Please help! I know IABU :(

[Jellymuffin]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant with DC2, DS1 is 3.5 and is my world. I was very unsure about having another child, I work full time and do all drop offs and pick ups and was worried I wouldn't be able to give DS everything with another one. Went through a horrible period of uncertainty before trying hard to conceive. Nothing happened, I felt sad and eventually decided to stop trying, made plans , came to terms with DS being our only. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant while husband was away with work. Have felt nothing but fear and depression since. I'm not excited at all, feel tired and sick all the time. Husband tried to be supportive and has said we can abort if I'm not happy about being pregnant. I feel all over the place! Please someone help me come to terms with how I'm feeling and what's happening. DS was a horrendous baby, I have constant digs from my mum about how hard I'll find things and how difficult things will be. I'm so so so sad and confused. Please help,

I am so glad I had my second DC.

I nearly didn't because my first was so hard he very nearly put me off. Difficult pregnancy, traumatic birth, colic, lots of hospital visits and just generally hard work and stressful every day. My second was so quiet, good and easy that I sometimes forgot he was in the room. I really enjoyed it second time around.

Don't let your mother plant seeds of doubt. You can do this.

Hi Op. I have three children. I never wanted an only child as I had a brother and could never imagine being on my own. DS1 was 2 when dd was born. He did then and still dotes on his sister. They are inseperable. DS1 was brilliant when DD was born, he helped no end and played with her when I just needed five minutes for a cuppa, answer telephone etc.

Both my children now 7 and 4 are awesome with their new little brother.

No babies are the same. I found the second one easier because i knew what I was doing this time and DS1 helped me. Dont despair. When i hear dd laughing at ds1 and his bloody unfunny jokes that are relentless, i know i would not have it any other way!

There is seriously no better joy than seeing your 2 children play together. Emotions and hormones can be so crazy during pregnancy, I know mine are!! A wonderful friend of mine described it like this and I experienced it as well with the birth of our 2nd... your love doesn't get split in half for the two kids to share, it actually multiplies and grows, even though it doesn't seem that it's possible. There are so many women who deeply regret terminating a pregnancy and wish they could go back and undo it, but aren't able to. Stay positive!! Sending you so many happy thoughts during this difficulty! It will get so very much better.

With that age gap in some ways it will be like having an only child (when your first one is at school). That's the age gap between my two sons.
I found I could spend lots of time with DS2 at home and at playgroups where my attention was undivided.
It also helps that your first child will be at an age where they are mostly independent and can help you with the baby.

Once the second one is a bit older, they adore their older sibling and want to copy them and be like them all the time. DS2 grew up very quickly and felt older than his real age compared to my first child in terms of how quickly he learnt things by copying his brother and wanting to be like him and treated like a child rather than a baby.

When they are both at home it can be crazy with the arguments and fights or rough games. But when they play nicely together (and they do more and more as the second gets older) they are so adorable, that those moments are the ones you remember when you look back.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I wish you all the best.

It may well be difficult, but you won't regret having more than one. Siblings have shared experiences. They are good company for each other. 2 children are easier in the long run. You will know what you are doing this time around. You will love them both. Congratulations.

I felt like that with ds.

I was hospitalised Ruth hyperemisis & used to wail my head off whilst throwing up. I begged the baby to stop & totally blamed it for keeping me away from dd (who was almost three)

Oh my, I'm so glad I had ds. He is a dream. He was the best wee boy, such a content baby, slept great, ate great, dd adored him (still does at 15!) & they are really tight mates.

I'm sorry you feel like you do - your feelings are valid. Are there any agencies near you where you can chat it through with someone?

I personally think your dh has been somewhat unfair by telling you the decision is yours. Surely he has an opinion too?

I have the same age gap, it's a fantastic age gap, the eldest is old enough to be your 'helper', which in turn helps them bond with the baby. Eldest is at school a decent amount, which means the baby can have your attention, and you don't feel so guilty about focusing on the eldest when they're home from school.

Our two are great friends, always have been, right from the start. It's definitely doable, and a great age gap.

He wants to keep it. I think it's his way of putting my wants before his, as if he cares more for me than the pregnancy. I feel really positive after all your comments X thankyou so much X

Glad you're feeling better - I too have 2 DC, with a gap of just shy of 5 years. I'm not in the UK so DC start school later here - DS2 was born with 3 months to go before DS1 started school, and it worked brilliantly (despite not being my original plan!) - it meant that DS1 had some time with DS2 and didn't feel ousted in any way, but then when DS1 went to school, I had time on my own with DS2 to just enjoy him as a baby, as I had with DS1.
Lovely age gap, IMO!

Now we're a few years down the line, DS2 hasn't started school yet but the boys absolutely love each other. Yes they fight, that's a normal part of siblings growing up, IMO and IME - but at the end of the day they wouldn't be without each other. AND they both ask for another one (not happening, I'm too old) so having a sibling can't be all that bad for them!

I think your DH needs some lessons in emotional support - even though what you've said about him being supportive is probably true, he sounds very matter of fact and unavailable emotionally.
Your mother sounds like an utter cow. Ignore her entirely.

You can do this - you will be great, and your DC will love each other and be happy that they have each other.

Hi I had my second with the same age gap as you and it was great. Just a couple of months then ds1 went to school and I had all day with the baby.
Also as I had to take DS to school and pick up twice a day, i had a routine & a purpose and I didn't get PND the second time.

You've left a good age gap - your DS1 will be even more independent by the time your baby arrives and can help you a little by fetching nappies etc. And you're doing a wonderful thing giving your son a sibling. Chances are they'll fight like cat and dog but absolutely adore each other underneath it all.

But like others have said, please talk to someone like your midwife about your worries and anxiety.

Still feeling much more positive today X you've all helped me see that this baby will give my DS something, not deprive him. Thankyou so much for being such a wonderful, non-judgmental sounding board. I will talk to my midwife as suggested. Thankyou again X

Hi OP

I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant with DC2 and up until a week or so ago I was having serious doubts about whether me and DH were doing the right thing. We'd been trying for about 12 months (which had included an early miscarriage) so the baby was very much planned but a few weeks after getting the positive result and reality set in all I could think was "Shit, how am I going to cope?". I would sit and get myself in huge panics about it and ask myself what on earth we were doing. All the horrible memories surrounding DS1's first few months of life came flooding back to me and I began to question whether I would cope going through it all again.

DS will be 3.5 years old when DC2 arrives and I still have serious worries about how I will manage and it plays on my mind a lot. I haven't really spoken to anyone about it as I'm hoping my feelings will pass.

One of the main driving forces behind the decision to have DC2 was so DS would have a sibling, it was very important to me. I have a sister who I love more than I can say, she's my best friend, and I wouldn't want to deny my DS the opportunity to have a sibling relationship although I know there's no guarantee they'll get on. Whenever I have feelings of doubt I remind myself of the bigger picture and try to focus how much joy the baby will brings to our family and how much my DS will hopefully benefit for his whole life from having a sibling.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - somehow we will get through it and fast forward 2-3 years and it will all have been worth it

I had postpartum psychosis with DS1

• three months in hospital. Absolutely fine with DS2. They're wrestling and giggling on the floor at the moment: two little curly blond rascals Wishing you the best of luck, whatever you decide.

Great news, Jelly - you're sounding really positive. There will always be the not-so-good days but the good days will outweigh those