Wearing shoes in upstairs flat

[Fieldandgrasses]

Morning,

My upstairs neighbour has got a new job which means getting up at 6.30, leaving at 7. He wears his shoes as he's getting ready to leave (apparently on carpets) and his heavy footsteps wake us up. I've asked him if he would put his shoes on as he leaves the flat (or bedroom) to stop waking us up. He won't do this. His girlfriend has lived there for years and we've always got on. She got a very sensitive smoke alarm which my cooking would occasionally set off, I resolved this. We keep our daughter quiet in the bedroom under hers early on Saturday mornings, going into our living room. And vice versa. I feel like a good relationship which has made living in flats with poor sound insulation is now under threat. Thought I would check my expectations were not UR before this escalates.

AnnieAnoniMouse The problem with my house is that they're two up-two downs, so there is a front bedroom and smaller back bedroom, with a narrow, steep staircase down one side so both of my bedroom walls are party walls to both neighbours, and then my house is mirrored to one neighbour's house, so both our staircases are on the same wall, so you can really hear the sound ... with the neighbours chatting, I can't hear what they are saying, but I can hear the general rumble of conversation and their TV is mounted to the party wall, and my bed is also against it (as it's the only place it fits in the room due to built in storage on the other walls) so I can hear it pretty well, but if it was elsewhere in the room I would probably just hear "noise" rather than be able to make out specifics iyswim?

field you've admitted yourself it could be worse. I think soundproofing is an issue in many properties. Put things into perspective, watch that neighbours from hell programme, you'll feel better about his footsteps after it!

Yup, am done now! They're aware of situation, no more I can do.

We had noisy neighbours who used to have massive parties spring to autumn. We moved out of the back bedroom to the front which resolved that. Until we were woken up dead on 7am by the dad screaming (and I do mean screaming) at his sons. We moved out 6 months later. 7am isn't early unless you work nights...

Now we work days and get up at 5.30 for DS :)

I get where you're coming from, OP. I live below a buy-to-let tenement flat with stripped floorboards and no soundproofing whatsoever.

Stripped flooring in upper flats has been banned in other council areas in the country due to the effects of impact noise. But unfortunately not in mine.

In your case however, you say his flat is carpeted so it seems he has already taken reasonable steps to soundproof his flat. I don't think asking him to take off his shoes would be appropiate here.

I suggest moving to a top floor flat if ear plugs and white noise machines don't help.

Having lived in a downstairs flat YANBU. Ever since realising how loud impact noise was I was always super conscious about being quiet for my downstairs neighbours after that (In fact my last neighbour said that despite having a toddler we were the quietest neighbours she'd ever had).

It would be nice of him to just put his shoes on later. Much nicer to make small concessions to your neighbours as it makes living in close quarters easier. Not much you can do though if he refuses to play ball.

I actually think I'd agree to put my shoes on in the living room/corridor if I were him. But he hasn't, and you really don't want to escalate this; as the downstairs flat, you'll lose. It's much easier to make noise that'll disturb the flat below than the one above. Also, unless your flats are only two stories, any retaliation you do will also disturb the (presumably blameless) flat below you.

I'm surprised so many people think walking round the flat in shoes is normal. First thing I do when I come in is take my shoes off, last thing I do when going out is put my shoes on. I thought that was normal.

You weren't being unreasonable to ask, especially since you've been very accommodating when they ask for things. You even prevented your little child from acting like a little child in her own home!

That would stop immediately for me. Let her play with her toys in her room when she wakes up.

Am I the only one thinking how wonderful it would be to be woken at seven and not already be up then, sometimes for hours?

YANBU about the shoes. We live in an upstairs flat and we make a point of taking off our shoes and leaving them by our front door to put on when we leave. Visitors are asked to do the same. Everyone knows if you live in a flat it's all about give and take. We also tell our DD7 not to be too loud on Sunday mornings so downstairs are guaranteed a lie-in (every Sat my DP takes her out for breakfast so I can sleep!). Where you are being unreasonable is by playing your radio loudly. That's just spiteful.

Is this about the 50th thing you have asked them not to do?

Yabu
You cant expect people to not wear shoes

Ah this brings back "fond" memories of when my now 17 year old DD was a fucking incredibly demanding EBF baby and the elderly childless couple upstairs would bang on the ceiling above her room when she cried in the night so she would never settle herself!

Fun times - we moved after 6 months and bought a house!

Yabu, massively.
Neighbour wearing shoes as he leaves for work- normal.
You putting radio on loud and early, just childish and spiteful.
You say you've had a good relationship?
Don't ruin it over something so petty.

He is being a bit unreasonable I think. In the name of good neighbourly relations it wouldn't be so difficult to just put his shoes on as he left.

I can hear my neighbours walking around and they're not even above me in a flat. The constant THUD THUD THUD drives me mad. Not sure if the house just has bad sound insulation or I've been spoilt living in a detached place before and have forgotten what it's like.

You are totally NBU. I live in a granny flat under a 5 person sharehouse. I can hear three people, in a kind of, oh someone is there kind of way. One guy is super soft footed, almost inaudible.
But one person is a hoofer, with massive clacky footsteps, loud banging shoes and a restless tread. Those who are telling you to get over it don't have a clue. Her footsteps are so intrusive sometimes I want to cry. We have instigated a no shoes before 8am or after 10 rule. But she forgets all the time. She's been on holidays for a bit and I dread her return.
Its far more intense then when they play music etc. YANBU

My downstairs neighbours when I lived in London asked me a similar thing.

My kitchen was hard floored and above their bedroom, I got up at 4.30 for work. They told me it was waking them and as I'm not an asshole I was more quiet. I wasn't even wearing shoes. I just walked more lightly. No big deal for me and when they had friends around late and were keeping me up I'd text them and they'd put a stop on it.

Consideration.

This is one explanation to why penthouses and flats on the top floor is more expensive than all the rest.

Totally love threads like this.

Op ....am I being unreasonable about my neighbours noise?
mumsnet,,,yes
Op,,,ok I'm being unreasonable,
Op...but I'm now pissed off that everyone thinks so, so I'll be even more unreasonable and play my radio loudly.

😂

I don't think you're being unreasonable. The whole of Asia agrees with you ( wearing shoes in an apartment is a total no-no) so you're in the majority globally.

Sorry I had to giggle at its not drum & bass.

I think it varies because we are a 'aff at the door family' due to creaming carpets. They've lasted 10 years only having to contend with child vomit really.
So to me I can't see why the guy can't put his shoes on at the door. Maybe a sweetener, maybe some nice beers, with a note saying PLEASE can you put your shoes on at the door.
I lived in a flat years ago and understand noise can be an issue as if there's no carpet it echoes like mad.

Totally love threads like this.

Op ....am I being unreasonable about my neighbours noise?
mumsnet,,,yes

Except that isn't exactly what happened.

Where I used to live in a downstairs flat I could hear the ones upstairs of a weekend (I worked, they were OAPs). I heard them in the bathroom and talking in their kitchen and sometimes I heard the TV (not in a loud blasting way) but I knew when they had it on. I could also hear a lady next door (or next door but one) having a good time! (jealous).

I am damn sure they ALL heard my snoring!

I wold rather have clumpers than some dreadful rap music or Country and Western. In another flat, the guy next door played Bob Whiny Dylan all night loudly. But it was onlly one night. Apparently, according to his partner who was not there at the time, he sometimes does this when totally pissed!

Where my brother and his (now wife ) used to live, a neighbour asked them what the 'banging' noise was, "Where they doing DIY?" "Err.".......well, it was banging of a sorts!!

Plus they lived below the 'hoover monster.' An old woman who moved her furniture at 7.30 on a weekend (my SIL loves her lie ins) so she could hoover her flat to death. It went on for ages apparently!