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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at sister not eating at my house

79 replies

User72854 · 05/02/2017 21:47

My sister suffered from an egg allergy as a child. She doesn't seem to any more and it was never dangerous-an upset stomach generally. Today I went to a lot of effort to do a buffet for quite a few family members. There was quiche and coleslaw. My sister refused to eat anything even though she could see that these things weren't coming in to contact with any other food or cutlery. Then she asked me if it was safe to eat a cake that she herself brought - I.e had the knife that I took clean out of the drawer touched anything else. I just found it so rude and over the top when I had made the effort to cook (with 2 children under 3...).

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2017 21:49

Maybe she is having issues with egg, having a dodgy tummy is not fun, instead of thinking it's rude, maybe you could have tried talking to her about her allergy and it's impacts?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 05/02/2017 21:49

She doesn't seem to? So you don't actually know. YABVU. And it reads like a reverse. Surely no one is this idiotic?

EssentialHummus · 05/02/2017 21:50

It sounds like her allergy is alive and kicking.

reallyanotherone · 05/02/2017 21:51

If she doesn't want to eat, that's up to her. If you'd cooked specifically for her, maybe, but as a general buffet then leave her to it. you talk as if you've gone to so much effort for her, with small children and everything, but it's for "quite a few family members", so your effort will be appreciated.

SecretNutellaFix · 05/02/2017 21:54

It sounds like her childhood allergy is still present and cross contamination is a very real and serious concern for people with allergies.

I have a friend who is anaphylactic to milk- even touching it means she needs to use an epi-pen and get herself to hospital becasue she could die. admittedly that is a very extreme reaction but even milder reactions are unpleasant. Why are you be offended that she wants to make sure she won't be ill after a get-together? Does her being ill really not concern you at all?

Ohyesiam · 05/02/2017 21:55

People generally avoid food that they are allergic to. Is it that you think she should be less " showy " about it?
I bet your other family members enjoyed your food.

Original poster

User72854 · 05/02/2017 22:02

I guess it upset me as I felt I had done something wrong when I was careful about any issues with contamination. She herself said she hasn't had any issues since her teens so it bothered me more.

OP posts:

Fortifiedwithvitaminsandiron · 05/02/2017 22:04

YABVU. Her allergy, her responsibility. Despite your view of her allergy, or what you believe her situation is, you honestly think she should risk her own health just so you don't feel bad? You also don't seem to understand anything at all about cross contamination and allergen risks, which go way beyond what is happening with food 'right there and then'. Educate yourself, and accept she has to manage her own allergy in whatever way she is comfortable with.

ScarlettFreestone · 05/02/2017 22:06

Is this the first time you've ever cooked for her? Surely this must have come up before?

Excited101 · 05/02/2017 22:06

What's she like normally? Some people are just a bit 'like that'- my Dsis is one too. I've got no problems with people having allergies (obviously) but some do tend to make a big song and dance about it for other people's benefit. If she's not had any issues since her teens then she's being ridiculous ad attention seeking.

Fortifiedwithvitaminsandiron · 05/02/2017 22:06

Also, 'Not having any issues since her teens' is not the same thing as not being allergic to an allergen anymore. It doesn't mean you need to take less responsibility for yourself, which clearly, she is trying not to do.

Birdsgottaf1y · 05/02/2017 22:10

""She herself said she hasn't had any issues since her teens ""

Is that because she's been really careful, as she was at yours?

Can she afford time off work etc?

Would you eat something that could give you an upset stomach?

People that I know, with allergies can end up with diarrhoea, for days.

I think that you are taking it well too personally.

MadMags · 05/02/2017 22:12

Maybe she hasn't had any issues since her teens because she takes the necessary precautions.

Seriously, her safety trumps your delicate sensibilities about your food.

And I'm not sure what your having 2 children under three has to do with anything, tbh.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2017 22:15

I'd also assume she hasn't had any issues since her teens as she is managing it carefully. I can't see anything wrong with that, in fact it seems the correct thing to do.

GloriaGaynor · 05/02/2017 22:16

Quiche and coleslaw have egg unless you made the coleslaw without mayo, so surely cross contamination was the least of it?

VikingLady · 05/02/2017 22:16

"An upset stomach" allergy-wise generally means sickness and diarrhoea for several days, abdominal pain and bloating for even longer, sometimes pooing blood, and all the associated ills - aching joints, poor sleep, poor concentration, generally feeling shitty.

All you say she did was to ask you about possible contamination on a knife, and to not eat food put on a table with allergens (so high cross contamination risk).

Get over it. It's not about you.

ToastieRoastie · 05/02/2017 22:17

A family member has an egg allergy and she would absolutely ask the same questions as your sister.

Cross contamination can make her very ill. People helping themselves to food from a buffet won't be thinking about cross contamination. It's sensible that your sister checked that what she was eating was ok - perhaps she hasn't had issue since being a teenager precisely because she is careful?

I can only think this is a reverse, unless you're going to come out with a huge back story that justified you feeling cross.

GloriaGaynor · 05/02/2017 22:17

I don't have an egg allergy but they make me nauseous, I get a bit queasy just thinking about them.

Jaxhog · 05/02/2017 22:17

Why don't people take allergies seriously? I'm allergic to celery (major tummy upset), but lots of people seem to think it's ok to just take it out of the salad or whatever. It isn't. I may not need an epi pen, but my evening would be ruined. I no longer eat soup out, as it's such a nightmare.

You know she's allergic to egg, so be supportive. BTW, mayo has egg in it.

Northend77 · 05/02/2017 22:18

Yep, YABU, VU. It's very possible, as other PPs have pointed out, that she hasn't had any issues since her teens because she's been managing it very well. I have worked with people with different levels of allergies and I can imagine an egg allergy is a nightmare to manage

You do sound very sensitive and a bit precious TBH. You had other family members there who I'm sure really enjoyed it, but you are only bothered about your sister. You sound quite hard to please

ToastieRoastie · 05/02/2017 22:18

And also my family member is extra careful when visiting a house with young children - they're quite well known for poking fingers in food and a very good source of cross contamination.

Only1scoop · 05/02/2017 22:21

History of an allergy to eggs and she turns up to lunch.
Quiche and coleslaw

insan1tyscartching · 05/02/2017 22:22

I'm not very good at eating at other people's houses and I don't have any allergies so I'd be sympathetic to anyone who felt similar tbh. My dd has an allergy to fish and it causes anxiety when eating somewhere that you cannot be sure have taken the allergy seriously.
It sounds as if your dsis's allergy is significant and she is taking necessary precautions. In future you could ask if she would like to bring food with her or whether there is a particular item you can buy for her to eat at your home that you will keep unopened and leave her to serve herself.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2017 22:22

As you knew she had this allergy did you make sure to provide egg feee food for her? You only mention quiche and coleslaw, what else was in the buffet?

lalalalyra · 05/02/2017 22:23

Do you take extra special care when making food when your sister is coming? If you have always taken her allergy seriously, are absolutely meticulous when preparing food and can 100% say hand-on-heart that you made sure that no-one and nothing that had touched the quiche or the coleslaw touched any non-egg-containing foods then she's maybe a little OTT and I can understand you feeling a bit put out.

If you are like a lot of people that my DD encounters and think that no known episodes for a while equals having grown out of it and don't take extra care to ensure no cross contamination then yes, YABVU.

Not being life threatening and 'only' causing stomach issues does not mean it's not deeply unpleasant for her.

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