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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, do I ask the parents for money?

84 replies

BrightonBelleCat · 03/02/2017 10:28

I've booked for dd and a couple of her mates to go to this convention thing for her birthday. I've paid for the tickets and will take them up there by train, which I will also pay for.

Do I ask the parents to provide lunches, or is it assumed I will pay for the lunches as well.

I need to budget for this well in advance (am skint) so would you/do I?

OP posts:
Noteventhebestdrummer · 03/02/2017 10:29

I think you need to pay for lunch

Mischa123 · 03/02/2017 10:30

could you say that you were having a picnic style lunch and could everyone bring a few bits and pieces for all to share? You are already paying out quite a bit so I wouldn't mind if I was one of the parents

strawberrypenguin · 03/02/2017 10:31

I'd happily send my DC with lunch or money for lunch in those circumstances

user1483387154 · 03/02/2017 10:31

I would expect you to pay for the lunches as part of the birthday celebration

formerbabe · 03/02/2017 10:31

If you're paying for the tickets and train, I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask the parents to send their children with a packed lunch.

Bellabelloo · 03/02/2017 10:33

I would very happily provide some picnic bits.

SorrelSoup · 03/02/2017 10:33

I'd happily send a packed lunch too.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 03/02/2017 10:34

Ask them to send packed lunches. You've already spent a fortune by the sound of it.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/02/2017 10:34

Tbh if you're paying for pretty much everything else I don't think it's unreasonable for them to presume you'll be paying for lunch too.

I'd personally pay for everything for everyone and if a parent wants to contribute then great but don't ask them as you'll look odd.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 03/02/2017 10:37

I would assume you were paying but when asked I would happily send dd off with a lunch and not think twice about it

Original poster
BrightonBelleCat · 03/02/2017 10:37

I'm not usually this bloody nervous about things. These are DD's first proper friends. She has SEN and I was so pleased when she made friends starting secondary school. I don't want to fuck it up by pissing off the parents.

OP posts:
TheFlyingFauxPas · 03/02/2017 10:40

If I invited kids out I would expect to buy their food and wave away any offers of contribution. However as a parent if my ds were invited out I would offer money. Also if I were told I needed needed to provide his lunch I'd be happy to do so.
Just a thought - do you have a Family and friends railcard? You can save a fortune on rail fares.

Teaholic · 03/02/2017 10:42

Just say that they'll need a packed lunch for the picnic.

That would be fine. If I were told my child was to bring money for lunch, I'd just give it to her as I don't get offended at these things or analyse them to death but I know I'd be self-conscious saying give your child money for lunch but I wouldn't think twice about saying ''your chidl will neeed a packed lunch''

Original poster
BrightonBelleCat · 03/02/2017 10:42

No flying I don't so will look into getting one thanks.

OP posts:
NarkyMcDinkyChops · 03/02/2017 10:44

I'd be happier to be asked for a packed lunch rather than money for lunch. Although I wouldn't be pissed off at either.

Notso · 03/02/2017 10:45

I think most would assume you were providing lunch so you would need to make it clear you are not. I don't think anyone would mind though.

wickerlampshade · 03/02/2017 10:47

for a birthday party I'd assume you were providing everything - would be happy to send something if asked.

Notso · 03/02/2017 10:49

I think most would assume lunch is provided but only an arse would object to sending a reasonable sum of money/packed lunch if asked to.
I'd say train and entrance are on me but bring a packed lunch/we are getting lunch from .... so you'll need £X

Notso · 03/02/2017 10:50

Oh sorry thought first post was lost! Blush Confused second one was better anyway!

FlyWaxSleepRepeat · 03/02/2017 10:51

I wouldn't mind either way as long as it was made clear asap.

Tiggles · 03/02/2017 10:51

I would assume as a party you were paying for food, however, I would be quite happy to send DS off with money to buy lunch if I knew in advance. Especially as this is secondary school age and they can eat enormous amounts Grin.

KitKat1985 · 03/02/2017 10:52

I would assume you were providing lunch, so wouldn't automatically send food, but wouldn't mind sending a packed lunch if asked.

4men1lady · 03/02/2017 10:53

Could you not go with the lines of "it's going to be hard work finding somewhere to eat that everyone is happy with so could they bring a packed lunch, to make things run more smoothly"!

And perhaps get them a treat during the day like a Krispy Kreme or such like!

I would send my child with money but also would not mind providing lunch/picnic.

Kiroro · 03/02/2017 10:56

It is fine to ask for a packed lunch.

cestlavielife · 03/02/2017 10:57

you invited so is expected you provide...you could make packed lunch for all really cheap - (go to aldi and buy a loaf of brown sliced bread and some ham or sliced chicken/turkey, plus a six pack of yogurts and juices...)

so tell them you will bring some sandwiches for everyone but if they have dietary preferences could they bring their own? and let them know what kind of spending there might be so they know eg "there will be a shop if you want to let your dc have some spending money"