Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think you don't buy gifts for expectant fathers?

83 replies

CatchTheRainbow · 03/02/2017 20:17

I'm referring to work.

It's very usual to buy the expectant mother a present when she's about to start her maternity leave.

This is the first time I've been asked to give towards buying a gift for an expectant father.

I really do not like the guy so my judgement may be clouded. Aibu to think it's not normal?

OP posts:

ActuallyThatsSUPREMECommander · 04/02/2017 08:33

The only difference is that for the women it's sometimes a goodbye present in disguise - either because she won't return or because the people donating won't still be theee when she gets back. I think my company does cards and sometimes a whip round for men but it's much more low key than for the women. I always give a That's Not My book to my work friends regardless of whether they're fathers or mothers.

passingthrough1 · 04/02/2017 08:34

My partner got a present from his work when our baby was born, I thought it was lovely.

Notsleepingeveragain · 04/02/2017 08:37

My husband had literall Hundreds spent on our son for his paternity leave. I got nothing! Not actually as uncommon as you think!

ellesbellesxxx · 04/02/2017 08:38

At my work we do baby showers for the men as well as women

Introvertedbuthappy · 04/02/2017 08:41

My husband's team did a collection for him before DS2 was born recently and with it a couple of them went and chose some lovely things, beautiful clothes, toys etc. We were both really touched. We took DS2 in to see them while DH was on paternity leave in one of the outfits they bought (and still came out with a car seat full of £1 coins - traditional in these parts). I have also taken loads of photos of DS2 playing with the toys as he has got older so DH could show those at work and show appreciation. The head of service even knitted DS2 a little cardigan which we will cherish forever (the buttons spelt out his name).

He was really touched, he's an excellent father (he's out with our boys at the park right now). It meant a lot to both of us.

Ilovewillow · 04/02/2017 08:42

We have always brought expectant fathers/mothers a gift - more often than not it's a gift for the baby. Perfect example three if us were expecting at once (2 female and 1 male), it would have been really unkind in my view to only but for two!

AllTheBabies · 04/02/2017 08:43

When our dd2 was born my dp's work did a collection and gave us vouchers. It didn't seem strange!

IntoTheDeep · 04/02/2017 08:43

Normal for new fathers to be given a present for the baby too IME

Underthemoonlight · 04/02/2017 08:46

I think it depends on the work place when we had our dd his work colleagues clubbed together and got a present for dd they were both male and female at his last work place when I had DS they didn't so much as get a card but this was all male environment much older than dh so they wouldn't think to get a present.

mambono5 · 04/02/2017 08:53

If you mean presents for the baby, given to the mother or the father, then it's perfectly normal and standard. It's not a recent thing either.

The difference is that we know when the maternity leave starts for the mum, whilst it is a bit more vague for the dad. They tend to start theirs when their wife goes in labour.

(On another note, paternity leave should start when the baby is born. I so understand the issues for businesses, but when mum is in hospital for days with inductions, long labour, dad has "wasted" half of his paternity leave. The birth process should not be included in his time off).

TheFairyCaravan · 04/02/2017 08:57

I got flowers and presents for the babies from DH's colleagues when I had our children 22 and 20 years ago.

I've even had flowers and chocolates after I've had surgery.

We're military, it's the norm for us.

PandasRock · 04/02/2017 08:59

I've had gifts, delivered to me, from H's workplaces (different workplace each time) after each of my 3 dc's births. A mix of things for me (flowers, candles, smellies) and things for the baby (usual newborn clothes/comforter etc). H got gifts sometimes too - a bottle of wine/whisky etc.

Not massively unusual, surely. If you are going to celebrate the birth of a child, then you can celebrate it with/for the father just as much as the mother.

thethoughtfox · 04/02/2017 09:02

What a lovely idea. My husband phoned from work the other day asking for present ideas for the mostly male team in his work to give a colleague whose wife had just given birth.

CoodleMoodle · 04/02/2017 09:03

When DD was born, DH's work gave him a card and £50 in Boots vouchers. He'd only worked there for two months, we were so touched and it was very useful.

Hulababy · 04/02/2017 09:08

We always buy any parent who has just had a new baby a gift.

The gift is usually for the baby rather than the parent. So baby clothes, booked etc.

When it's a women we often add in something for her as well.

Even though the man hasn't left work for Mat leave he is celebrating the arrival of his baby.

I suppose it depends on what purpose you see the gift. Is it to say goodbye to the parent going in mat leave or is it to celebrate the arrival of a new baby? Everywhere I've worked it is the latter.

Hulababy · 04/02/2017 09:11

And yes, dh's colleagues did a collection for him when we had Dd, almost 15 years ago. I had flowers delivered for when I got home and we received gifts for the baby.
I also received similar from my own colleagues.

Newmanwannabe · 04/02/2017 09:12

DH work sent a gift basket when we had DC

EggysMom · 04/02/2017 09:18

Our office do a collection for the expectant mum and baby, given at the point when she goes on maternity leave. Some of the presents are for the baby and some are for the mum to pamper herself.

We do a collection for new dads whilst they are on their statutory paternity leave. It's not done in advance as you don't know exactly when the dad will be starting pat. leave (it's rarely planned to the day) so is given on their return. Generally it's a voucher for a baby shop, and that's because the dad isn't quite as chatty during the pregnancy period about what they want!

spacefrog35 · 04/02/2017 09:19

My DH's work colleagues bought DD a lovely bunny rabbit toy. We were so touched, he'd not been there long so it was a really kind gesture

Lesley1980 · 04/02/2017 09:31

We've done collections for farthers in the past. I think it's a nice thing. I've given make friends gifts for their babies so I don't see this as much different.

TataEs · 04/02/2017 10:41

i think your issue is u don't like him, rather than he's male.

jay55 · 04/02/2017 10:52

My workplaces have always sent flowers to the mother whether she or her partner worked there and I've contributed to gifts usually vouchers for new dads.

Moonywormtailpadfootprongs · 04/02/2017 10:56

My DH got gifts from his work place.

Lots of stuff for our DD and both of us... it was a lovely gesture.

YABU!

Trainspotting1984 · 04/02/2017 11:00

It's nice, everyone forgets about dads

HarmlessChap · 04/02/2017 11:08

I think it would be more unreasonable to not buy a gift if you do for women when they have a child. Surely the gift is to recognize the addition to the family rather than the process of gestation and birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4