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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD? Spotting someone on MN.

104 replies

whatyouarerealpeople · 03/02/2017 20:04

I spotted someone I know on MN tonight. I would never have guessed it was them. They posted a while back about an issue and I read the thread at the time none the wiser. I'm now torn whether to mention it or pretend I never saw it?

Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
whatyouarerealpeople · 03/02/2017 21:58

Wow rude why Shock

OP posts:
empirerecordsrocked · 03/02/2017 21:59

If it was something serious I wouldn't say anything. Maybe try and up support serriptiously.

DearMrDilkington · 03/02/2017 22:01

I'd keep quiet then if you aren't close. It sounds like it could do more harm than good.

Original poster
whatyouarerealpeople · 03/02/2017 22:02

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm not going to say anything but try and be more supportive in general.

OP posts:
CatAmongPigeons · 03/02/2017 22:06

Respect her anonymity OP. I wouldn't even contact her, and try hard to forget her user name.

After this thread, we'll all be changing names anyway. I've been stalked here: was most unpleasant as I like to stay anonymous. Not that I say anything here I wouldn't IRL, but the thought that someone was combing through posts just to catch me out. Horrid.

elektrawoman · 03/02/2017 22:06

I spotted a friend on here, but did as others have said, didn't mention it and promptly forgot the username - honestly, I really can't remember it.

I name change every few months but to be honest I haven't posted anything to be embarrassed about.

I think not telling her but offer more general support sounds like the best thing OP.

CatAmongPigeons · 03/02/2017 22:08

oops x post Wink

LongHardStare · 03/02/2017 22:13

You just need to temporarily namechange yourself, then message them on here to say 'Hi, I recognise you and wanted to give you the option to change your username. Up to you of course - I won't be stalking you in any case!'

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 03/02/2017 22:14

I've BEEN spotted, and I'm so so glad my friend told me about it. I name changed, and got the thread deleted. If one person had recognised me, others could have done as well. I pulled a couple of other personal threads as well.

Only bummer was that I couldn't use my awesome username anymore

ThirdTimeLuck · 03/02/2017 22:15

I spotted a relative on another forum, she made no attempt to hide who she was. It I definitely didn't want her to know I was on there so I never said anything. The problem was, she was a prolific poster and the forum was small so she was always on the 'frequent' posts. I tried to avoid threads that she started as it felt like an invasion of privacy but then I couldn't avoid the comments she made on other threads. All was fine until she started bitching about me (RL me, not me as a poster) nothing massively awful but definitely not complimentary. I stuck around for a while but then I left the forum, she was struggling with something that had come very easily to me and she was resentful. I could hardly say anything to her, she used the forum to help, so I left and I've never said anything.

Now there was a thread a few weeks ago which I swore was about me, when I searched the poster there were lots of details which didn't add up but I'm still suspicious. It wasn't a nice thread and it was about a very specific conversation I'd had with a friend a few days earlier. The content was far too much of a coincidence. I doubt I'll say anything unless I can be 100% sure it's her and that would only be to have it out with her. If it was a random conversation I'd not let on that I'd spotted her.

Backt0Black · 03/02/2017 22:16

Sorry if already suggested....I'm nodding off so haven't RTFT.... Maybe send her a private message on here? Let her know you think you know her in RL and are just letting her know so she can NC if she likes, I would keep it light and wouldn't go into who you are.... maybe just a short message like

Dear XXXXXXXXXXXX I wanted to drop you a line, I worked out from one of your threads that we know each other in RL. Obviously I'm not going to hunt out all your prev threads or seek out future ones, but I know many on here like to use this as a totally anonymous outlet - so wanted to let you know so you can NC if you feel the need. I will also be NC'ing following this note to maintain my own anonymity.

Best wishes,

Whatyouarerealpeople

UnbornMortificado · 03/02/2017 22:16

See if I thought I could forget the name I'd just do that. I can't remember anything useful but I can remember random names and numbers.

ghostspirit · 03/02/2017 22:16

There is someone in RL who knows me on here. She knows my user name but I don't know hers so I never know if she has made a comment on my threads or anything. But I prefer it that way. I think others are right though. Your not close. I would just leave it.

Whydidwedoit4times · 03/02/2017 22:20

I wasn't being rude you asked our opinion and as someone who was pmd by a total stranger about a very personal incident in mine and my friends lives I am telling you how I felt.

Twopeapods · 03/02/2017 22:21

I would want a pm to let me know so I could name change.
So if it's me, let me know Grin

ChickenVindaloo2 · 03/02/2017 22:23

My colleague told me this week she had spotted me!

Meh, I have nothing to hide, never pretended to be a saint!

WyfOfBathe · 03/02/2017 22:34

I would name change to a temporary user name, and then message her putting your real name in the message so that she knows it's you looking out for her rather than a stranger trying to stalk her or something

FurryLittleTwerp · 03/02/2017 22:36

A friend of mine spotted me from something I'd put in Relationships.

She rang me, concerned - we talked, mostly about stuff she already knew, plus some new bits & I changed my username immediately. No idea if she's twigged this one

welovepancakes · 03/02/2017 22:37

I spotted someone I know on here once. I didn't mention it to her, but I've been careful since then about what I disclose ie nothing personal / interesting

mysteriouscurle · 03/02/2017 22:45

I once spotted a story i had heard in real life in classics. It was a very funny anecdote but the poster had changed details of her dc. I didnt notice many other posts by her and certainly nothing personal/embarrassing. It was a very specific tale and id be surprised if it had happened to 2 people with the level of detail in the story. I cant actually remember what her username was. Not sure if id want to be tipped off if I outed myself but anyone could probably guess one of my hobbies and my hometown by my username so perhaps NC is in order Grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2017 22:47

I personally wouldn't say anything. My motto is what's said in Vegas stays in Vegas.

mya83 · 03/02/2017 22:53

If you change your name though can't people still see the link to the old name and know it's you?

tobecontinued2000 · 03/02/2017 22:56

I wouldn't tell her.

Original poster
whatyouarerealpeople · 03/02/2017 22:57

No mya, that's the point of name changing... Isn't it!?

Thanks everyone for your two-penneth. Appreciate everyone that took the time to comment.

OP posts:
TabithaBethia · 03/02/2017 23:13

I found out about my relative's pregnancy on here Shock Blush

Fortunately her user name was so forgettable I instantly forgot it!

I didn't say anything to her (just waited for the rl announcement Blush).

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