfast? Just roughly if you don't want to be specific.

sadie9 · 07/02/2017 10:40

Things are going to be and feel 'clunky' when you are trying to make friends. So just accept it will feel like that at first. I know exactly what you mean about feeling you have blathered on to someone. Persevere with this anyhow, you might end up with at least one new friend. People who are already 'friends' can be very insular and just don't make the effort to talk to someone new, and it can come across as being 'unfriendly', but it's nothing to do with you personally. Just persevere, you have nothing to lose. You are no worse than anyone else. Just say you 'dropped in' to the cafe at some point, but there was no one there...

StickyMouse · 07/02/2017 10:40

Have breakfast there before you leave? then you can say to Breakfast Mum that ate breakfast there "recently" and it was great.

Melj1213 has worded a message very well, however if it was me I would sent a friendly message asking if I was in the wrong place/time?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/02/2017 10:41

I don't think I'll tell them I sat there waiting, I'll just bring up this breakfast.

Sounds messy Confused Grin

You'll look back on this and laugh I'm sure. You sound very friendly, you'll soon find another mum on your level.

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 07/02/2017 10:43

Then I accidentally set fire to my menu just to add to the humiliation sad.

Sorry butGrin

Oblomov17 · 07/02/2017 10:44

I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that I had gone, sat there like a lemon.... that should prompt the other mum to say "oh op, I'm so sorry, this happened, then x needed to change it because .... give me your phone number so ..."

unfortunateevents · 07/02/2017 10:50

OP, have you actually confirmed that you don't have any of their phone numbers??? I can't see that you have. If you have, why didn't you text someone?

RoboticSealpup · 07/02/2017 11:09

Then I accidentally set fire to my menu just to add to the humiliation

It seems like you can see the funny side now! Smile
It's weird how you can suddenly become super clumsy when you feel self-conscious, isn't it? I know a guy who is extremely socially awkward and he managed to fall off his chair during a meal once, for absolutely no discernible reason!

OP Just be 'breezy' about it and say you went in slightly late and saw nobody was there. You don't have to say you waited. I'm a bit socially awkward myself sometimes but I always put on this really easy-going persona to put others at ease. It also feels comforting to me, wearing a protective 'mask' around people I don't know that well...

ZaZathecat · 07/02/2017 11:35

A whole group of women couldn't be nasty enough to do this on purpose, so don't worry. An if they had you wouldn't really want them as friends.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/02/2017 11:39

Oh no, mabey a few coulden't go, so they postponed it and did not have your details to contact you. Nevermind, don't get disheartened.

diddl · 07/02/2017 11:40

The group of women you walked past, were you expecting them to be going?

If so why didn't you say something to them & they could have told you if you had the wrong day/place?

If it gets organised for another day you could use today as an ice breaker?

elfies · 07/02/2017 11:47

This is the kind of thing which happens to me too , Please don't overthink , it will be a genuine mistake x
((Hugs ))

herethereandeverywhere · 07/02/2017 11:51

Can you not just ask a general: "when was that breakfast/coffee we talked about supposed to be?"

You should get clarity and/or an apology. You can always say, "I thought I must have the date wrong so I just went back home" if they ask did you attend.

No need to reveal how emotional you feel about it. They'd never have suggested a breakfast meet up to you if they really didn't want you to go so get to the bottom of the mix up and move on.

Msqueen33 · 07/02/2017 13:13

Did you have a nice breakfast anyways? I suffer with social anxiety so a breakfast in peace is heaven for me. I'm sure there was a miscommunication somewhere as you sound lovely.

ShelaghTurner · 07/02/2017 13:23

Sounds like a mix up. Happened to me in the early days, I was sitting like a lemon in the wrong place. Luckily someone managed to find number from someone else and they got hold of me. It was fine, I felt like a tit, they laughed (in a nice way) and it broke the ice. I can't believe a whole group and a fundraiser at that, has stood you up.

Twistmeandturnme · 08/02/2017 09:25

OP; did you see them at pick up? Were you in the wrong place/on wrong day or had they changed the plan and not been able to let you know?

Hopefully all is well; it's a great ice breaker!

dowhatnow · 08/02/2017 09:34

Maybe most of them didn't know you were invited. Talk to the one who invited you.