To have ago at mil?

[Hatade16]

I am fuming...

So mil does this thing we're she will tell dp alsorts and assumes he doesn't tell me.

Today she turned up while I was out and he was at home.

All going well.. until she starts saying dd (6 months) doesn't look nothing like DP but looks like her half brother (my ds 7). But ds looks nothing like me... so she was insinuating dd is my ex husbands!!!

Ds looks like me. He looks nothing like xh. She's never seen xh! And dd looks the spit of her dad!

😤😤😤

Wat did your DP say to her? I presume it was something along the lines of "don't be daft mum, What your implying is insulting to both me and to Hata. Drop it."

Why do mother in laws make such hurtful comments. I cleaned the whole house for her to stay at Christmas and was dead proud of myself. She came in, took one looks round, pointed above the cupboard and said, "Oh look at the size of that cobweb!"... why must they be so mean!??

It's her opinion that your DD looks nothing like her son but she should keep those thoughts to herself. They will be damaging one day, if not to come between you and your DP (I gather that's the effect she's looking for?) but what happens if your DS hears this, or your DD when she's old enough to understand?
Silly woman. How did your DP respond? Hopefully he didn't ignore or laugh it off
YADNBU.

My MIL constantly comments that DD doesn't look much like me, despite the fact she's the spitting image of me as a child. MIL just has no inner monologue and frequently engages mouth before brain.

Actually I'd say that was the kind of hateful nonsense your DH should defend you from but keep to himself.

WTF
I dont understand how people can say things like this.
I am one of those people that will be upset for days if I say something that might have remotely upset someone.
And then people go on to say things like this?!

I would (if I was brave enough) bring it up and tell her as a joke so she knows that DP tells you. Something like: so! You dont think DD is ours or something? Do you think they switched babies at hospital?

Then punch her in the face

So what did he say to her when she basically accused you of lying to him and having a child with your ex?

I agree with pps. She was out of order, and I'd be wondering what he was hoping to gain from telling you what she thinks.

"punch her in the face". Classy. (and I speak as someone who hasn't spoken to mine for over 10 years)

Definitely your DP's place to say something. The way you describe it, it sounds as if this is an ongoing issue - so he's reporting back to you, but why isn't he stopping her saying what she says? Or is he trying and failing?

So mil does this thing we're she will tell dp alsorts and assumes he doesn't tell me

Well, why does he tell you? Does he like upsetting you?
Tell DH you are not interested in anything DMIL says from now on.

No he doesn't tell me in a nasty way, i ask what she says and he tells me.

Tell him to recite the 'if you have nothing nice to day about Hatade 16 then don't say anything at all' policy or stfu if he is not so polite!!

I assume that the punching comment was not meant to be serious.

What is your DP saying to her when she makes these comments? That is more important I think. If he says nothing and then just reports back to you then he is being spineless and needs a talking to about defending you and the kids.

If he tells her to STFU and she still does it then at least hehas your back.

Personally I would be making a call and tellingher how nasty and hurtful these comments are and if they dont stop then you will be rethinking if and how she sees the kids as you wont have them exposed to that.

She will say that either she was just joking or that she didnt mean anything by it, but thats bullshit.

Erm I'm pretty sure Bluebell was joking! I laughed

user It's makes them feel superior. They have the need. They are no longer thee woman in their sons life. A pathetic, desperate attempt at gaining some power control.
The way I see it, you raise a son and he chooses a partner in life. Be thankful that someone wants him and stand aside so to speak, gracefully, with love & support.

My MIL kept making joke digs at having her son back. I told her if she'd like her son back she would have to speak to him...but that he'd be forever changed after living with me and my particular high standards for the past twenty years. I didn't laugh. It wasn't a joke, it was the truth and she knew it.
Sometimes it pays off to fight bitchy comments like for like. Goodness knows when it happens, it feels fucking fantastic.

You're being far too polite. She's not showing you any manners so don't show her any.

Next time you see her just say 'I believe you think dd is the postmans daughter?'

My mil tried the same thing on with me and tolf dh our dc look nothing like me. She also told my sil (dh's brothers wife) that she thought all her children were the spitting image of my dh like it was suspicious (they're related so it's not so outrageous that they might look like their uncle)

In the end I just said 'oh you've stumbled upon my dirty secret they're not really his'
Now every time she brings it up I roll my eyes, sigh and say 'here we go again your mum thinking we belong on Jeremy Kyle'!

People like your mil rely on you keeping your manners when they don't to get away with half of what they say. I always think now if I would correct my own mum for saying something like that then I can certainly correct my mil.

Look nothing like him not me

I assumed Bluebell was joking too - in that way that people in movies imagine doing it and its shown, but don't. I laughed . Seriously though MIL needs to be told by your DH that these comments need to stop or contact will lessen.

She might not have meant that, half siblings can look alike you know. My DIL is always asking me if GS looks like his dad did at that age. No he doesn't, not in the slightest as he is her double. I'm not implying he isn't my sons, as he is getting older it is obvious that his personality and interests are going to be just like his dads so he is a real mixture of the two of them it is just that to look at he is like her.

Telling a man his kids dont look like him is an act of aggression. She could have triggered a violent reaction against you.
Your DH should have told her to get out.

My eldest son looks just like his uncle, his father's brother, I pointed it out (I suppose it didn't worry me as he was out of the country at the relevant time so no one could seriously have any worries.) My eldest son has a son who is the spitting image of his younger brother, my second son. Lots of people comment on it, no one has ever assumed they are implying anything other than two related people look alike.

I think a man would have to have serious issues if he got aggressive because someone commented on a child looking like her older brother.