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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be seriously pissed off about this poison pen letter?

23 replies

bloodynosyneighbour · 01/02/2017 16:33

Until 6 months ago, was living with exDP in a block of flats. We've always had trouble with one of our neighbours, uses our bins, parking space etc.

When exDP and I split up, we didn't tell anyone in the building (6 flats in all). He quietly moved out and we have remained friends.

Today, I got an anonymous letter saying that my "affair" was common knowledge and that if I didn't stop "cheating" on my partner, that they would tell him!

Yes, I have been dating. And yes, he has stayed over a few times. But even if I was having an affair, AIBU in thinking it would still be a really shitty letter to receive?

I have no proof of who has sent this letter. But I'm assuming it's the troublesome neighbour as I do get on with everyone else in the building.

Also, even though ex and I are no longer in a relationship, AIBU in thinking it's up to ME to decide what and when to let him know I'm dating again?

OP posts:

ProudBadMum · 01/02/2017 16:34

Is it the Ex trying to ruin the chance of you having a new relationship?

Of course it's your own choice

Scarydinosaurs · 01/02/2017 16:35

You must be fuming- I would wonder what will happen when you don't stop 'cheating'?? Will another letter arrive for your ex???!

justgivemethepinot · 01/02/2017 16:36

Let them tell him then you get the last laugh.

Original poster

bloodynosyneighbour · 01/02/2017 16:37

I'm as sure as I can be that it wasn't written by ex.

OP posts:

Lucked · 01/02/2017 16:37

Yes I would be furious. Malicious curtain twitcher! Nothing to be done but to live your life and pity how pathetic their lives are.

Original poster

bloodynosyneighbour · 01/02/2017 16:38

Yes, I am fuming. It feels so bloody intrusive.

OP posts:

glenthebattleostrich · 01/02/2017 16:38

I'd be arranging for as many male friends as I could to be staying over, preferably trying to 'sneak' in and out!!!

Get ex on board with it and if you have to go away for any reason have a female friend house sit but sneak in as if she doesn't want to be noticed.

Make it look like you are both having an affair!

pinkblink · 01/02/2017 16:39

Be more obvious, kissing on the doorstep etc and see what happens haha got to love a nosy neighbour

OhSuckItUpDucky · 01/02/2017 16:42

I would do what ostrich suggested
turn it in to a game

CouchSwede · 01/02/2017 16:43

Honestly? I would report it to the police. I'm sure I'm going to be shouted down by posters saying (rightly) that the police are busy enough trying to cope with other crimes, but I would report it in the knowledge that they couldn't/wouldn't really do anything further. Sending poison pen letters is illegal (www.cps.gov.uk/legal/a_to_c/communications_offences/#an13) and anti-social.

CouchSwede · 01/02/2017 16:43

Clicky link: www.cps.gov.uk/legal/a_to_c/communications_offences/#an13

CouchSwede · 01/02/2017 16:45

Alternatively or in addition, if there's a common message board in your flats (there is in ours) you could simply post a printout of the above. Without further comment...

Derlei · 01/02/2017 16:49

I would 100% have fun with this!! I agree with the pp, invite as many guy mates over as you can, preferably at night.

CoraPirbright · 01/02/2017 16:49

How vile!! Poor you - you must feel unsettled in your own home! I would photocopy the letter and post it to all the flats with a cover note. In it, I would say that you have received this vile letter but the coward has not signed it. That it is absolutely no one's business but your own that you and ex have split up some weeks since and you are moving on with your life. Copy and paste a few choice quotes from CouchSwede's link and say that since poison pen letters are illegal you have put it in the hands of the police. You can obviously tell the neighbours who are nice that you don't actually think its them.....

Lumberries · 01/02/2017 17:03

Oh please oh please oh pleeeeease do all of the following and then post here to tell us all what happened

Send new bloke round to neighbors door in your dressing gown and fluffy slippers to borrow some milk

Stand outside neighbors door pretending to be on the phone and proclaim loudly how much better new guy is in bed than ex (but call him by name, obvs)

At random moments during the day, make loud, animalistic sex noises for 2 minutes, then stop, pop your head outside, look around suspiciously, then go back in.

Order many, many flowers from interflora and "accidentally" have them delivered to neighbors address instead or yours. Write extremely smutty one liners on the cards.

In all seriousness, don't get stressed out about this it's not your problem, laugh, laugh some more, tell all your mates what's going on and even other neighbors if they have a sense of humor. Then laugh again, and forget :)

Twistmeandturnme · 01/02/2017 17:10

Be careful assuming that it's the neighbour who doesn't like you who has written the letter, In fact it's more likely to be your loveliest neighbour who wants the two of you (you and exDP) to be happy together always......

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 01/02/2017 17:12

I'd stick the letter you have received on the back of the main door, so that everyone can see it. Write on the bottom:

^Thank you SO much for your anonymous letter and your concerns about my private life. and I parted ways some time ago but remain friendly. So sorry to disappoint you that there is no clandestine affair for you to 'tell' on! But I thought it would be a good idea for all the residents to know that you've been worried about my private life, so decided it was best to share this update publicly so that there is no opportunity for misunderstanding.

Regards,
OP

Doing this will piss them off big style because it exposes them as nasty busy body and also points out that they are wrong anyway.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/02/2017 17:25

I'd notify the police, too. A creepy neighbour sending malicious communications is a horrible thing.

If you must post a notice in the communal area, just let it say "All poison pen letters have been delivered to the police. Thank you."

birdladyfromhomealone · 01/02/2017 17:27

So I gather the neighbour has no idea you and EXDP have split?
AS they say they will tell him about your "affair""
Or have I read it wrong?

Original poster

bloodynosyneighbour · 01/02/2017 17:28

Thanks everyone for your responses , am feeling much better and at some of these suggestions!

I'm annoyed that whoever wrote it might tell my ex. I think he'll be upset about me dating again. And I wanted to be sure about new man before I said anything. I mean surely that's my right to choose when and what to tell anyone about my love life?

OP posts:

Janey50 · 01/02/2017 17:35

It is actually an offence to send a 'poison pen' letter. I would take it to your local police station and see what the have to say. That way,at least there will be a record of it if it escalates in any way.

RebootYourEngine · 01/02/2017 17:43

Is it a poison pen letter or just someone who thinks that they are doing the right thing.

I ask this because you say that they dont know that you and your ex have split and you have remained friends. Does that mean that he visits your flat sometimes.

Original poster

bloodynosyneighbour · 01/02/2017 17:47

Yes exDP comes rounds every now and again.

But even if they don't know we've split (and there's no reason they should) it's still none of their business!

OP posts:

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