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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have ago at mil?

65 replies

Hatade16 · 03/02/2017 16:45

I am fuming...

So mil does this thing we're she will tell dp alsorts and assumes he doesn't tell me.

Today she turned up while I was out and he was at home.

All going well.. until she starts saying dd (6 months) doesn't look nothing like DP but looks like her half brother (my ds 7). But ds looks nothing like me... so she was insinuating dd is my ex husbands!!!

Ds looks like me. He looks nothing like xh. She's never seen xh! And dd looks the spit of her dad!

😤😤😤

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/02/2017 19:50

Yes Granny they can. DD doesnt look anything like me and its odd because the others are all the image of me (and each other!), but she is the image of her father. Comments about that are fine.

Whats not right is implying that because a child doesnt look like its father then the mother must have been playing around and the bio father is someone else.

DanGleballs · 03/02/2017 19:52

I find that bizarrely it can change over time. A child who is the spit of dad as a baby can end up looking more like mum as they grow, or the other way round.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/02/2017 20:00

Why, in the realm of normal everyday people, would telling a man his child doesn't look like him be an act of aggression and trigger a violent reaction against his partner?

Because normal everyday people can also be abusive arseholes. You dont know that the man who was just told by his mother that the baby doesnt look like him, isnt the type to verbally, emotionally or physically abuse his partner for such a "crime". Especially if his mother has dripped poison in his ear about his wife already. It happens. How many times on here do you hear about men backing the mother over the wife?

OnTheUp13 · 03/02/2017 20:09

My MIL said that DD looks nothing like DH. DH said oh it must've been the other guy from that threesome on our honey moon! bloody love my DH! Also she was 12 hours old. She looked like a NEWBORN! (Aka smiling potato)

PoorYorick · 03/02/2017 20:58

ExH and I both had dark hair and dark eyes, ds had blue eyes until after his first birthday. Exmil made comments about it and how eyes always change colour before three months. I never forgave the insinuation. I was civil from then on and gave up on ever having anything but a superficial relationship with her.

My husband and I both have dark eyes and hair, our son is over a year old and he is blonde and blue. People comment on it all the time. It's a little unusual. It's never occurred to me that they were suggesting he's not my husband's.

I don't look like my father, never have, even when I was born. I'm so much the spit of my mother, you sometimes have to look at the clothes in photographs to figure out if it's me or an old picture of her.

So much paranoia! So much ridiculousness! Where do you people get the energy???

Cherrysoup · 03/02/2017 21:20

Aren't babies meant to look like their dad to start with, old myth, maybe, but supposedly so that back in the day, men wouldn't reject the child? Don't know. My brother and cousin are very similar bar the height difference. Related family members do look like each other, it's normal. A friend had 5 DC, the two youngest with a different father. They all have the same beautiful eyes, which I thought were from the first father. They're not, obviously.

Sweets101 · 03/02/2017 21:22

She said it to him she should deal with it. Unless it wants you be arguing over him

DanGleballs · 03/02/2017 21:48

PoorYorick

I didn't explain the massive back story of the abusive behaviour to my xh, lack of empathy for and, near the end, spitefulness to my older kids, slagging off of all of the other sister in laws, a multitude of sly comments, a nasty compulsion to steal from my house etc.

Actually the stealing was often freaky, I would recognise a tea towel of mine in her house or a throw over that was in the back of our airing cupboard. Even a rug from our loft!

The comments about the eyes were constant and given with pointed looks. It was mentioned to all the other sister in laws.

DanGleballs · 03/02/2017 21:50

I would have been fine with a couple of jokes about the milkman. This was nasty.

BarbarianMum · 03/02/2017 21:55

We have the opposite problem My ds2 is the spitting image of dh' s brother - they are often taken for father and son when we are all out together and MiL gets really cross on my/dh's behalf (Dbil was living in the other side of the world when ds2 was conceived so there has never been the slightest real suspicion on anyone's part that his dad isn't his dad). We just all think it's funny but it really upsets her.

grannytomine · 04/02/2017 21:10

Am I reading the same OP as other people.

Someone said, Whats not right is implying that because a child doesnt look like its father then the mother must have been playing around and the bio father is someone else.

The OP hasn't said anything about the MIL saying it was someone else's child, she said the baby looked like the older brother. Now maybe she meant something and maybe she didn't but she hasn't quoted anything about the MIL mentioning the baby might be someone else's, or might be the ex's or the OP has been playing around.

I quote she starts saying dd (6 months) doesn't look nothing like DP but looks like her half brother (my ds 7). But ds looks nothing like me... so she was insinuating dd is my ex husbands!!!

The OP is interpreting it like that but the MIL hasn't said that. Maybe she said more than quoted, maybe she has form for it but it doesn't say that in the OP.

grannytomine · 04/02/2017 21:12

Barbarianmum, that is just like my husband, his brother and my son, bil was overseas when baby conceived but he is his image. Mind you my MIL never got upset about it, no one did, it was just, "Doesn't he look like his uncle." No drama.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 04/02/2017 21:19

Telling a man his kids dont look like him is an act of aggression

Really? Really?

Come on.

grannytomine · 04/02/2017 21:30

What if his kids don't look like him? Are we all supposed to go round pretending all kids look like their dads in case the poor men get upset?

I can't imagine why they bothered inventing DNA testing when everyone's MIL can just tell by looking. (I know they use DNA testing for other stuff but you know what I mean.)

identifyyourself · 10/05/2017 12:53

I would be strongly tempted to call her bluff: after what she said you had a DNA test done and DC's father turns out be James Hewitt. Keep a straight face for as long as you can and see if the penny drops.

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