MIL didn't get me a birthday present

[Hairsprayinthesink]

Name change, because of the nature.

MIL didn't get me a birthday present. It shouldn't matter, I know this. Nobody has to buy anyone a birthday present obviously. But I'm still quite hurt. In the 5 years I've been with DH she's never missed a birthday and I've never missed hers or FIL's. My own DM bought DH a quite expensive and thoughtful gift for his birthday recently. I know that shouldn't matter and I'm being extremely grabby and entitled but I can't help but feel slightly overlooked and rejected.

I tried to gently mention it to DH and it became an opportunity for him to have a go at me. This included, she does all sorts for me, she's spent up after Christmas (but has been out for expensive meals at least once a week since), at least she isn't as annoying as my own mum. I didn't think my own mum was that annoying really. But I feel like she's just sending yet another message that she still doesn't like me. There's some back story to it that makes me think she's never liked me.

I don't know what else to say, could do with a couple more opinions. Aibu?

[steff13]

I've been married for 21 years. My husband's father and stepmother have acknowledged my birthday 3 times, I think. The first couple of years, my husband made an issue of it with them, and his father told him that it was his responsibility to call them and remind them every year (apparently they are not aware of this new invention, the calendar, where you can note such things). It hurt my feelings the first few years, I just overlook it now.

To be fair, though, they have never liked me. I don't know why, and at this point, I can't concern myself with it. I'm delightful, so if they don't like me it must be an issue on their end. :)

[Theweasleytwins]

My mil never gets me anything, doesn't get DH anything either🙄we always get her presents

[Willow2016]

Definately more 'wrong' with your DH's comments than the MIL being PA.

I would ask him wtaf he meant and to grow a pair and start sticking up for his wife.

And I would have printed out info on tears for both of them and stuick it in their hands and told them to read it if they had the intelligence to do so!
Dont even get me started on rearranging the house! I would have been appoplectic, she would have been back to put it back the way it was

Stand up for yourself and your mum, you really deserve better and make sure you get it.

[daisypond]

I think it's a bit odd to get a present from a MIL or FIL, or any in-laws at all, for that matter. My parents-in-law are dead now, but we didn't do presents for either birthdays or Christmas. My parents wouldn't really get a present for my DH either - a token present only at Christmas, and nothing for birthdays. Presents that I buy my parents are assumed to come from both of us. He wouldn't get them anything separately. However, the OP's situation seems different in that the MIL has bought presents in the past and this year hasn't.

[Hairsprayinthesink]

I wish I'd had the bollocks to go properly mad about the house rearrangement. I was too young and nice. 3 years and one kid later I'm much more horrible . Also I was in the midst of baby blues so assumed she was right about the tearing.

[stoopido]

I have been with my husband for 17 years and have never received a birthday present from MIL. I don't even get a card!

[Hairsprayinthesink]

Seems it's not an uncommon thing!

[ArcheryAnnie]

My MIL has never bought me a birthday present, and I'd be amazed if she even knew when my birthday was. Likewise me, her. We get each other christmas presents, because we both know when christmas is!

It's not the present that's the problem, but the state of the relationship between you and her, and your DH's bizarre and rather OTT response.

[ArcheryAnnie]

My teenage daughter got nothing, as "she is just a girl".

Good god, languagebridget, that would have me breathing fire and spitting tacks. What kind of horrible person does and says that?

[Mrsglitterfairy]

Don't worry about it, I've been with DH for 11 years and have only had 1 birthday gift off mil, his sister doesn't even get me a card! And at Christmas, she showers DH in expensive presents and gets me something like a shower gel set. I know it shouldn't matter but my parents both get DH the same as they get me, always have done. It's just the way she is though, I don't let if bother me any kore

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

Meh, just take it as tacit permission not to have to pretend to be interested in them anymore. After the 'birth' comments I would imagine it will be a relief

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

I don't mean go NC, just be disengaged. (And I would be mad if my DH shared that sort of personal birth information with anyone)

[picklemepopcorn]

Was it hard for her to get the present to you, since you have moved? In my family we rarely get presents on time, it's just the next time we see someone.

[Longdistance]

My mil didn't get me a birthday present. In fact she didn't get me Xmas present.

Fil, who is no longer married to mil, didn't get me a birthday or Xmas present either.

They're actually a tight pair of baby boomers. I won't actually write what they really are.

My mum and dad get my Dh a present for Xmas and birthdays.

[Xmasbaby11]

I don't get a present or even card for my birthday from pil. Not even for my 40th. They don't dislike me - they are just thoughtless.

[picklemepopcorn]

I might not organise anything for her next birthday, and when DH questions is say 'oh, I thought we weren't doing presents any more! You sort her something out then'.

[ShatnersBassoon]

Give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she forgot. It doesn't matter a jot that she didn't give you anything. If my MIL didn't send me anything for my birthday, I wouldn't even mention it to DH.

Even if she chose to send you nothing, so what? Knock her birthday present on the head this year if it would make you feel like it evens things out.

[Hairsprayinthesink]

She didn't forget though, she came to a meal my mum paid for, wished me happy birthday and said no more to me. The place we've moved to is 9 mins door to door from their house. They both drive.

[LeninaCrowne]

That's really bad if she was invited to your birthday meal, and didn't have to pay anything, not to bring you a present.

Let your DH sort out her present or card in future.

[ShatnersBassoon]

Ah well, just carry on as she wishes with no birthday presents.

[AlwaysBeBatman]

My MIL has always had an issue with me - after 18 years with DH, she gives Xmas presents (cash) on a sliding scale - £300 in a card for DH, £100 each for the kids and £20 in a card for me. It's not the amount, it's the humiliating 'sliding scale of importance'.

I also buy all the gifts for them and DHs DB and SIL, neither of whom bother with a birthday card or gift for me, despite receiving her gifts only two days before my birthday every year. It's hard not to feel as though it's a pointed gesture...

[GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick]

'well I never tore, I don't understand that, why would that happen, that shouldn't happen'

maybe her fanny didn't tear, but it sounds as if her brain certainly did at some point!

[Hissy]

You poor thing!

At least now for her birthday you can get her exactly what she got you!

The nasty cow.

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

PILs are a slightly different matter, but we don't do gifts to BILs and SILs Always and rarely to our actual siblings too- only big birthdays or something very little if we happen to see them on the day (we all live miles away) Maybe they don't want you to do presents either? Not everyone really bothers about birthdays once you are grown up. No point in buying stuff people don't need just so they give you more stuff back that you dont need. Personally I'd prefer a chat on the phone or a drink out with them.

[chaplin1409]

I have been with dh for 20 years and Mil has never given me a birthday present