To be pissed off that I have a family of grazers who eat nothing but shit.

[YoureNotCockingHungry]

Sorry for the rambly post- trying not to drip feed.

I'm no angel. I eat as much pap as everyone else. I haven't eaten gluten for 20 years having been diagnosed with an intolerance so bread, cakes, biscuits, convenience foods are limited for me.

I have two dc who are easy- they eat whatever I cook and will drink water in between meals. I have one dc who is a nightmare and very fussy- please don't tell me to withhold food from her because she actually will starve herself and had to go to hospital and be put on an IV drip rather that eat food that had moisture in.

The problem is dh he gives in to my fussy dc. He goes out and does a separate shop for them- crisps X36 packets a week, mulripackets of biscuits, salty snacks-and in between 3 square meals he grazes on this stuff constantly- I only noticed this when he started working from home a year ago.

My dc has gone downhill- she's have dental isssues to due poor diet, she's constantly dehydrated and the whinging is unbelievable, she struggles at school and leaves in tears because she's so famished (she leaves 70% of her packed lunch untouched) I'm at the end of my tether. It took me YEARS to get her to the point of eating a healthy balanced diet and now honestly it's all gone to shit.

Sorry to be such a whiney cowbag- just spent two hours cooking to have to put half of it in the bin when I know I'm 45 minutes dh and DC will be gorging on crisps, pepperamis and chocolate.

Dh- If ever he's in charge of the DC NEVER cooks it's always takeout -

For the interests of clarity I could be wrong but I'm not a shit cook. I cook regularly for friends and neighbours .

Oh I feel a bit better now

Your dc are probably suffering from malnutrition because of their poor diet. Would explaining that to your DH make him understand the damage he is doing to your dc?

He sounds awful, although it sounds as though he has food issues himself

Does he realise he's fat and unhealthy himself?

dataandspot you don't think 9 packets of crisps a week is bad??

This is disordered eating.

Imagine an alcoholic in denial.

He'll pour himself a drink and then persuade, cajole, guilt trip, pester, badger and then, outright goad people into having a drink with him so that he doesn't drink alone.

This is the same thing. Fishing junk food out of the bin, hiding junk food and effectively forcing it on the kids.

This is unacceptable. Have it out with him and be prepared to leave with the children.

He's actively killing himself and he's trying to take the children with him.

I'm going to suggest a few things, I know you have probably tried them all but it's worth suggesting in case there is something you haven't thought of

Making healthy versions of takeaways
Get the kids involved in cooking at the weekend, let them come up with ideas for what they want to make
Let them see you properly get upset about your food being thrown away, don't hide it
Invite friends round who are good eaters and praise them and thank them for eating what you make

Could you put them on school dinners, they are more likely to eat what their friends do and even things like cake are healthier than they look. They should eat more which will cut down their hunger for snacks after school, and they may feel satisfied by their junk at lunchtime (not as bad as they will think) and make better choices later

I would let them serve themselves at meals, I know it's not solving the actual problem but at least anything that isn't eaten can be used the following day for your lunch or frozen for another night

Thank you tellme
I'm sorry I've tried them all.

School lunches weren't touched- a mid day supervisor was very strict with my Dd and she was made to stay behind during play- I got a call from the head teacher because Dd ate food that she didn't like an d immediately vomited. That wasn't a great day.

We've done healthy home cooked chicken/cheese/fish burgers , fries- home made thick milkshakes, curries, Chinese- all turned down- in bin.

Ten minutes later crisps, chocolates, biscuits

I cook regularly for friends, family. The only thing that makes me happy regarding food is dc's friends coming up to me in the playground and begging (jokingly) me to make them bread, pastries, banana loaf and curries .

I'm cooking Mexican chicken wraps and wondering if instead I just get a credit card and piss off somewhere for ten days. Meh.

I'm going to say something tonight.

I'm going to suggest dh works away again. Best thing I can think of right now. Then it's back to my rules.

I have to ask - why do you bin all the food that isn't eaten? Can't you save it for later?

They cover it in sauce tomato sauce of mix it all up on their plates.

I don't mean to sound daft but that doesn't get put into Tupperware for the next day - they won't eat it as it is, if it's been slopped from someone else's plate- I'll let you figure out the rest. I rarely make too much except for me-I'll batch cook.

There's very little stuff that I eat that they will touch. I make loads of bean/grain/veg salads dressed that can stay in the fridge for days. I know you're supposed to graze on healthy stuff ideally but I'm a three square meals kind of person with some veg,nuts, fruit in between

Youre - are you at home today, can you make some calls to eating disorder charities and talk this through and get some advice? Is it just DH and one of your DCs that are in this position?

I mean, sometimes we all eat rubbish and often we feel bad afterwards, but its this "normalising" that's worrying - your DH seems to have no self awareness at all, and is making it look like he's the sensible one?

Let us know how it goes with your DH tonight, OP.

If he refuses to change you'll have to bypass him and teach your DC to make healthy choices despite the crap in the cupboards. Difficult! An eating disorders specialist may be able to help them even if your DH refuses to engage.

Fuck me, I'd be beside myself too, op. Your dh is actively damaging your child and doesn't seem fussed. Meanwhile you're painted out as the "bad guy". I genuinely have no advice. Sorry you're dealing with this!

I'm with gingernought on this one.
Is he bored with work and eating to fill the gaps?
I bet that if you were to tot up the amount of sugar and consumed in the week and have 15 bags of sugar and a bottle of vegetable oil on the table that might help make him realise that actual quantities of shite being consumed, but he can only accept help (& he does need help) if he admits he's got a problem - this seems to be your biggest battle.
Good luck, OP

There's a girl like this at dds school in yr6. She's very obese, perhaps even morbidly obese. Poor girl. The mother actively boasts apparently that they get lots of takeaway as she hates cooking and other people have seen her buy and eat large packs of sweets. I have very little respect for this mother.

I feel terribly sorry for your children. Your dh is in denial because he doesn't want to confront the situation. If he doesn't want to change his diet, fine. But he doesn't get to treat you like shit and make these call with your kids. That's your job seeing as you're the only grown up in the room. He can be try to be Disney dad all he wants. But not with food.

A mum at school handed out adult magnum ice creams to each of her kids. For breakfast. They are all fat. She also smokes with kids in car. I know we are "not supposed to judge" but really...

OP, you need relationship counselling. I imagine your crap husband will laugh in your face and refuse to go.

When that happens book yourself a regular session. With work you'll come to clarity about how to manage this situation and how to speak to your husband about how serious this issue is.

It's not just the food, it's his crap parenting, undermining and refusing to talk properly about it.

I'm mocked for eating grains and whole foods I have no choice - Your DH mocks you because you have a gluten intolerance and eat healthily?!

This is not what a healthy, respectful partnership is like, sorry OP. I'm amazed you've stood it for so long.

Crap husband, crap parent who doesn't care what he's doing to his dc.

I'm never sure why we are not supposed to judge. Some things are just wrong, aren't they.

Someone I know wrote her car off drink driving on the motorway. Now she has no car. She could have killed someone. Am I not supposed to judge that?

(I do judge. I judge her behaviour and I judge her.)

Smoking with children in the car is illegal. Drink driving is illegal. I don't understand what is wrong with stating the actions of these people are wrong. An actual judge would pass judgment on them. So why not the general public? We aren't talking about tarring and feathering. KERALA you judged me on another thread for not being able to answer an invite in a timely manner because I'm a chronically ill person and you were most unkind. Really I don't get it.

What! I am unkind for thinking it's rude to not respond to invitations?! I fear you will find I am not the only person who holds that opinion...

Have I slipped into a weird wormhole?

KERALA reread what I said about not being able to stand up. About falling over in my entrance hall. I didn't say I didn't respond just not as promptly as you deemed appropriate. The excuse I couldn't look after my child clearly wasn't good enough.

Packet of crisps anyone?

Snacking is of the devil.
Yanbu