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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH asking pointless questions

104 replies

NotAUserNumberSoNotATroll · 01/02/2017 12:54

I'm fully prepared to hear that I'm being ungrateful and grumpy but DH is currently driving me insane, is it just me being mean to his well meaning offers??

If I say no in answer to any question he can't just accept that "Are you sure?" "I really don't mind""Sure you're sure?"

If he decides to do anything he has to reassured of every detail every time "what program does the white wash go on?" "It is blue bin day this week isn't it?" "I'll just Hoover if that's ok?"

Is it just me? Any ideas on how to cope much needed please!

OP posts:
FlowLikeAHarpoon · 02/02/2017 00:01

I find this behaviour from my H profoundly irritating. My stock response is, "do whatever you would do if I were not here" or, "I don't know, what do you think?"

The types of questions that bother me the most, are when they relate to his personal preferences, such as, "do you think I've put enough xyz in my sandwich?" or "is my toasted cheese cooked enough?" I absolutely refuse to make a judgement on these things.

I don't know why my refusal to participate hasn't stopped him asking.

EmeraldScorn · 02/02/2017 02:01

My ex used to do this and it caused more than one heated argument!

It always felt as if he needed my approval for every mundane task in life and his constant asking really annoyed the hell out of me because he would speak to me like I was his mother.

I really couldn't abide being asked if it was alright if he had a particular meal, what shirt he should wear etc and it really came to a head when he latched onto the insanity of repeatedly asking me for my opinion on how he should "groom" his pubic area!

So OP I completely see where you're coming from, it really is tedious behaviour from your partner.

Shodan · 02/02/2017 07:35

This has made me very happy this morning, that I'm no longer married to a question-master! Grin

XH always asked lots of questions about everyday task, but never more so than when he was venturing into the kitchen to cook (four times a year, on average, and always curry).

"Have we got any onions?"
"Where are the onions?"
"How many can I use?"
"Where's the big chopping knife?"
"Did we buy the spices?"
"Have we got tomatoes?"
"Where are they?"
"Do you want to come and taste this?"
"Are you coming to taste this?" (followed by him carrying a dripping teaspoon through to the sitting room)
"What do you think? Is it ok? Do you like it? (aka Isn't this the most amazing food you've ever had in your mouth and aren't I the most brilliant chef in the world and aren't you lucky?)

Etc.
Etc.

However. He learned not to ask me where various pots and pans went after washing after heavy use of sarcasm on my part, and instead solved the problem by putting all the washed pots 'away' on the worktops...

The absolute worst question though, imo, was "Will I need my coat?" before we went out. As though a) I would know how warm he already felt b) know how warm it was outside and c) was his bloody mother and he was a toddler.

So sexy Hmm

Deathraystare · 02/02/2017 07:49

Turn it back on him. Do a "Mrs Doyle" - her from Father Ted. "Are you sure you don't want a cup of tea? Aw go on, go on " etcetc

IrenetheQuaint · 02/02/2017 08:07

"The types of questions that bother me the most, are when they relate to his personal preferences, such as, "do you think I've put enough xyz in my sandwich?" or "is my toasted cheese cooked enough?" I absolutely refuse to make a judgement on these things."

This reminds me of an ex who had who would ask me things like "should I have pudding?" or "shall I wear a coat?" I managed to train him out of it but it took quite a while.

AQuietMind · 02/02/2017 08:11

There is a lot of nastiness on this thread.

TizzyDongue · 02/02/2017 08:17

No there's not.

TheNaze73 · 02/02/2017 08:22

Is he a Libran per chance??

YANBU in the slightest, that would do my head in

Imnotaslimjim · 02/02/2017 08:36

Are you an asker aquietmind its the only reason I can see that you would think people were being nasty!

I'm so lucky my DH doesn't do this. At worst I get "I've put the whites on, can you get the next load in while I'm at work" housework isn't equal but he doesn't make a big deal of when he does do it.

KaosReigns · 02/02/2017 08:38

Swings and roundabouts, since the fate of my favorite merino cardigan I wish my DP would ask more questions. No, you don't just wash everything on heavy duty hot wash to get it "super clean".

On a side note, does anyone know where to buy locks for washing machines? He's so helpful I feel like he should take a break from that particular chore.

HairsprayBabe · 02/02/2017 08:39

Spud Man was at it again last night, making his own packed lunch...

I said " There is left over couscous from dinner have that and some bits out of the fridge"

que question master
"what will go with it? Is this in date? Will this leak? Can I use this?" etc.
I gave in in the end because he was ruining what I was watching on the telly with all his stupid bloody questions any way. Angry

I just want him to use his initiative. I am starting to think he isn't very bright.

MiladyThesaurus · 02/02/2017 08:40

hairspray: he's clearly clever enough to get you to stop what you're doing and do it for him.

TiredAndRavenous · 02/02/2017 08:43

My OH does this, it it annoys me no end.

Most questions I have already answered before, or it's a matter of common sense!

"When do I brush DS teeth" the same times everyday for nearly 2 years Hmm

"Where are my shoes" in the f&@cking shoe cupboard"

Elendon · 02/02/2017 08:48

My ex did this, everyone thought he was great because he 'helped out' with the children. Give that parent a star, I thought. I couldn't be bothered to 'train' him. Perhaps that's why he's my ex.

He would ask my opinion on his wardrobe for his week away. The weeks he spent with his OW, now his partner. It makes me smile to think I gave him advice on his clothes that he wore meeting her.

Either put up with it, I lasted 20 years, or decide it's not going to happen again. Just ignore, but beware, he may find someone else who is happy to pander to these inane questions.

Bananacabana · 02/02/2017 08:53

I am guilty of asking too many questions (I'm learning to stop), I drive my SO insane. I cannot even ask him how his day has been anymore Confused

Wearingmybiggirlpants · 02/02/2017 08:55

My DH asks constant questions that I can't possibly know the answer to

"How's your best friend's husband's aunty's milkman? Didn't his daughter go to university?"
I would love to just say:
"I have no fucking idea - I haven't seen them for three years, if you are so interested why don't you ring them/pop round and see them/follow them on FB"

He does this every single day.

Wearingmybiggirlpants · 02/02/2017 08:59

Our only conversation these days is DH asks ridiculous question, I say 'I don't know'. Funny he never asks me what I'm doing, feeling, dreaming about. I just seem to be there as a one woman Google about everything from leisure centre swimming times to 'has the milk gone off'

SnugglySnerd · 02/02/2017 08:59

Is anyone else reminded her Mrs Doyle? Will you have a cup of tea? Ah go on. Go on go on go on go on go on...

SnugglySnerd · 02/02/2017 09:00

Sorry deathray missed your post before!

Rumtopf · 02/02/2017 09:04

Oh I get sick of having the headspace for this shit too.
Silly questions where if they just used their fucking eyes they'd see what they were looking for. I'm not a walking compendium of everybody else's crap!

PeachBellini123 · 02/02/2017 09:09

This is my DH!

It really annoys me when the baby's crying and I'm on the verge of tears myself turning to soothe him without success. DH will look up from his phone/the t.v and say 'why is he crying'

Apparently I should instantly know why our first born 4 week old baby is upset Angry

HairsprayBabe · 02/02/2017 09:22

But what am I supposed to do?

If I gently help him then I am inconveniencing myself immediately
If I ignore him he will do a shitty job and I will end up fixing it later
If I tell him to bugger off and use his brain I "hurt his feelings" and then he is too upset to do whatever job he was attempting in the first placeHmm

What is the solution?! I just want him to think for himself it is a right PITA.

RB68 · 02/02/2017 09:28

Practice sarcasm, practice that "really" look and then say - you are a grown man, engage braincells and walk away.

I get this ALL any job even lightbulb changing has to involve me in some way - I have learnt to leave him alone.

Comes to something when 11 year old laughs her socks off at a meme that is "so true" that says the reason why men think women talk alot is that they have to say anything they want to say and be heard at least twice...

heppi · 02/02/2017 10:00

For those with attention seekers:

MiladyThesaurus · 02/02/2017 11:06

Oh I totally understand hairspray. But that bind you find yourself in is exactly why it's not just him being a bit thick.

Of course, if it's his packed lunch I think letting him do it wrong and learn from his mistakes may be the way to go. The real problem is when his refusal to learn how to do it properly will actually cause problems for you.

That's why I end up giving my irritating DH directions to his son's school and he's deluding himself that he's doing me a favour by driving.

I get particularly angry on long journeys where he gets to relax while I drive but I cannot relax if he's driving because I have to give him directions (including to his bloody parents' house, where he grew up!) and also I need to keep talking to him, helping him get snacks and drinks and so on so that he stays alert. But as soon as I come to drive, he falls asleep and I just have to get on with it all.

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