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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm so worried I'm going to lose my job!

103 replies

MadJeffBarn · 30/01/2017 06:54

In this past month alone i've had time off for tonsillitus, my daughter having d&v, and today I've had to take time off again because both my kids are ill with d&v. I'm currently already waiting for a disciplinary hearing with HR as my bout of tonsillitus brought my yearly sickness level to red. But I don't know what to do! I was hoping that my eldest might just have had a bit of a dicky tummy but she's really unwell. I just have a sick feeling in my stomach about taking more time off :( my work only has a certain about of sympathy for time off and tbh I feel like they would be justified in thinking I'm taking the piss. But I'm really not!

OP posts:
WhisperingLoudly · 30/01/2017 09:43

This is insane. Your DH needs to give up work and take care of the kids

Mamia15 · 30/01/2017 09:48

You also need to plan annual leave so that there is always some left for emergencies.

Newtssuitcase · 30/01/2017 09:50

MyWhatICallNameChange

Nobody is saying that there is a special way of getting a babysitter for sick children. But the reality is that an employee is contractually obliged to turn up for work and there are lots of people (not necessarily including the OP) who just say "I have no choice" and then complain when they are dismissed.

It's something you have to factor in. People make choices to enable this such as choosing to live close to extended family, choosing to research in advance whether companies like sitters.co.uk will have anyone in your area who is viable to babysit for sick children, obtaining help from friends and neighbours.

Of course it isn't easy but then if you choose to stay at home yourself to look after a sick child you have to accept that you may be dismissed from your job.

SolomanDaisy · 30/01/2017 09:58

I can't understand why you would even contemplate this becoming an issue when your DH is self employed and making a loss. It doesn't matter whether he loves it or not, he needs to take on childcare or get a proper job. I love reading books but I'm not going to announce it's my job and do it 40 hours a week rain or shine while the household's only actual earner risks their job.

holidaysaregreat · 30/01/2017 10:01

Agree with verybitchy you need to protect your job over DHs. He must be earning nothing if you are working 32 hrs/wk and only earning around 16k. So really you would be better off with him being a SAHP for a little while & claiming some tax credits. Maybe he could just do some sort of evening work for the moment like bar work/supermarket deliveries if he wants to contribute.
I have MIL nearby but my kids are rarely ill - maybe one or two days a year? So in the almost 9 years I have had kids I have taken 1 day off for kids being ill and probably something like 3 or 4 days for myself being ill.
Obviously with D&V you can't send them in & nobody else should look after them.
It sounds like you are doing the lions share of the work & child rearing & also feel guilty if you have to hand over to DH.

Original poster
MadJeffBarn · 30/01/2017 10:06

I don't mean to get snarky here, I know that everyone's advice is well meaning, but what my dh does for his job isn't really the point of the post. It was posted in panic, and now it's sorted and I've come in :)

OP posts:
holidaysaregreat · 30/01/2017 10:14

Mad it is relevant though as when you have kids you need a back up for if they are ill on the days you work. If you don't have other family nearby then you need to work it out with DP & the usual rule is that the person who has the most on that day would need to go to work e.g. big presentation, important client meeting. If he doesn't make it in to work would the impact on others be a big as if you don't show?

ivykaty44 · 30/01/2017 10:29

I work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday

If I'm I'll from Monday to Friday I am counted as being sick for three days. There is no way they can say it's five days as I'm not at work on Monday or Friday so it doesn't count.

I did have a disciplinary for sick and work stated there was no underlying cause.

With 6 weeks I was admitted to hospital as I was seriously ill and had three months of work.
Wasn't disciplined again, I think my line manager was a bit Blush

Imknackeredzzz · 30/01/2017 11:40

Yes OP it's sorted till the next time - your DH needs to quit what he's doing before you do end up losing your job

BingoBingoBingoBango · 30/01/2017 12:37

Sick leave for your children needs to be shared between you both. As an NHS worker there is a sickness policy to follow and you should be sent to occupational health to start with when you trigger the policy and have a meeting with your manager. They can't just dismiss you. You can be dismissed for sickness if nothing improves. Sickness for the DC should go down as unpaid, carer's leave (if you're able to get it) or take it as annual leave or make the time up elsewhere. I have never had my children's sickness added to my sickness record.

JaniceBattersby · 30/01/2017 12:44

If your DH is making a loss then he's paying to 'work'. It's a hobby, nothing more. So he gets to do a hobby while you're working and covering the kids' sickness. Nice.

Babyroobs · 30/01/2017 12:55

It's probably best to try to work around each other when you have young kids who do tend to get ill more often.Then there is always someone home if need be. If you are s a support worker can you do most of your shifts around your dh's work ( I guess you probably already do that)?

LagunaBubbles · 30/01/2017 13:18

Parental leave has to be booked in advance and taken in blocks

I know you say you are an employment lawyer but thats not true. I work for the NHS and can and have booked a day or few days parental leave at a time, authorised by my manager. OP even though you are part time and it will be pro rata you will still be entitled to more than 3 days off parental leave. My kids are older now and Im full time but it was 20 days paid leave per child up until their 14th birthday. And then a lot more unpaid after that if necessary. That was my local NHS trust.

ShotsFired · 30/01/2017 13:19

SolomanDaisy I can't understand why you would even contemplate this becoming an issue when your DH is self employed and making a loss. It doesn't matter whether he loves it or not, he needs to take on childcare or get a proper job. I love reading books but I'm not going to announce it's my job and do it 40 hours a week rain or shine while the household's only actual earner risks their job.

This x 1000. You already have two kids OP, your DH is not a third one. He's an adult and a parent and needs to pull his finger out and act like it.

Flisstizzy · 30/01/2017 13:34

Glad you sorted it this time. Ring acas about the way your employers log your sick days. It absolutely cannot be right that they class a day as being a sick day when you are not contracted to work - you are not being paid for that day! You should be able to challenge this and get all the unfair extras removed.
My work logs sick days like this: if I am ill Sunday - Sunday thus will be classed as total illness 7 days, but only 5 sick days as I am only contracted to work mon - Friday.

BingoBingoBingoBango · 30/01/2017 13:34

As an NHS worker you really should be in a union.

Newtssuitcase · 30/01/2017 14:11

Parental leave has to be booked in advance and taken in blocks

I know you say you are an employment lawyer but thats not true. I work for the NHS and can and have booked a day or few days parental leave at a time, authorised by my manager. OP even though you are part time and it will be pro rata you will still be entitled to more than 3 days off parental leave. My kids are older now and Im full time but it was 20 days paid leave per child up until their 14th birthday. And then a lot more unpaid after that if necessary. That was my local NHS trust.

I am an employment lawyer. I'm telling you what the law says not what your individual employer might do since this will differ for everyone. Your individual employer might say that everyone can take Wednesdays off and be paid a million pounds for it as long as they wear a purple hat and a tutu - that doesn't mean it is what the law says Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 30/01/2017 16:02

I am an employment lawyer. I'm telling you what the law says not what your individual employer might do since this will differ for everyone. Your individual employer might say that everyone can take Wednesdays off and be paid a million pounds for it as long as they wear a purple hat and a tutu - that doesn't mean it is what the law says

My individual employer is the NHS - that was my point - you stated parental leave has to be taken in blocks - and I was just pointing out that is not necessarily the case.

LagunaBubbles · 30/01/2017 16:02

And yes OP join a Union.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 30/01/2017 17:20

for those querying days, as unfair as it seems in the NHS if you take time off that straddles a weekend then the weekend days are included in your sick leave even if you don't work them. I hate this, it's put me over my SSP limit after time off for surgery Sad

BobbyNoggle · 30/01/2017 17:35

Most NHS workers have to use a day/s out of their Annual Leave allowance for this sort of situation. Failing that, you have to take unpaid leave.
Certainly wouldn't come under sick leave category; so shouldn't affect your sickness record.
Just part of the course for working mothers!

HeCantBeSerious · 30/01/2017 18:08

My individual employer is the NHS - that was my point - you stated parental leave has to be taken in blocks - and I was just pointing out that is not necessarily the case

But each trust manages this stuff differently.

StealthPolarBear · 30/01/2017 20:19

How did they all get on today op? And how are you?

foxyloxy78 · 30/01/2017 23:00

www.gov.uk/dismissal/reasons-you-can-be-dismissed

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