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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mother in law - Kept sssssshhhhhing the children

64 replies

3sonyesiknow · 04/02/2017 21:39

I have 3 sons. My mother in law lives 4 hours drive away. I went up recently (on my own) for the weekend and she spent the whole time telling my children to sssshhhh. I get that she lives in a top floor flat and was worried about her neighbours hearing them run around / playing. What can I do? I want to tell her to suck it up and if we visit they will make noise! I took them out for walks and to the park as much as I possibly could. She even restrained my 2 year old son to stop him being too loud. :-( As I have sons myself I want to show them that both sets of grandparents are equally important but it is so hard when we are constantly sssshhhhed! I don't fancy being in a hotel with the kids not to mention the cost. Help!

OP posts:
Champagneformyrealfriends · 04/02/2017 21:40

Are they unusually loud?

MommaGee · 04/02/2017 21:41

Depends on how noisy they were tbh. Is she in social housing? All oldies there? Did you talk to her about it?

LatteLady · 04/02/2017 21:43

How old is your MiL? Are your boys noisy? Sometimes you don't realise when you spend most of your time with them.

Perhaps have her stay with you next time as visiting relatives as a child is tedious and boring,,, Actually the same could be said as an adult!

Topseyt · 04/02/2017 21:47

How rowdy and noisy were they being?

I get that it is very difficult, but in a top floor flat you really do need to keep some measure of control on it because it can resound throughout the building.

Crumbs1 · 04/02/2017 21:52

Children need to learn to be quiet sometimes.

missyB1 · 04/02/2017 21:53

Get her to come to you next time, it sounds too stressful visiting her there.

JennyOnAPlate · 04/02/2017 21:55

Maybe you should be telling your children to keep the noise down so she doesn't have to?

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 21:56

There was a thread this week where the OP who lived in a downstairs flat complained about the guy abovd putting his shoes on at 7am weekday to go to work. Apparently his shoe wearing woke her entire household up. She did tell him to not put his shoes on till he left but he refused.

So if your mil has a downstairs neighbour like that i cant blame her for shushing.

Trifleorbust · 04/02/2017 21:56

Do you think they should never be told to sssh, or they should only be told by you, or they should only be told by her when they are being exceptionally noisy? It's not totally clear what you are objecting to.

fabulous01 · 04/02/2017 21:56

Different generations.
Mine do the same with some things. Either accept it or don't go as often and get them to visit you

Original poster
3sonyesiknow · 04/02/2017 21:57

They are 6, 3 and 0. Yes, it is social housing. They aren't rowdy, just pushing card along the floor etc.

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 04/02/2017 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eurochick · 04/02/2017 21:59

You might just not notice the noise level any more. I have one friend whose children are noticeably louder than any other families I socialise with. They are lovely kids but I feel sorry for the neighbours! It sounds like your mil is just trying to be considerate to her neighbours. You can't do that much about the 2 year old but you can prep older kid de before future visits.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 04/02/2017 22:00

How old are the other two?

I don't really think they should be "running around" in someone else's home (particularly a flat), although obv a 2 yr old can be hard to stop.

But it's hard to say without actually being there.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 04/02/2017 22:03

They are 6, 3 and 0.

One of them was 2 a minute ago? Confused

Yes, it is social housing. They aren't rowdy, just pushing card along the floor etc.

So they weren't running around? What kind of flooring does she have? Maybe she's had a complaint after a previous visit and is now a bit antsy.

MommaGee · 04/02/2017 22:06

Ha was just gonna ask about flooring

Camelsinthegobi · 04/02/2017 22:07

It's can't make for an easy visit. So I just wouldn't visit, certainly not without your DH to help in distracting/taking out etc.

BakeOffBiscuits · 04/02/2017 22:08

She even retrained my 2 year old son to stop him being too loud

I'd be highly delighted if someone managed to get my 2 yo to stop being "too loud".

Jaxhog · 04/02/2017 22:08

Could you just ask her?

peukpokicuzo · 04/02/2017 22:10

My granny lived in a top floor flat and visiting her was constantly about being shhh'd. It didn't traumatise us. Being as quiet as possible has different definitions when you are 2, when you are 5 and when you are 15 obviously.

PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2017 22:10

Sometimes people become a little blind to how loud their children are. Noise really travels through some flats. Maybe she's had neighbours conplaining before.

Original poster
3sonyesiknow · 04/02/2017 22:11

Crikey! Don't worry about it. :-/ Just wanted to be nice and visit her and was really upset at her response after such a long journey. :-(

OP posts:
Heirhelp · 04/02/2017 22:11

Running around and pushing toys in an upstairs flat can make an intoleranable noise.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 04/02/2017 22:15

Tbey are small children, the 6 year old is old enough to understand but the other 2 aren't. She needs to get more of a grip tbh. I wouldn't bother again. Sounds stressful and it's not fair on your children to constantly be shushed for pushing cars on the floor.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 04/02/2017 22:16

Crikey! Don't worry about it. :-/ Just wanted to be nice and visit her and was really upset at her response after such a long journey. :-(

People are being perfectly civil to you. They're simply asking questions for clarification and speculating about where granny may be coming from.