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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, do I ask the parents for money?

84 replies

BrightonBelleCat · 03/02/2017 10:28

I've booked for dd and a couple of her mates to go to this convention thing for her birthday. I've paid for the tickets and will take them up there by train, which I will also pay for.

Do I ask the parents to provide lunches, or is it assumed I will pay for the lunches as well.

I need to budget for this well in advance (am skint) so would you/do I?

OP posts:
chanie44 · 03/02/2017 12:27

My children are too young, but I'd send my children with some money if they were going out for the day. This could buy some lunch or a souvenir.

I'd be more than happy to send an individual packed lunch or contribute towards a shared packed lunch. I'd prefer to know in advance so that I had time to prepare.

RaisinsAndApple · 03/02/2017 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLibrary · 03/02/2017 12:32

I'd save up and do Macdonalds or something similar, or use Tesco vouchers for one of the chain restaurants teenagers like.

I think packed lunches are fine for younger kids, but have the potential to be awkward for older ones.

Making a packed lunch that they will all like will also be mega stressful, ime!

EssentialHummus · 03/02/2017 12:35

I wouldn't be offended if asked to provide a packed lunch. At somewhere like ExCel in London the food places are a bit scattered and a packed lunch would be a lot easier than everyone going off in different directions to buy things.

Chuck in some bday cake/cupcakes, job's a good'un.

FeelingSmurfy · 03/02/2017 12:41

I wouldn't ask for contributions to a shared lunch as you could end up with everyone bringing a pack of sausages rolls or something, those things only really work if you can sort out who is bringing what, which you couldn't really in this situation

gillybeanz · 03/02/2017 12:45

I'd happily send a packet lunch, but think it's wrong to ask for money.
Parents usually pay for food at their own child's party as most tend to choose parties they can afford iyswim.
I would send a few bits extra too in case it was needed.

Sammyislost · 03/02/2017 12:45

I'd just ask for them to prepare a packed lunch, but say you'll be topping up with drinks and treats (pack some chocolate or cakes!)

Absolutely no harm at all. And could even be a relief for the parents as they worry what their potentially fussy child would eat otherwise.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2017 12:48

Asking them to provide a packed lunch is fine. Plus at least the parents know what they like and what to provide

Olympiathequeen · 03/02/2017 12:48

If it's in lieu of a party then you need to provide food too. It's your treat unfortunately. Shouldn't be too expensive for a few children to make up a nice picnic lunch. Don't buy food and drink there as that's hugely expensive

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 03/02/2017 12:49

Take your own packed lunch for all the kids.
Or
Take kids into Gregg's or Supermarket so they can pick their own meal deal, £3ish per kid.
Or
Take them to McDonald's, approx £4ish per kid, don't buy Happy Meals for secondary school kids ("soooo embarrassing")

If it's a Comicon type thing then buying lunch there will be pricey. As it's your daughter's birthday and you've invited the guests then I think it's polite that you buy their lunch.

Grab some munchies from the pound shop for during the day. Buy the branded goods though if you're dishing them to your daughter's friends, cheap stuff is also "soooo embarrassing".

Hope you and your daughter have a brilliant time.

FireInTheHead · 03/02/2017 13:03

Perfectly reasonable to ask parents to provide packed lunch, drink, snacks to cover individual tastes/needs if it's going to be a full day. It's not a normal party where food is expected to be laid on. Don't overthink it OP but do have a little extra cash on hand, in case anyone forgets and you find yourself having to buy them something.

OlennasWimple · 03/02/2017 13:15

Another one who wouldn't mind either way, provided I knew in advance whether to send my DC with a packed lunch or money, or that they were going to get lunch with you

talksensetome · 03/02/2017 13:16

I would assume that you were sorting lunch but wouldn't mind sending a packed lunch if asked.

It would be a bit much for one person to carry lunch for everyone including drinks, especially on the train and around all day so individual lunches in their own bags is more feasible if you don't want to buy food there.

teaandakitkat · 03/02/2017 13:19

I would expect the host to pay for lunch.

But having said that if my kids was invited I would probably offer you some money since its so expensive and give them £10 to take with them for if they wanted any extras.

KingLooieCatz · 03/02/2017 13:26

If you can stretch to it I think Sleep's suggestion of picking up meal deals all round en route and taking some pound shop treats is a great idea. You might even look like a convention whisperer when every one is hungry and needs urgent snack and sit down right as the queues are long and miserable. You can all find a quiet spot, whip out your Greggs and laugh at the losers in the queues getting grumpy.

If you can't stretch I think better to suggest bringing packed lunches, maybe mention the girls won't want to spend hours queuing at lunchtime.

Fingers crossed it goes down in history for your DD and friends as Best. Birthday. Ever.

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 03/02/2017 13:32

I would buy a cheap loaf of bread and a packet of ham and cheese and a multipack of crisps and say the following to the parents "I am taking a picnic for the kids but feel free to send any snack bits they may like to bring. I would also ask that they don't bring more than a few pounds spending money as they will need to look after this themselves "

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/02/2017 13:36

I agree with others, you should provide lunch so do a pack up or take them to McDonald's or equivalent. Do ask them to bring some water to take as they're walking round and upthread the suggestion of taking some money for sweeties is great.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 03/02/2017 13:39

'Dear xxx, I'll bring some bits for lunch but could you bring something to share too - maybe some fruit/cheese/ham/crisps so we can have a picnic lunch, Thanks'

Girlwhowearsglasses · 03/02/2017 13:40

Oh yes to water - they'll all end up spending £££ on bottles otherwise

Original poster
BrightonBelleCat · 03/02/2017 14:02

Ok brilliant. I've got a while yet but wanted to get the tickets. I would probably send dd with money if she was going.

I'm a bit paranoid about her reacting to the busy-ness of it all.

Do I tell the friends mum's she has Sen?

OP posts:
AnnieNeedsAMacBook · 03/02/2017 14:03

I would assume, if you hadn't said otherwise, that you had lunch sorted.

I'm lazy & hate carrying loads of stuff so normally I'd buy them lunch there unless that's stressful for your DD, then I'd take food.

With a child that struggles with friendships I'd do whatever she felt was the best thing - she knows the girls who are invited, simply because I would want to make them all happy & hope the friendships work out.

However, I wouldn't mind giving the kids a packed lunch or money for lunch if you asked. I'd give them money 'just in case' anyway.

rookiemere · 03/02/2017 14:08

I think it would be best just to make up some (cheap) sandwiches and bring some snacks.

I would imagine parents will give their DCs some money with them, but I think it's a bit awkward to send out an email suggesting that they do that.

If they don't like what you've brought with you then they are free to buy their own if they have money .

Garnethair · 03/02/2017 14:09

Is it Comicon? If so the catering is very expensive inside, so yes, a packed lunch would be the way to go.

bloodyteenagers · 03/02/2017 14:15

The norm for secondary is 'going nando for my birthday. You coming?'
'Yea'
'Great you need about a tenner'

Change location and amount as required.

Secondary never really paid for my children to have parties apart from the odd BBQ. Paid for their meal/whatever and they even sorted out mates present. ''Tis awesome.

And someone said ooh no picnic for secondary. Why not? Maybe teens here are really weird they often arrange these themselves to save cash. Over the year had quite a few tagging along and they suggest picnics including carrying it around.

FV45 · 03/02/2017 14:35

If your DD's SEN impacts on the trip in some way then I think it would be courteous to inform the other parents, just so they are aware.