To want to drink most of my calories(former anorexic)

[Laughinggouttloud]

I'm 5ft7 and at my thinnest weighed 6st. For the last two years I've been within the healthy weight scale. I weigh 9 st 9lbs which is slim but not underweight. I have a diet that is carefully managed so that I do not under eat. My problem is that I was severely underweight from the age of 14- 25, so for 10 years my body survived on about 500 calories a day (I don't know how I'm still alive).

I managed to increase my weight by drinking full fat milk and eating other high calorie foods and getting pregnant half way through the recovery process was huge motivation to increase my calories. Pregnancy also naturally made me put on weight.

My problem is that when I eat a normal sized meal my whole stomach hurts. The pain is almost unbearable and it radiates to my ribs. It's like I can physically feel the food being swalllow or like my stomach goes into a swasm. I get extreme sharp pains and sometimes dizziness.

I feel extremely nauseous afterwards and feel that that for several hours.

For me to eat 2000 calories a day feels like a huge task but because of my height I need to.

I've asked my Doctor if I can cut down my portion sizes and have calories from more milk and high calorie snacks such as nuts and cheese but he has refused.

I think he's worried this is me trying to under eat but it's not.

There's no underlying health problems it's just that my digestive system is completely wrecked. I have a reduction in stomach muscle due to longterm starvation and so for me, eating 'normally' will be very unlikely ever again.

I did star on a liquid diet and do take vitamins and protein in milkshake form.

I have tried to speak to my Specialist about this and he is not listening and insists I eat three meals a day, snacks and full fat milk/ my milkshake formula.

I know my own body, I know this isn't working, my body shouldn't be under this much strain. I'm a healthy weight now. As long as I make sure I eat 2000 calories a day do you think it's okay for me to eat less solids and have more calories from liquid? Or eat less and more. Maybe 5 meals a day?
If I go to McDonalds I can comfortably eat a happy meal but no more (just for reference). Surely it's okay for me to have 5 meals of this size a day?

I know this is a bit of a serious subject for here. But I just need opinions really. AIBU?

Bluntness I'm typing on my phone - that wasn't at all what I meant

As you've already checked that the pain has no other source, I'll make another suggestion...

Acupuncture is sometimes recommended for people with anxiety related IBS- as the acupuncture makes them less aware of the physical sensations in their gut. It resets their sensory scale in that location, so what is perceived as pain before fades to a more normal level of sensation.

You mention being very aware of some of the sensations in your stomach (the rumble of hunger), so it could help decrease that.

*I have tried to discuss this with him but he is absolutely insisting I eat three meals a day. The reason he says is so that my stomach becomes used to eating a normal and healthy portion and also so that I am eating nutritionally dense food.

He says I won't be able to prepare 5 meals a day as I am working and so there will be a temptation to skip these meals of grab something convenient.*

I think your specialist has a point here. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I agree with others who've said he is the expert and has your medical history and that you need to follow his advice. I also wonder whether deviating from the 3 meals a day would be the start of a slippery slope of starting to cut little things out bit by bit.

I also think if you do as you want to and try and take most of your calories in liquids, that's still disordered eating and what you've trying to recover from.

I think the pain and uncomfortable fullness will get better with time, but if you've lived on 500 calories a day for 11 years, it's going to take time for it to get better.

Keep going, you've done really well to get to this point and it sounds like you've made a lot of progress. Things will get easier.