Wearing shoes in upstairs flat

[Fieldandgrasses]

Morning,

My upstairs neighbour has got a new job which means getting up at 6.30, leaving at 7. He wears his shoes as he's getting ready to leave (apparently on carpets) and his heavy footsteps wake us up. I've asked him if he would put his shoes on as he leaves the flat (or bedroom) to stop waking us up. He won't do this. His girlfriend has lived there for years and we've always got on. She got a very sensitive smoke alarm which my cooking would occasionally set off, I resolved this. We keep our daughter quiet in the bedroom under hers early on Saturday mornings, going into our living room. And vice versa. I feel like a good relationship which has made living in flats with poor sound insulation is now under threat. Thought I would check my expectations were not UR before this escalates.

I live in a flat. There's plenty of unavoidable noise - downstairs wakes me up when he goes to work, the guy across the road has an electric car and unlocking it wakes the street.

That's entirely different to you playing the radio early because you're being woken up. That's spiteful. It will worsen relations which will probably mean they start being more annoying and then where will it end?

Hopefully as he settles into his new job, he'll start getting more comfortable and leave his shoes til last. Most people do.

I don't think I'd of mentioned it tbh, although I do sympathise to a point as I'm quite aware that neighbour noise can be irritating. My way of looking at it is there are much worse noises and if footsteps is as bad as they get than their probably not that bad.

Field. Why not wait until he is out & go & talk to her? See what she says. If things don't change, then stop putting yourself out to accommodate her late sleeping.

It's massively inconsiderate to wear outdoor shoes in an upstairs flat. You don't need to wear your outside shoes until you actually leave the flat, so why would you, unless you're incredibly self absorbed?

Move. Keep schtum. Neighbour disputes have to be declared. Can't see how it's a massive biggie tbh.

The music has been a problem, we resolved it. It wasn't what woke me again this morning. No point in posting about something that was annoying six months ago!

I once had an upstairs neighbour who's boyfriend moved in and had a similar issue so I do get how frustrating it is. I knew she'd be re carpeting soon so offered to pay the difference for a really thick rubber underlay which she took me up on. Sadly it made no difference but at least she knew the scale of how irritating it was. The simple solution was to move and be top floor. Fwiw I think you'd find even if he took his shoes off it wouldn't make much difference to the thud and the use of ear plugs may be wise....

Btw I hear my neighbours running up their stairs, but my husband is like a tornado so I wouldn't dream of saying anything. They irritate me sometimes, as does my husband.

But OP said ''He wears his shoes as he's getting ready to leave''. So he is putting them on last minute as it is it seems but this still isn't good enough.

Surely you're getting up for work so 6.30/7.00 isn't a problem? Might be different if it was 4.30am!

I hate living in a flat, I'm on top 2nd floor and my downstairs neighbour wakes me daily.

YANBU at all, you've explained it disturbs you yet your neighbour insists on wearing the shoes until he leaves anyway, inconsiderate. I'm quite concise of how heavy my feet sound in certain shoes if I'm coming in/going out

Also, irrespective of whether 7am isn't early, the neighbour is still being selfish

Is this a converted house? I know some were converted with no reference to sound proofing so I can understand the frustration.

Agree with onemore. YANBU - it is all about give and take. They had a problem with a little thing you were doing. You stopped. You have a problem with a little thing they are doing - they won't stop. YADNBU!

I agree, they could be much worse. I only mentioned it because we do have a relationship where we have been able to resolve niggles between us. Living in our building has been nicer for it. I could let my daughter have noisy toys first thing on a Saturday but I don't think it's fair and so don't.

I don't think you can moan about someone getting ready for work. I'm not in a flat, but my neighbours car is ridiculously noisy and wakes me every morning at 5am. I roll over and go back to sleep as its pointless getting annoyed over it

He gets up, puts his clothes and shoes on in bedroom, walks around bedroom and rest of flat then leaves. Wouldn't dream of complaining if he had his shoes on in living room. What has been great about our building layout is that bedrooms are on top of bedrooms, living space on top of living space.

You say little niggles but when you do a list of all the things you've asked them to do vs what they've ASKED you to do (not just you doing it automatically). Does it even up? Maybe you've been going to them too much and they're fed up with it while you've been doing what you assume is a good thing but they've never actually come to you about it so think that evens it out IYSWIM

There is consideration and then there is a total management of behaviour. Telling someone that how noisey their dressing preferences is the latter. If hes getting up at 6.30 and leaving the house at 7am and he is putting on his shoes at some point during those 30 mins he cannot win as the op would still hear him unless he leaves the flat without his shoes on. The last thing DP and I do when leaving the flat is kiss each other and often one person is on a different scheduling than other. I am not putting my shoes on after that as my hands are full (bag, coffee, keys). Total faff but it would be noisey making.

Resolving niggles is fine but telling someone how they get dressed is beyond a niggle.

OP

I've replied already but I wanted to add that my DH is guilty of this behaviour on a regular basis! He gets better and then starts doing it again despite me reminding him not to!

He leaves for work a lot earlier than me, we don't have carpet in our home.
His habit is to put his shoes on after having a shower & getting dressed...then it's another 15-20mins of him walking around making lots of noise and often waking up LO!

He often forgets something so comes back in through the front door & more noise as he moves through the home!

You could argue that this is not BU, as it's already 6.30am or whatever and that I should be awake by then.

But it's really so unnecessary to make that much noise early in the morning!

It's VERY annoying when this happens on a regular/daily basis.

YANBU!

YABU and your updates are really petty and childish - if you can't stand listening to other people's normal day to day living noises, live in a detatched property, otherwise accept that unless it's wildly abnomal, you have to just put up with it. It's currently 9:30 on my day off and I live in a mid-terrace, I have heard my neighbours to the left go up and down the stairs 4 times in the last 20 minutes, open and close practically every cupboard in the kitchen, one of them had a shower and the other couldn't decide what channel to watch while gtting ready. The neighbours on the other side are currently still in bed like me and just chatting whilst watching BBC One, as they have done for the last hour ... I could complain that I can hear them but then they could equally complain that they can hear me going up/down stairs, the cats racing round and causing a racket climbing the bookcase on the party wall, me using my hairdryer after a shower, my TV when I watch daytime TV ... it's all about give and take.

If one of them started drilling and hammering at 6am or screaming at midnight, yes I'd ask them to stop, but normal household sounds are just part of living with neighbours.

next somebody will be along telling you to buy yourself a detached house or something so you don't have to hear the neighbours.

You were right.

Christ on a bike melj that's a totally unreasonable lack of sound proofing. Other than hammering type banging or 'annual row' I really don't hear my neighbours. Occasionally if the side where the kitchens are back to back are washing up when I am I'll hear them bang a couple of pots or if I'm in my kitchen I can hear their washing machine on a spin cycle, but that's it. I'd be beside myself with the detail of noise you can hear.

Wumpychoo 😁 That's like predicting it'll get dark about 5pm tonight (in the uk). It doesn't matter what the issue is on a 'neighbour' thread, it'll get trotted out 😁

Never mind the fact that I've lived in flats my entire adult life with no issues at all! I'll move to a detached then.

Christ on a bike melj that's a totally unreasonable lack of sound proofing.

I live in a 60s build semi.
I can hear next door going up the stairs, talking, listening to the radio, TV, opening kitchen cupboards, running taps...

I head WAY less noise in my nice modern new-build flat :-(

There is a differentiation to be made here, which is almost certainly enshrined in the leases for the property (and would be enforced by the noise abatement team at your local council).

Walking around wearing shoes is normal household noise. There is no limit to when or how you do that, and if you call the council or managing agents about it they will think that you're batshit aBitU.

The lease will tell you that you're not allowed to play anything electronic or noise making to disturb other properties outside proscribed hours (usually 7am-11pm). So you would actually be acting against the terms of the lease to play your radio loudly in the morning.

Incidentally, children playing and leaping around at a reasonable time of day is also normal household noise.