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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wearing shoes in upstairs flat

99 replies

Fieldandgrasses · 01/02/2017 07:44

Morning,

My upstairs neighbour has got a new job which means getting up at 6.30, leaving at 7. He wears his shoes as he's getting ready to leave (apparently on carpets) and his heavy footsteps wake us up. I've asked him if he would put his shoes on as he leaves the flat (or bedroom) to stop waking us up. He won't do this. His girlfriend has lived there for years and we've always got on. She got a very sensitive smoke alarm which my cooking would occasionally set off, I resolved this. We keep our daughter quiet in the bedroom under hers early on Saturday mornings, going into our living room. And vice versa. I feel like a good relationship which has made living in flats with poor sound insulation is now under threat. Thought I would check my expectations were not UR before this escalates.

OP posts:
DailyFaily · 01/02/2017 08:38

I'm a long time upstairs flat dweller and I don't think you're being especially unreasonable - you're asking him to wait until he leaves to put his shoes on, it's hardly a controversial request, loads of people do it everyday. Yeah you get noise living in a flat but if someone draws attention to a noise you're making that (a) bothers them and (b) you can easily fix then I don't see why you wouldn't at least try it - this is not the same as asking someone not to shower in the morning. I don't put my dishwasher on at night because our kitchen is above downstairs's bedroom I'm perfectly entitled to but why would I when I don't have to? I think he's the one being childish to say no outright, you wouldn't be making it any better if you retaliated though.

LIZS · 01/02/2017 08:43

Yabu. I don't suppose for a minute he is being deliberately flatfooted. If you don't want to sour relations just keep the noise level at a low level and avoid petty complaints.

Believeitornot · 01/02/2017 08:44

I think it's the fact you're directing each other on how to live in your own homes and you've got to the stage where you think you've the right to do it.

You could have said "the shoes disturbs me in the morning, is there any way you can quieten down" as opposed to prescribing how he should put his shoes on last right at the door.

alleypalley · 01/02/2017 08:48

I don't think it's an unreasonable request to make. Why is walking around in shoes for half an hour in the morning any more necessary than listening to the radio.

I would struggle if I had to move into a flat, both with dealing with others noise as well as being aware of moderating my own. If my neighbour pointed out something as easy to solve as taking shoes off inside then I would do it.

scottishdiem · 01/02/2017 08:49

What job does he do? If he has big workboots on then I can see the point but if its normal shows how are they making more noise that slippers (my slippers have a proper sole on them as I dont like walking on things that could slip) dont? Does he usually maybe only walk around in is socks/barefoot and you are hearing him walk with footwear on?

I like being ready for work prior to having a coffee or breakfast and that includes my shoes. I am not dragging the bottom of my suit trousers around on the floor and I am not convinced that hes wearing slippers. Also, its a total faff to put some shoes on at the door if they have laces that need done up. Not like slipping some heels on.

GreatScot8 · 01/02/2017 08:50

6:30-7am is hardly "early".

I couldn't tell you the last time I slept until 7am. Most people are up and getting on with their day by that time.

Eliza22 · 01/02/2017 08:50

Ear plugs? Boots own brand wax ones are great. I sleep through everything.

Eliza22 · 01/02/2017 08:51

Sorry, meant to say.... it's HIS home. Yabu.

Wumpychoo · 01/02/2017 08:54

Yanbu. He doesn't need shoes on until he leaves the house. A bit of consideration wouldn't go amiss. Like you say if they won't make this small concession then you don't need to worry about being considerate to them.

Topseyt · 01/02/2017 08:57

If you asked me not to put my shoes on in my own home while I was getting ready for work I would think you were batshit. I might even tell you so.

I used to live in a flat, and a certain level of sound from neighbours is par for the course. Hell, I could sometimes even hear ours shagging.

watchoutformybutt · 01/02/2017 08:57

Just be aware if you're going to start a petty tit for tat thing with them, they hold the upper hand literally. If you start acting up, you'll almost certainly come off worse purely because they're directly above you. It's a small thing, it's not the crack of dawn and it's normal noise. Get over it.

user1473069303 · 01/02/2017 08:58

YANBU. It's an easy request for him to accommodate.

Kronutpearl · 01/02/2017 08:59

Lol. What I wouldn't give for a lie in til 6.30.

Funnyface1 · 01/02/2017 08:59

I agree with you op. It's about knowing that sound travels horribly in flats and taking measures to respect each other. You have done things to make your neighbours happier and it's not unreasonable to let someone know that they are disturbing you, especially if it's something they can easily change.

You have my sympathy, I lived in a rented flat briefly while my house was being made ready. I say briefly as I took a six month lease and left after barely 3. Never again!

7SunshineSeven7 · 01/02/2017 09:00

YABU

Why have you suddenly changed to him wearing his shoes at 6:30? You said he gets up then and puts his shoes on around the time he leaves: 7.

I put my shoes on before I leave the house to make sure they're comfy (nothing is in them) and I haven't tied them too tight etc because I know I'll be on my feet for my entire 9 hour shift.

If you start putting the radio prepare for them to retaliate. And it'll be much worse for you as you're living below.

RacoonBandit · 01/02/2017 09:01

You are so convinced you make no noise at all but with a child I find that hard to believe.

namechange20050 · 01/02/2017 09:02

Do they have hard flooring OP?

QueenMortificado · 01/02/2017 09:06

I can completely see how this happens - a heavy bloke and some of those worky brogues with clicky clacky heels. It is unnecessary to put shoes on before you leave the house - what about all those threads saying how horrible it is to wear shoes indoors!

He could easily just put them on before he leaves the house, I hate being woken before I'm ready to and this sort of gradual residual noise really grates on my ears.

Original poster
Fieldandgrasses · 01/02/2017 09:08

We've had the music till 3 thing for several years, this ain't the first time they've disturbed us. But, like I say, we've managed to negotiate between us. Re the children aspect, we're considerate. Out of the house most of the day, no noisy toys and we don't let noise be made early in the morning or at weekends. To me, this is part of flat living. Being considerate is all part of it.

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 01/02/2017 09:11

So now they have played music until 3 Hmm

Thing is you cannot force him not to wear his shoes so you will just have to accept it. I would not be making excessive noise in retaliation as this will just make things worse.

MackerelOfFact · 01/02/2017 09:13

In his situation, I would definitely have complied with your request (plus who wants to wear their outdoor shoes in their bedroom anyway, where you walk in bare feet before getting into bed?! Gritty bedsheets, anyone?)

However I think YAB a bit U to pursue this further. He knows it's disturbing you, but it's up to him at the end of the day. It's bothering you now because you're not used to the noise, and hopefully once you're more accustomed to it you'll be able to sleep through it.

I always find earplug suggestions on these threads pretty unhelpful - surely most people want to be able to hear their DCs/alarm/smoke detector while they're asleep?

7SunshineSeven7 · 01/02/2017 09:13

RacoonBandit Don't you know this is the way it goes? Get told you're BU so you make the opposite party sound worse and worse.

Original poster
Fieldandgrasses · 01/02/2017 09:13

Um yes, not making that up! Not this week, new job presumably, but yes over the last few years. Neighbour who owns flat doesn't work so less constricted in that sense.

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 01/02/2017 09:15

Sorry 7 i forgot that rule Grin

7SunshineSeven7 · 01/02/2017 09:19

But you mentioned the shoes straight away. And their smoke alarm. And her keeping quiet in general.

But you waited to mention music until 3am which is actually unreasonable and we would have said so straight away.

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