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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16yr old dd wants to go to a festival

105 replies

dalmatianmad · 05/02/2017 12:11

Hello all, would appreciate your thoughts please!
Dd is 16 next month, she wants to attend the Y not festival which is fairly local to us in Derbyshire. She wants to go with her friend, similar age.

They want to camp all weekend, I've checked the website and it states that 16 years and over are accepted without an adult.

I feel so uneasy and don't think she should go, she's far too young. she's been in touch with her dad and he's agreed to pay for her ticket.

Apparently the other mum is ok with it all.
Makes me look like the mum that doesn't let her kids do anything!!

What do you reckon???

OP posts:
Emboo19 · 05/02/2017 13:31

The posters worrying about taxis, do taxis suddenly become safe at 18? Or do you never use a taxi?
A good tip that was promoted around me, was as you get in a taxi, take a photo of the driver and send it to a parent/friend. If he/she isn't happy you doing so, don't get in!
I also found, knowing I had to make my own way home, made me more careful with how drunk I got and with how much I spent. Which are both good things to be aware of.

Mamabear14 · 05/02/2017 13:31

Is it download she wants to go to? I have been a few times, honestly she will be FINE. Yes you get the usual festival behaviour, but I have to say it's the place I've seen the folk who go look after people who are struggling with crowds/excess alcohol most. Just stay away from the pits. I only saw drugs (other than weed) once in all the time I was there.

Mamabear14 · 05/02/2017 13:33

They also do quiet camping tickets, which might be better for her first time, you tend to get less rowdiness in those.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 05/02/2017 13:37

I toddled off to Glastonbury with a friend after GCSEs (I'd just turned 16), on the train from Yorkshire for five days and we were absolutely fine.

27 years ago, it was a much smaller affair then, but the drugs were better in those days!

Rumtopf · 05/02/2017 13:39

I wouldn't have an issue with my dd (14) going but then she's been coming with us for the last 6 years so is familiar. Could you do a family one beforehand with her (Bearded Theory is good and not too big) so she would be more comfortable?

BeyondCanSeeTheEmperorsBellend · 05/02/2017 13:42

Download? If so, definitely let her - its much more chilled and friendly than first impressions would give you
(And I go every year Grin )

fatbottomgirl67 · 05/02/2017 13:55

Oh I had this last year. Dd1 was 16 and wanted to go to V fest. Not the most street wise of kids do i was reslly wprried. She went with a group of 5 other girls. I felt sick with worry but she had a ball. Worst thing that happened was someone nicking their tent pwgs and it colasping in the night. Did set out loads of ground rules about staying in a group, not excepting drinks from strangers etc .. but it is a right of passage and they need to do it. Good luck

CurlsandCurves · 05/02/2017 14:14

I live near Y Not festival and went last year. Round where we live it very much seems to be a rite of passage to go to YNot around 16-18yrs of age.

I'd let DS go at that age but he's a scout and is a very experienced camper and used to going off for the weekend, albeit with the rest of the scout group! What I mean is he's really independent already at almost 12.

There's plenty of time before the summer to help her get used to being a bit more independent. And it's not like she's going across the country, you can always go and get her if she doesn't like it.

CurlsandCurves · 05/02/2017 14:15

Could they camp in the family area? So it's not so crazy at night.

lolarosea · 05/02/2017 14:22

I went to Y not at 16 (end of year 12) and it was very tame. I've been to leeds festival 3 times since and the two are worlds apart.

I wouldn't worry much about her getting in trouble if shes generally sensible. People tend to leave others alone anyway

Badhairday1001 · 05/02/2017 14:26

I went to Glastonbury for the first time when I was 16, I had a great time and my parents never found out what I got up to. My son who is also in year 11 and will be 16 in the summer wants to go to a few festivals this year and I think it's a good thing. I have had some of the best times of my life at festivals.

fj3568 · 05/02/2017 14:53

I didn't let my just 16 year old camp at reading. She went to V this year at just 17. She found it challenging- tent collapsed, she was wet and cold, her friend was a nightmare and she ended up coming back Sunday night instead of mon morning. She was running out of battery so couldn't arrange for me to pick her up anywhere and had a horrible journey home across London on the train and night bus. One of those rare situations when she realised she really needed her mum and I had a point about maturity to deal with situations

AnotherUsedName13 · 05/02/2017 15:36

I went to my first festival aged 16 - it's the right time to do it, I think, and it's also a good idea to encourage your kids to start becoming a bit more independent when they're young so they can take baby steps and experiment with a safety net behind them, instead of just jumping in the deep end when they get to university.

And if it's local and she's got her mobile, she can always give you a call if something goes wrong. Maybe get her to take an extra battery pack charger thing just in case? But she should be fine.

Eve · 05/02/2017 15:42

I let my just 16 year old go to reading a few years ago with a group. He was fine , and he was under strict instructions to keep an eye on the girls in the group and what to look out for.

But my DS is very sensible and has his own opinions, he's doesn't drink alcohol, and is level headed. They were offered drugs but easy to say no to and went into the quieter camping areas. Security is quite heavy at reading and camping area has a few towers with security guards watching for fires, fights etc.

At 18 he's now outgrown reading and it's boomtown this year! Plus trying to negotiate to go to boardmasters - 5 teenagers driving 8 hours in a car- no way! More worried about car accidents than festivals.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 05/02/2017 15:47

I don't think YABU, just a bit anxious, but most 16 year olds would be fine at a festival.

I don't really think any of us can give you the right answer. My friends and I were all going to festivals at 16, but we were quite a mature group of kids and pretty streetwise. There was also a bit of safety in numbers because there were loads of us. If you think your DD is a very young 16, not savvy and quite naïve then perhaps she is not ready for the festival this time. You need to try and look at it objectively as if you were advising a friend. Try not to let your anxiety get in the way (easier said than done, I know) and think about it completely rationally. Can you ask a friend IRL for advice? Someone who knows your DD?

notquiteruralbliss · 05/02/2017 15:48

16 is the perfect age for a first festival with friends. And you are nearby.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/02/2017 16:04

I have never understood the appeal of festivals. It's muddy, theres awful toilet "provisions", no showers, people get drunk, vomit, people piss in cups and throw it, it's crowded and rowdy and loud and with plenty of people trying to push drugs and sex. It's basically a great heaving mess of bodily fluids and really unhygienic.
Just because they allow in 16 year olds unaccompanied, i think it's way too young. Imo they should ban under 18's, given the sheer amount and availability of alcohol those too young to drink shouldn't be allowed in.

I'd absolutely be the "evil, restricting, no sense of fun parent" in this case and say no. Her dad absolutely should not have given permission and offered to pay without discussing this with you first and i'd be seriously pissed off with him. Her friends parents giving permission is also irrelevant, this is YOUR child and you are the parent. Will she try to sneak out and go anyway, like trying to wangle staying at her dads that weekend knowing he'll let her go? Most probably, but that doesn't mean you can't say no and try to stop her going.

alfagirl73 · 05/02/2017 16:30

I would let her go; it sounds like it's not too far from you. Just make sure she's as prepared as possible and knows she can call you if it gets too much and she wants to come home. The best way for her to experience a bit of freedom is with her always knowing she can come home if she wants/needs to. My nephew went to T in the Park at 16 - he called my sister on the Saturday night and she went and picked him up - no judgment, no criticism, just did it. He's now 21 and a very mature and responsible young man.

Most festival type tents are pop up efforts, I doubt she will need advanced tent pitching skills. Let her go and get some life experience.

BeyondUnderthinking · 05/02/2017 17:12

"Imo they should ban under 18's"

Give you an idea of how safe it is OP (if it is download)
I'm hopefully taking my five and six year olds this year :)

user1477282676 · 05/02/2017 20:48

Beyond but don't they have a family field for that? A 6 year old with parents is completely different to a 16 year old alone.

PantyLiner · 05/02/2017 20:59

I think I would be a bit anxious if my just 16 year old wanted to go to a festival with just one friend tbh. I'm not sure why as she has been to overnight parties at friends houses (parent have assured me that boys and girls will be kept separate at night. I guess we can only take their word on that). For me I think its probably more the distance (there are no festivals near our home town) plus 2 teen girls could be vulnerable? I would prefer to see a group of teens (boys and girls) going together rather than just two girls - if that makes sense??

Can your dd be relied on to keep in contact with you OP? My dd drives me bloody mad as she lives on her phone, yet whenever I try to contact her there is no reply! But I guess if she was in difficulty or uncomfortable with anything she would call me or her dad.

I think maybe what I would do is allow her to go. Book myself and hubby into a nearby hotel so we would be closer if there was to be a problem. And see how it goes.

frenchfancy · 05/02/2017 21:07

Yanbu. I am amazed at how relaxed people are about 16 year olds getting drunk and doing drugs. I said no to festivals at 16 and I wasn't the only mum by a long shot.

SellFridges · 05/02/2017 21:13

I'd allow this, and was allowed to do this.

Besy advice I got about festivals was from the Glastonbury leaflet in 1998. It said that if you're not used to doing something, then a festival is not the place to start. Applies to pretty much everything. Sex. Drugs. Moshing.

Crumbs1 · 05/02/2017 21:18

No, no and definitely no. Alcohol in uncontrolled quantities, drugs, lots of young people you don't know. I would say time enough when they are adults until then parental responsibility is impossible at festivals unless parents go too.

Andrewofgg · 05/02/2017 21:26

If you say Yes, mean it and don't go too. If you don't want to let her go with her friend say No. Above all don't say Yes and go too without telling her - that way lies complete loss of trust.