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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared I've fucked up at work?

103 replies

LilouLilou · 02/02/2017 21:16

Moving to a new team in a large law firm (I'm a new grad). Had a call with a few members of the team a couple of days ago and the partner said I should pop round to his office to get some starter work from him; I did but he wasn't there. I really should have sent an email out (and stupidly told someone I did but was feeling a bit nervous so I didn't - stupid! I don't know what came over me).

Anyway someone followed up with me today about it and asked if I had met him yet/sent the email. I said again that I'd sent an email (Urgh don't know why)...

Anyway I finally sent one today saying it was great to meet him a few days ago and to let me know when was a good time to catch up. I got a fairly cold response back saying that because he didn't see me on Monday, he had given it to someone else but that he would keep an eye out for other things. I replied instantly saying that would be great.

He makes or breaks people's careers and I'm so scared of meeting him now - plus I'm sure the rest of the team will be aware of what has happened. I feel like I look like I'm not fussed about the work now - which isn't true and I'm kicking myself!!

OP posts:
lapsedorienteerer · 02/02/2017 21:56

Please calm down and mega apologies to everyone I seem to have offended Sad. I joined MN approx 14 years ago before DS was born, its' been a massive source of support but now clearly has moved on.....and so must I. Thanks for the support, I shall now observe from afarSad......

ClashCityRocker · 02/02/2017 21:56

When I was a junior, if I was concerned about sending an email, I used to draft an email then put it in the outbox with it timed to send in an hour or so. It can be daunting, but it is really something you have to get to grips with.

I also used to get quite phased by senior partners, especially the more old school ones until my mam told me 'remember they have to sit down to take a shit just the same as you do'.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 02/02/2017 21:57

I agree with previous posters

I'm a solicitor (on mat leave). I agree that it will blow over. But, the integrity issue here is a big one. You were dishonest (for whatever reason) twice. There seems to be a lack of insight here into what is the real issue: saying twice that you had sent an email that you hadn't.

You will be on the radar. From now on you must act with total integrity. If you do, this will blow over. If you don't, it will count against you.

Topseyt · 02/02/2017 21:59

ODFOD Lapsed.

You are not the forum police.

We discuss many subjects here, not all of them related to parenting by a good long shot.

GallivantingWildebeest · 02/02/2017 21:59

Lapsed - that was a dick move! Yes, it's Mumsnet, but you don't have to have pushed a person out of your vagina to post here!!

Magzmarsh · 02/02/2017 21:59

MN is an incredible resource for everything and everyone so please stop being so judgemental and narrow minded lapses. And I agree with pp you sound smug.

I also have 15 year old DS and would be proud his ingenuity if he turned to here for advice 😕

Magzmarsh · 02/02/2017 22:00

X post. Didn't see your apology

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 02/02/2017 22:00

Thanks for the support, I shall now observe from afar...

Don't add being an over reacting drama llama to the list of silliness.

Just unfollow the thread and swing over to Chat.

GrandDesespoir · 02/02/2017 22:02

I don't know - I've had a strange week, I'm not normally like this. I've just come off anti-anxiety medication and it's knocked me for six.

Why on earth did you come off your medication just when you were about to start a new role? Confused That's going to be stressful at the best of times.

Anyway, as others have said, I think you just have to show you're very keen now and not blot your copybook again in the near future. Good luck with it.

auldfuckingspinster · 02/02/2017 22:02

I'm happily unsprogged and have been here for years, I avoid the parenting topics but enjoy the discourse on MN.

JustHereForThePooStories · 02/02/2017 22:03

Hmm, popping head over 'parapet' here..........I have to assume you are a 'Mum'? Otherwise is this really a 'Mum's'(net) problem? I'm very happy to be shot down in flames but I thought Mumsnet was for .........mothers...not new graduates...? .........Happy to be put in my place if OP is indeed a new Grad and a Mum

Oh do piss off.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 02/02/2017 22:04

If asked, I would say that you were sure you'd sent the email but have since discovered you accidentally saved it to drafts.

Another lie, but you don't actually have a coherent explanation for why you told such an odd lie in the first place.

I think you need to explore why you did this. Are you a procrastinator or self sabotageur by nature?

Ghfst · 02/02/2017 22:05

Don't worry, OP.

I imagine if we all think back to our first roles we will laugh at how we acted.

ilovesooty · 02/02/2017 22:06

I suspect that lapsed knew exactly what she was posting given the comment about 'parapet' and the subsequent passive aggressive comments.

MrsCocoa · 02/02/2017 22:06

OP - don't worry. Sounds like a lack of confidence led to procrastination which was then hard to explain. I'd be understanding. And do still have the odd moment of madness myself Smile

foxyloxy78 · 02/02/2017 22:06

Henrysmycat is spot on! Listen to the advice OP. Good luck in your new role.

HerculesMulligan · 02/02/2017 22:08

Like Gobbolino, I'm also a solicitor and she is EXACTLY right. And for the love of God, don't start lying about technical faults and outboxes. That's a poor excuse and it sounds like one.

I made a horrendous mistake in my first week as a trainee. Far worse than yours. But I confessed it about 30 seconds after realising I'd made it, helped to sort it out and went on to be offered a job in that team on qualification. I cannot emphasise enough how much you need to prioritise honesty and transparency in your role, or else you will be seen as a dangerous liability.

I would suggest that this is not the time to come off your meds. Wait until you're a couple of months into your first seat, at least, and have found your feet a little. I hope you do brilliantly. Good luck.

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 02/02/2017 22:09

lapsedorienteerer You know there are lots of topics completely unrelated to parenting on here. Don't be dramatic with the sad-face; it was a bit of a crappy thing to say but you've apologised so move on. Own it! If like some of us you are baffled by bloody Donald T then feel free to join us on the Trump thread (currently on No. 8 in AIBU if you're interested).

Ruralretreating · 02/02/2017 22:12

GoesDown, Gobbolino and Hercules are absolutely right. Honesty is everything in this profession, do not make it worse by lying more.

cheeseandpineapple · 02/02/2017 22:13

It seems to be done with, best to move on and focus on making up for it by sending an email in a few days to ask if there's anything you can help with and if so when would be a good time to pop in. Also befriend his secretary/PA. If you are struggling to get time with him, she/he should be able to give you the heads up of when he's around to just casually pop by and ask if there's anything you can help with. But don't just single him out, make sure you're consistent and showing willing across the team.

Agree with others re integrity and professionalism. You've only just started you can change the perception.

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 02/02/2017 22:14

Anyway, re: OP's problem -

As PP have said, there are three absolutely golden rules when you are a new starter:

  1. Turn up on time and smartly dressed.
  2. Do not be rude or bolshy - especially if you are asked to make tea, do photocopying, filing etc.
  3. Don't lie! If you don't understand something or you fuck up, then own up. Mistakes can cost money but most of the time they can be rectified quickly and cheaply if your boss knows about it.

I'm a manager and I'm used to new starters being nervous, which means they can sometimes say or do odd things through nerves! But lying about having sent an email is very silly, as it will make your boss wonder if you can be trusted and reliable. Best thing to do now is get your head down and concentrate on delivering 100% quality output and learning as much as you can.

Try not to worry too much. It was a daft thing to do but we all make mistakes - move on from it.

littlepooch · 02/02/2017 22:16

Another corporate lawyer here and I think the other lawyers have given you some very good advice. Its early days so don't beat yourself about it. But be careful In future and know that first impressions count a lot. And never wait for the work to come to you - be proactive and seek it out. I guarantee the other trainees will be doing exactly this. I'm a senior associate and if a partner asks to see me for some work, I go back to his or her office again and again until I catch them. Or at the very least let their secretary know to let me know as soon as they are back.

It's daunting at first but you'll soon get into the swing of it.

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 02/02/2017 22:17

Oh and absolutely make sure you are on good terms with the following:

HR
The secretaries and PAs - as they are the gatekeepers to your boss, his or her diary. If you don't want your 1-2-1s at 6pm on a Friday night then make sure you are nice to them!
Ditto the facilities manager and IT. If you don't want to be lugging your own boxes of paper about, or have your post turn up late (or if they really dislike you, not at all), or never feature anywhere on the IT dept's priority list and consequently end up with the crappy laptop and brick mobile phone...

Include them in your tea rounds. Bring biscuits and if they look like they might need some help them do so if you can. It goes a loooong way. The PAs in my company control all of the meeting room bookings. They hate one manager because she was incredibly rude to them when she joined. Guess who hasn't managed to get a single meeting room booked in the last 6 months?

PremierCru · 02/02/2017 22:24

@lapsedorienteerer I take it you are very new to Mumsnet; welcome!

Ghfst · 02/02/2017 22:26

*MrD
*
Why wouldn't you be nice to everyone anyway? Hmm