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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have ago at mil?

65 replies

Hatade16 · 03/02/2017 16:45

I am fuming...

So mil does this thing we're she will tell dp alsorts and assumes he doesn't tell me.

Today she turned up while I was out and he was at home.

All going well.. until she starts saying dd (6 months) doesn't look nothing like DP but looks like her half brother (my ds 7). But ds looks nothing like me... so she was insinuating dd is my ex husbands!!!

Ds looks like me. He looks nothing like xh. She's never seen xh! And dd looks the spit of her dad!

😤😤😤

OP posts:
MzKitty · 03/02/2017 17:41

He needs to start challenging her, not just relaying the insults.

My Mother had a vicious tongue, but knew quite quickly that she didn't comment on my DH, or our house, without getting promptly told to shut it.

tooclosetocall · 03/02/2017 17:41

For the first few months my MIL called and greeted my DC as my child (with emphasis on the 'my' meaning her baby, her child Angry )
That was enough for me to want to take a frying pan in hand. I'm not a violent person. I've never forgotten.

Italiangreyhound · 03/02/2017 17:43

Hatade what did your dh say to her?

I guess if she thinks that dd isn't her son's child will she still be keen to come round and see the kids!!

I think you should ignore her, but if you cannot ignore her I would tell her that your dh told you this, it is nonsense BUT more damaging if either of the children heard this type of talk (dd when she is older, obviously) it could be very confusing and damaging for them. Plus it is just malicious!

PotteringAlong · 03/02/2017 17:44

Telling a man his kids dont look like him is an act of aggression. She could have triggered a violent reaction against you.
Your DH should have told her to get out.

I assume this is a joke?

cathf · 03/02/2017 17:46

I think you and pps need to calm down. It must be exhausting living life in such a hysterical way.
I have two sons - born 14 years apart to different fathers and they are the double if each other. Even teachers who taught ds1 years comment on how much ds2 is like his brother - as well as looking alike, they have the same mannerisms, tastes etc. They do not look like me.
I always think when I see threads like this - and there are an awful lot of them - it would do the poster well to stop, calm down and remember that they will be someone's mil one day.

NavyandWhite · 03/02/2017 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DJBaggySmalls · 03/02/2017 17:49

PotteringAlong Do you?

grannytomine · 03/02/2017 17:49

Why would it damage a child if someone said she looked like her brother?

PoorYorick · 03/02/2017 17:54

I don't understand the issue. People often disagree on who a child resembles. People can't agree on whether my son looks like my husband or me, hell he and I don't agree on it! All she's saying is she thinks your son looks like your side of the family, which you appear to agree with. That he resembles his half sister. How do you go from there to deciding she's questioning his paternity?

I dont understand at all. You sound utterly paranoid.

Bumbumtaloo · 03/02/2017 17:54

My MiL (and my DM) say our DC look nothing like DH, they are right they don't! dd1 looks like me, dd2 looks like my brother. Both are 100% DH's children.

TBH I don't understand why you ask your DH what your MiL had said then to be pissed off over something that may or may not mean what you think it does, seems bizarre to me.

PotteringAlong · 03/02/2017 17:56

Yes! Why, in the realm of normal everyday people, would telling a man his child doesn't look like him be an act of aggression and trigger a violent reaction against his partner?

Californiasoul · 03/02/2017 17:57

My MIL always bangs on about how my kids look nothing like me and take after her side of the family. They do not. My side of the family are famed for their beauty. Their side are without exception a bunch of weird, ugly fuckers.

Gideonsangel123 · 03/02/2017 17:59

Just tell your horrible mother in law that thankfully your daughter doesn't resemble her.

abbsisspartacus · 03/02/2017 18:03

Been there my reply? Feel free to pay for a dna test I've nothing to hide

It was not mentioned again around me

NavyandWhite · 03/02/2017 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DanGleballs · 03/02/2017 18:06

ExH and I both had dark hair and dark eyes, ds had blue eyes until after his first birthday. Exmil made comments about it and how eyes always change colour before three months. I never forgave the insinuation. I was civil from then on and gave up on ever having anything but a superficial relationship with her.

Whydidwedoit4times · 03/02/2017 18:07

user why do mils make such spiteful comments

I don't and neither did my mil.

Maybe you shouldn't judge everyone quite so sweepingly it's clearly daft.

Op she sounds horrible.

Whydidwedoit4times · 03/02/2017 18:16

tooclose

I don't want my son back love I am eternally grateful to my lovely dil for taking him on.

Whydidwedoit4times · 03/02/2017 18:16

tooclose

I don't want my son back love I am eternally grateful to my lovely dil for taking him on.

VintagePerfumista · 03/02/2017 18:23

The real issue here is that we have a bloke who quite happily tells his wife what his mother infers about her, knowing, presumably, it will upset her.

Once again: what does he say to her when she says this?

And re: the punching comment. We'd all (hopefully) be very quick to tell a man saying "then I'd punch her in the face" to give his fucking head a wobble (even if he was "joking") so why can a woman get away with it? (presuming of course that the poster being so hilarious Hmm about it is a woman)

MammyNeedsASpaDay · 03/02/2017 18:30

People say this about my youngest child. The irony is, it's me that he doesn't look like.

One person even asked a guy I worked with because his kid had the same colouring. I'm not meant to know that, and never had anything to do with anyone other than my husband for 8.5yrs so.....yeah!

It's rude and stupid. Ignore it xx

AVY1 · 03/02/2017 18:54

MIL says this often. Which stings and is also nonsensical as DD and H are so similar. I think it's because DD had blonde hair when born (darkening up now) and both H and I have very dark colouring. MIL was also put out that DDs eyes stayed blue, I can't really help genetic dominance!

RhodaBorrocks · 03/02/2017 19:00

My ex MIL was the opposite - she took every opportunity to point out how DS was nothing like me or my side of the family and was only like XP.

So DS hair and eyes were mine - nope! They were from her DD (SIL).
So DS height and body shape were just like my DF - nope! It must be from her side of the family because they were all stocky.
So DS nose looks just like my DSis - nope! It looks just like her sister's.
Etc.

The funny thing is since XP abandoned DS none of his family have stayed in contact, and DS looks like a cross between my DF and one of my cousins (who looks like my DF) at the same age. But he has plenty of mannerisms and personality traits that are identical to XP, even though we split nearly 7 years ago when DS was only 2.

Ex MIL wasn't a happy woman, and a lot of her trying to make DS more 'hers' was because her own kids couldn't stand her and repeatedly went NC on her.

grannytomine · 03/02/2017 19:23

But can't someone quite innocently and genuinely think a child does/does not look like someone?

goose1964 · 03/02/2017 19:48

Please don't judge all mother in laws, I'm nice to my children in laws,. OK my DGS2 doesn't look like his Dad (SIL) but that's because he looks like me (yay) DGS1 could be his dad's clone. I would never insinuate unfaithfulness on anyone just because a child isn't the spitting image of either parent - they are usually a mix of both

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