To be anxious about dd staying with mil?

[Realitea]

Dd is 6 and mil wants to have her overnight without me and dh. She would also be looking after her other grand child who's younger.
Dd is not a good sleeper and the other grand child and her wind each other up a lot. I'd rather not let her go alone as I don't think mil would cope and be able to keep an eye on them at all times as she'd be on her own. It's a big house with a lot of massive old furniture and I'm worrying myself silly imagining all the dangers with them getting up to no good together, climbing said furniture and it falling on them and just generally not being properly supervised.
Apparently I'm being a real stick in the mud about this.
Aibu?

My 74yr old Aunt babysits her 8 month old grandbaby over night not infirm just 74 but if you think the children will be to much then say so don't fret about what ifs just say to mil.

Oh don't let your dh make you out the bad guy in this

My daughter went to stay for a week with GPs in France when she was 3 and has done it regularly since (going again tomorrow for half term, she is now 6). One night doesn't seem unreasonable. I think this might be more about your anxiety than a rational assessment of the likely risks. Sorry OP.

Also other posters saying "you're the boss" as the mum - really?? Fathers don't count?? Come on! No one party gets to consistently overrule the other, surely?

I agree, we are both the boss and should agree on things before organising them. That's where it's one sided, he's organised this without even asking dd or myself how we feel about it. I imagine it's because dd and me have both said we don't feel comfortable with it before. Dd because she doesn't want us separated overnight and me probably because of anxiety more than anything.
I think dh knows knows how much mil wants to do it (still don't understand why dd has to be on her own rather than have us there) so her wants are taking over any other suggestions. Which isn't a new thing.

Apparently dd told them she wanted to do it while I wasn't there. I think we both need to ask her while both of us are there and if she wants to, I'll just go with it.

I don't understand why your dh would arrange this if he knows your dd doesn't want to go without you? That's really strange.

Grannys don't have to have dc over night yes it is lovely if they want to go and Gp are happy, but your dd doesn't really want to go i really wouldn't try and pursuade her. Saying that do you think your anxiety might be rubbing off on her

I think they probably talked her in to it and mil is pleased as it's what's she's wanted for a long time. I'm being accused of talking her out of it but that's not the case at all, mil has even asked her in front of me before and dd has said no!

No I don't think it's my thoughts rubbing off on her I think it's more that she's very attached to us and has never been separated before. Dh says well isn't it time she did? I don't really see the need for it though. Not if no one really wants to?

I find it odd that your dd says "no" only when you're there. You don't have to say anything to her for her to read your emotions. I bet she feels scared of saying "yes" as it will upset you.

At what age would you think it suitable to be separated? When she leaves for university? I think you are already passing your anxieties on to her if she only says no in your presence. You should be encouraging some independence. And if the younger child has been staying with MIL without mishap, then surely MIL can't be that incapable

She is only 6 she doesn't need to do go and stay if she doesnt want to maybe your husband thinks she is clingy or something but forcing it will ime make it worse, one of my Dds hated staying away from home we had to build up to her staying at her Gp

Mil asked her in front of me and she said no it was nothing i said or did, it was out of the blue! It's happened a few times. And actually she replied she wanted her big either there too as they are inseparable (he's a lot older and isn't going)
This was last year and now mil has brought it up again while I wasn't there.
I'm starting to think it wouldn't be that bad as long as she says she wants to without any prompting.
Personally I think dh should at least go too but I don't know what his thoughts are now since he lost his rag with me this morning!

Either should say 'brother' sorry

I would not allow her to go - I'd be very concerned and also angry if my DH tried to arrange something like this behind my back for our DCs (which he never would) - especially if the DC doesn't want to go.
Put your daughters interests and welfare first, and if you don't feel comfortable with her going, don't go ahead with it.
Why would you put your DD through something like that, that is supposed to be enjoyable, if she doesn't want to - it's an unnecessary stress on both of you.
There is no need for her to "separate" from you at this young age. I don't understand why it would benefit her if she's not ready.
Also - if my MIL was pushing to have DC to stay on their own, if it wasn't something they were very keen to do themselves, it would hugely annoy me and would not make me inclined to allow it to happen - Grandparents do not have "rights" over Grandchildren.

I think there are two separate issues:

Your anxiety - are you seeking any help for this? It may not be the case right now but, at some point, your DD is going to want to have more independence from you and you need to be ready for that and able to give that to her. That is part of being a good parent.

Your DD and whether she is ready for this particular thing - I have no idea if she's ready for it, you and your DH know her best and need to figure that out. I would be very very careful to make sure that you're not influencing her through your feelings. As an example, my DM is scared of rollercoasters and told everyone when I was a child that I was too - looking back, I don't think I actually was at all but I am a bit nervous of them now because she put her fears on to me.

'Can I have a sleepover?'
'Nope'

If you'd feel better with your six-year-old at home, don't let her go to stay.

I hate this pressure to overnight that comes from GPS. It is some sort of obsession with some. Your Dd will make the move into separation when she is ready. My worry would that MiL will not tell you if she was anxious or upset. Just pretend all was fine.It seems that of three adults in this situation only one is putting the child first. I would say to DH ask her again in 6 months time. Although ours are frequent stayers they do have occasional homesickness. It is too far to return them the same night but we keep our promise to return them the next morning if they still want to go.

OP why isn't her brother included in this sleepover? Why not as a compromise ask that MIL looks after your children in your own home, and you and DH book a night away somewhere?

Although to be honest I don't really understand the obsession your MIL has with having your daughter overnight alone. It sounds like it's going to be logistically quite tricky with her living some way away and serves no real purpose!

Yeah why is her brother not invited

DS has to work as he's older.
BirdInTheRoom, mil has only just left our house after looking after ds and dd for a week on her own! I agree with you I don't understand the obsession either. It makes no sense at all especially as dh will be staying the first night, drive home, then drive back there again to pick her up.
DH now says he feels it's important 'character building' for her.
I think the only person putting dd first is me.