To be concerned about this mid day assistant?

[Orangedoesrhyme]

He's male, early twenties

Firstly I am not a crazed peado hunter. I used a male childminder for years when my children were young.

There's something just a bit off about him, I'm not sure if it's because he tries very hard to be "down with the kids" or because he is quite immature, but my gut just says something is wrong.

Two incidences: firstly DD left yr 6 last year. He wrote in her leavers book, Dear x, will miss you when you go to high school (crying face), stay away from the boys (winky face) lol lol lol, lots of love Mr X. Then a few kisses.

Today DS said oh DD was crying st school today and stayed with Mr X at lunch time. It was well gross he was rubbing her neck. I asked DD (6) what he meant and she said that she had fallen out with her friends and Mr X said she could stay with him for lunch time. They were sat on a bench and he was rubbing her neck I asked her to show me how and it was like a light squeezing motion back and forth.

I can't work out if I am being over sensitive because I didn't like the note he put in DDs book last year or if this is normal?

What do you think?

Speak to the school ASAP. Years ago DD1 , then 9, told me her Maths teacher didn't like girls only boys. I said she was being silly and just ask for help but she was insistent. A few months later he was arrested and imprisioned for grooming and abusing a boy in her Maths class. Your DS instinctively realised it was not appropriate, that would be enough for me. I will always feel guilty for disregarding DD's comments.

How was your meeting with the head @Orangedoesrhyme ?

Update: name change was messing around and I wanted to make sure I didn't use my usual name

I went to see head this morning and showed her the book first. The look on her face from just the book (raised eyebrows and wtf) look was enough to tell me he was in the wrong. I then said about the neck rubbing/toilets. She asked if she could note it down as I was talking and speak to DD. I was a bit dubious about her speaking to her alone but she said she would ask her teacher (also a male and lovely) to sit it with them.

She said she would investigate and take action with mid day assistant. She couldn't tell me exactly what would happen but thanked me for bringing it to her attention. Will wait and see what DD says after school. Thanks for all the advice.

Glad it's being taken seriously. You did the right thing.

This reminds me that when DS was in Yr 4, his (female) teacher was nice and kind to all the boys, but never had a good word to say about the girls. I noticed this, and DS often commented about stuff unprompted.

I didn't report but think someone did because she left after only two years at the school when previously she'd been saying things about being settled in the area.

Good on you, he is behaving highly inappropriately. Come to think of it, when I was at my all girls school in the 90's and a teenager, some inappropriate things happened, that would not be allowed now. My PE teacher (female), told me that my collar was out, I went to correct it, but she had got in there, and slipped her hand down my back, I looked up, and she was grinning like a love struck teenager, it was so yuck . Then in my tuba lesson, my music teacher (male), told me to position my lips as like I was kissing a boy yuck. He always seemed creepy.

Well done - the update on the toilet thing makes me think this is worse than I'd originally thought.

Did you get an update on this?

I was really freaked out when you mentioned that she had her hair down- this made me feel sick as it meant he was touching concealed skin, as if bare skin wasn't bad enough, that just made it undeniably private.

That doesn't mean you won't hear something

The neck rubbing and comment was really inappropriate so well done for saying something.

The level of no touching that some posters have commented on is a bit sad though. My dc school is full of hugs when they are needed and sometimes they will kiss the top of a child's head. Not in private though and not in an intimate way. They're a very nurturing but also strict with behaviour school. The head will hug parents too, if they're upset and need reassurance.

The school is in the edge of 2 areas, one of them being very deprived. I can't even explain how much I love the school. The progress the children make not only academically but with their empathy/emotional maturity is incredible. Their inclusion and adaptation for children with additional needs is amazing. If a child with autism needs to sit on a lap and be reassured as they're feeling overwhelmed then they'll do it. Equally, space is given too. It's a remarkable balance they've managed to find imo. I wish there were more of these sorts of schools around.

I'm a primary teacher with a child with an additional need so I'm fairly very critical. Children need to be nurtured but there are boundaries and he's crossed them.

From how serious the "catalogue" of stuff sounds, I presume the OP will be contacted by the police. If the school takes its safeguarding seriously, it won't end with him being told off by the head. Not for this amount of stuff.