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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16yr old dd wants to go to a festival

105 replies

dalmatianmad · 05/02/2017 12:11

Hello all, would appreciate your thoughts please!
Dd is 16 next month, she wants to attend the Y not festival which is fairly local to us in Derbyshire. She wants to go with her friend, similar age.

They want to camp all weekend, I've checked the website and it states that 16 years and over are accepted without an adult.

I feel so uneasy and don't think she should go, she's far too young. she's been in touch with her dad and he's agreed to pay for her ticket.

Apparently the other mum is ok with it all.
Makes me look like the mum that doesn't let her kids do anything!!

What do you reckon???

OP posts:
barinatxe · 05/02/2017 12:30

She'll almost certainly get drunk, quite possibly have a sexual encounter with a complete stranger and may well take an illicit drug or two. Teenagers like festivals because they are freed from normal life for a weekend, can do pretty much what they like without fear of parental disapproval and feel that whatever they do has no consequences (not necessarily true!).

She is old enough to leave home, but that doesn't mean she's grown up. It's your call as to whether she is mature enough for you to "let her" go to the festival, but if she is truly determined to go there will not be much you can do about it (assuming she can get the money to pay for it).

NerrSnerr · 05/02/2017 12:30

She has to grow up sometime. Putting up a tent will be fine, they'll figure it out. She'll get food from the burger vans.

Original poster
dalmatianmad · 05/02/2017 12:30

I don't have any intention of going with them!

I'm an A+E sister and have looked after many patients with drug associated problems over the years from that particular festival.

My job involves safeguarding so makes me anxious about my dc, I opt to pick her up because I wouldn't have her alone in a taxi etc. I see some of the worse things at work, I can't help feeling this anxious Blush

OP posts:
Magzmarsh · 05/02/2017 12:31

My dd went to T in the Park and Wicker Man when she was 16 and 17 respectively. Came to no harm. They have to start somewhere .

DJBaggySmalls · 05/02/2017 12:32

Get her to put up the tent in the garden a few times, and sleep out there.
If she still wants to go then put some ground rules in place such as stick together and look out for each other, and make sure she knows how to use a mobile phone to call for help.

Chocolateorangegoblin · 05/02/2017 12:34

Could she go for the day or even the two days but not camp? I went to The in the park for the day at 16 it was fine and fun getting the coach there etc. But I wouldn't want her to camp at that age. I did camp age 17 though but 15 seems too young IMO.

Chocolateorangegoblin · 05/02/2017 12:35

T* in the park, stupid autocorrect!

WineIsMyMainVice · 05/02/2017 12:36

Why don't you go along too? Take a friend, camp nearby but not right on top of them.... You might have some fun!

kath6144 · 05/02/2017 12:37

user - I would have probably thought no way when my DD was 12, but the difference between a 12yo and a 16yo is stark, as you will find over the next 4yrs. Plus when their friends are all going, it is difficult to say no. You are almost saying, I dont trust you to be sensible.

Sometimes you have to let them do things, show them you trust them, and if something goes pear shaped the Op is close to hand anyway.

As others have said, she could be married at 16, and 2 yrs later be off at uni, with you not having the foggiest idea what they are doing.

Magzmarsh · 05/02/2017 12:37

I think when people have jobs like you that see the worst of things they become more protective of their dc.

I have friends who work in the prison service and police and they have a tendency to be a bit stifling.

Not criticising you op, it's understandable.

kali110 · 05/02/2017 12:38

My parents were very overprotective but still let me go at 16.
( heavy metal festival). I was fine!

ExplodingCarrots · 05/02/2017 12:39

Went to reading at 16 (end of year 11). I was fine. My mum trusted me. I can understand your worries though. Start giving her a bit more independence and let her prove she can be sensible.

acquiescence · 05/02/2017 12:43

Yabu to be worried and co siding not letting her go.
I have been to this festival,it is small and friendly and mostly teenagers. They are very strict on drugs (my friend was searched by police and a sniffer dog!) and won't serve under age. You can't take your own booze into the actual festival.

At 16 I went to Newquay for a week in a caravan with approximately 40 others. There was much drinking and drugs, everyone was fine. I think teenagers nowadays don't drink/do drugs as much as 20 years ago.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 05/02/2017 12:43

I think it's fine. I did it at 16. There will be loads of kids that age there. She'll have an amazing time.

Original poster
dalmatianmad · 05/02/2017 12:45

Thanks for all your replies so far, I honestly thought everyone would agree with me that she's too young. I do appreciate everyone's input.

I do suffer with anxiety, I see some of the most horrendous things at work and it's made me so protective of my dc. I just wanna keep them safe!

Be back later, youngest want taking somewhere Grin

Thanks all xx

OP posts:
titchy · 05/02/2017 12:48

I opt to pick her up because I wouldn't have her alone in a taxi etc. I see some of the worse things at work, I can't help feeling this anxious

Tbh this is probably making her more vulnerable as she isn't learning about how to recognise and deal with dodgy situations. If she's never got in a taxi by herself and learned what a normal taxi ride is like, she won't recognise what a dodgy taxi is.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/02/2017 12:50

can't imagine she would be able to put a tent up and fend for herself all weekend.

Surely an inability to peg a tent means she'll likely be home before you've had a chance to put your feet up miss her?

SuperFlyHigh · 05/02/2017 12:50

I think she'll be fine.

Aren't there one man tents that don't require pegs etc and literally go up by themselves? Get one of those!

Maybe before this festival a good ploy would be for her to go to an all dayer local festival if she's not used to them.

Ensure she knows exactly how it works as an overnight festival goer (eg rarely showers or not decent ones etc!) and I'm sure she'll be fine.

Crankycunt · 05/02/2017 12:59

I live in a festival town, every summer for three days it's overtaken by kids who have finished their GCSE'S and A-levels, for a massive, massive festival the crime rate is tiny.

There are stewards, and security everywhere. There are people to help.

She's 16, it's a right of passage, she's not going alone. Just get her to research what to take to festivals, so nothing of value, nothing that she does nominated getting ruined by mud.

She'll have a fantastic time, and because it is close to home, if it gets too much she can contact home, or go home for a shower.

If it's anything like the festival where I live, expect festival flu, trench foot, and a stinky dd in much need of a hot bath Grin

PortiaCastis · 05/02/2017 12:59

How is she going to grow up if you baby her ????

CactusFred · 05/02/2017 13:02

I went to Reading Festival at 16 which is over 100 miles away from home with a friend... and lied to my mum about where I was because she'd said no to a different one.

I was fine but now I'm a parent myself I dread my ds doing this without me knowing.

Better she goes with permission than without and you can plan for it.

theredjellybean · 05/02/2017 13:06

Hi...i do not think you are being unreasonable, and think all the replies 'oh she will be fine' are a unhelpful.
You are her mother and you know her better than a bunch of other mothers on the internet...and there are worlds of differences between 16 yr olds.
My dd 1 ( now a fully grown up adult -apparently) went to her first festivals aged 12/13 with her father in tow ...he in separate to tent to her and her friends ...and then aged 16 she went to a few festivals with her father going aswell but camping veyr very separate from her and her friends ....and they were 'nice' festivals such as wilderness...
she then graduated to V and reading etc on her own aged 17 ...
I worried , though she was good kid, relatively sensible etc , she also liked to drink ( they all do and so did i at that age) but this can lead to unwise decisions, and in our day there was not the internet to have all those unwise things published on.
SO we talked a lot about this issue , about how having fun/freedom etc and making mistakes is ok, and part of growing up BUT to remember that it can be plastered all over facebook or wherever....and that in many ways is more damaging to them then the odd misjudged sexual encounter etc.
I would say don't say no but don't say yes ...a few chats about keeping safe, tecniques for fending off unwanted advances, play out some scenarios ...'what would you do if...your friend goes off with a bloke...you get lost...you feel scared/threatened...you are offered drinks/drugs by older blokes ' etc.
you can then judge how ready you feel she is.
in the end they do have to go off and try out the big bad world it is your job as her mother to try and prepare her for these things ...
in the end she will probably be fine and have a fab time

SparklesandBangs · 05/02/2017 13:10

DD1 went 2 years ago at the age of 18, at this time DD2 was just 16 (my summer baby) and had just finished her GCSEs she didn't ask to go but if she had I would have had to think very hard before letting her. This was for Reading and we live the other side of London.
DD2 went last year at just 17 - Y12 and I didn't have to think twice before saying yes.
IMO - y11 leavers are too young
Until the passed their driving test or left for uni we have always driven them everywhere as I don't trust taxis and we are a good walk away from public transport. This is just the same as DH collecting me after a night out. Howvever they do go in and out of London on their own/with friends.

Tigger1986 · 05/02/2017 13:13

Definitely let her go. No doubt there will be someone in the group that's handy with a tent (we practised putting it up before we went) and if not there will be hundreds of others willing to help. I understand you're worried as alcohol and drugs are around at festivals no matter what but they are also at parties and anywhere else... Let her go but on the proviso she texts you regularly and keeps your mind at rest. I didn't go to my first festival til I was nearly 21 and I so wished I had gone earlier! My dad is a policeman so would always worry about me on nights out underage as he had seen first hand all kinds of trouble but I was honest about it and said well if you're that worried give me a lift home Grin

Emboo19 · 05/02/2017 13:26

Leeds fest is pretty much a right of passage when finishing gcse's where I went to school!
Everyone pretty much sticks together as it's new for the majority, and all camp near each other, see the same bands etc!

I don't believe it's age that makes us grow up, it's life experiences. She won't turn 18 and suddenly become a mature adult who can be trusted to go to festivals/clubs. But at 18 you'll have absolutely no control over her doing so!
Let her go! With conditions and a very frank talk about the dangers and your expectations of her.
At 16, I'd done festivals, clubs, weekends away and a week in Ibiza with my boyfriend and his friends!! My parents are super relaxed though!